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We talked July-Nov online because he was out of the country and I had just joined match that week in july. He returned in Nov and we met and dated and did not tell me he would leave again but we dated until Jan. Then he left the country again and I said I could not see being in a relationship like this. He promised me he would return and be here for months/years. He called/emailed/texted daily while away.
When he returned, he took me to mexico and then my daughter and I camping in utah and to visit my brother in vegas. Then he sprung it on me that he took a job in New Orleans for 4 months and that I could come stay with him for weeks/months at a time. He said the job he took would make it long distance again but he was doing it so he would have plenty of cash so when he returned to California he could take a grad course and then have a profession other than the military and start a family with me. All these plans he made in his head without informing me haha!! I was like, um, well, I have a daughter, though she is an adult teen, she is still my love and lives with me until college starts and I can not just pick up and leave her and my life for weeks or a month at a time because you chose to take a job in New Orleans and not Cali. I don't want a long distance relationship, I did not sign up for this, he just keeps telling me it's for a short temp time, but then it keeps extending for one reason or another. He begs me not to break up with him, saying in Sept when he starts his course I can move in with him, because it will be in Socal where my daughter will be in college so I will be closer to her and then we can finally be together. I live in Norcal now. I have been saying I don't know, I don't know, etc. What will I do with all my things? Because it is a temp move for 6 months into a studio size space and then after when he is done with his course we will get a house. He has been saying to me, well all my things are in storage you can just add your belongings to mine. I have been saying I don't really know what to do, I do not want to do long distance, I do not know if I am ready to move in and sacrifice so much, but I am tired of sacrificing and doing long distance for a year now and potentially another 8 months if I do not move in with him. So I agree to do so after months of him telling all his friends and family how much he wants me to (he has brought me to meet his family several times) and instead of being happy or anything he says, well you should prob keep your place too so your daughter still has her bedroom......huh?!?
the entire time he was in new orleans, begging me to come stay with him for a month/weeks and not worrying about my daughter......now all of a sudden he is worried about her not having her bedroom during christmas break when 1. i'm not christian and 2. she generally visits her dad in NY and celebrates christmas with him
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
You have been talking since July of 2013 but how much actual time have you spent together?
Have you spent a week living in the same space?
Do you own your place?
Personally I would not move in with anyone and combine any finances until we were legally and completely married, not dating, not in lust, not engaged, married.
It's like he's looking at cars and wants a test drive. If he likes the way it (you) handles,
has good gas mileage, and the seats are comfortable, he might just buy it (let you stay).
Uh, what? Did he say abracadabra? Or did he use hypnotism?
no you are right I am accountable and should not blame him. however he tells me a week or two before hand that he is leaving, then i say, well I don't want a LDR, and he promises he will return and stay, then does so for a couple weeks, takes me on a romantic trip, then leaves again, promises is it is temp and that we will live together, have a family, have a beautiful life, etc when he returns, wash, rinse, repeat cycle
I like men in the military too, even though I've never actually gotten to date one yet. It seems that life with them is full of moving from here to there until you get planted some place for a long time (if you're lucky). But him backing out of it makes him seem like he just wants company, rather than a real commitment anchored in security.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Davachka
no you are right I am accountable and should not blame him. however he tells me a week or two before hand that he is leaving, then i say, well I don't want a LDR, and he promises he will return and stay, then does so for a couple weeks, takes me on a romantic trip, then leaves again, promises is it is temp and that we will live together, have a family, have a beautiful life, etc when he returns, wash, rinse, repeat cycle
Sounds like he was on leave during those two weeks and did not tell you, rather than returning to the place he was supposed to be working.
One of the problems with LDR's is that it is a conducive setting for someone who lies.
I've never been on a date with one either, before him! He makes so many plans for us and never tells me. For example, even though I live in the bay area, he hates it here and was planning on moving us to Idaho apparently and taking me there to convince me of this. He had no desire to stay here. Now when I told him I was not leaving Cali he is considering other towns in Cali. I just wonder how serious he has been the past 4 months of asking me to live wtih him? Now that I say yes, he says, well don't let go of your place? It makes me question if he has been serious this entire time or merely saying we will move in together so I don't break up with him over the LDR. Good point regarding company vs commitment!
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
I like men in the military too, even though I've never actually gotten to date one yet. It seems that life with them is full of moving from here to there until you get planted some place for a long time (if you're lucky). But him backing out of it makes him seem like he just wants company, rather than a real commitment anchored in security.
You have a daughter in college, he is over 40, and wants to start a family? Consider waiting until he is settled and decide what to do. I did not hear marriage in your discussion. If I had a daughter in college, the talk of starting a family would scare the h--- out of me.
well he states that we will get a permanent home in about 6-8 months
i explained to him that it is not normal to leave all the time, but his father was a military officer and so he thinks it is normal, plus his group of friends, even if not in the military, are executives who travel. in my reality and family, that is not normal! my parents I doubt have spent more than one or two nights apart in 40 years and we even immigrated to the US when I was a child.
yes, I do not understand why he was on match when in afghanistan. i asked but he never answered. maybe just wanted some entertainment but then ended up falling for me. yes, he wrote me the first couple days i joined......he has been online dating for 10+ years, I never do.....and yes he contacted me. why is that odd?
Quote:
Originally Posted by usewithm0der4tion
You have a more grounded lifestyle, he lives in chaos. You have a daughter going to college, he wants to start a family? He wants to get a place together, but only for some months? Are you prepared to have to move every 6 months to a year?
Couple of things that are weird about him....if you are on the move every couple of months, why would you be on match.com when you never know where you are going to be year to year? If I had his schedule, I wouldn't be on match for ltr's, I'd be on match to hook up. Because you have stuck around, even with his schedule, he is having flashes of being a couple, but his life just won't allow it. IDK, I also find it coincidence that you were a brand new member of match, when you met. He contacted you first didn't he? First time using an online service?
why do you say so? do you think he's just been leading me on for the past year so i will sit and wait for him? yes I have been faithfully sitting and waiting despite the fact that I get asked out weekly. and he keeps saying soon we will be together please wait i love you, we will have such a beautiful life together and brings up things i like and how we will travel world together (we both love intl travel) etc and now that the time is here to move in he says keep my place?? is it an out? he uses my daughter needing a bedroom to come home to from college but not so sure about that.....
Yes.. I think he has been leading you on.
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