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The longer you date her, the hotter she'll get, unless something like lack of a personality defaces her.
In my experience, that is not true.
I seriously dated a man who became more critical of my appearance over time. Huge mistake.
His comments centered on clothes ("you make $...., (a good salary) why can't you afford some better clothes?") ; criticizing the way I looked if I did not spend a lot of time blowing my hair out; always quick to point out if I had gained five pounds. Like the girlfriend mentioned in the other thread, my clothes choices had a lot to do with being frugal. Granted my clothes were basic but not frumpy (note that this was during the height of the recession which impacted my work significantly, and I was fairly anxious about finances, something I was very open with him about). And no, he did not buy me clothes.
I know intellectually that I am an attractive woman (no supermodel, but I am attractive by most standards). I remained fit and a regular athlete during that relationship. (He gained a substantial amount of weight, much more than the 5-8 pounds that I would vary between).
However, his criticism ate away at my self esteem. Now, a couple years out from that relationship, I am still trying to recover some of my confidence (even harder now because I am in my later 30s, and men my age want to date younger women).
The OP's girlfriend should be the one getting advice... to cut and run. If he isn't in love with her now, he won't be more attracted to her later.
One thing to keep in mind is that when you wake up next to your mate, unless you are in a movie or she takes terrible care of her skin, she will have no makeup on and her hair will be messy. Her face may be blotchy or creased from sleep. And she will only get older.
You either love waking up next to someone--because you love her--or you don't. The same goes for her, by the way.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
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All I'm gonna say. If you believe that line of BS that is passed around in the forum about a person becoming more physically attractive as you go on even though they ain't attractive to you at first, then obviously your attraction is going in the wrong direction. Therefore, you are in lots of trouble.
I've been dating a girl for the past couple months. She actually reached out to me from an online dating service. We have good conversations, similar values, and I usually enjoy my time with her.
At our first three dates she seemed very physically attractive, but since then her appearance has been quite variable. She definitely has put the same amount of effort into her presentation. Unfortunately, it's gotten to the point where she even seems unattractive. I feel really conflicted about it. I like her as a person but feel a little deceived. Has this ever happened to anyone? Have you ever dated someone whose appearance could vary drastically by their grooming habits/clothing?
It's really a head scratcher and I feel like crap. If you have any advice, please let me know!
You could also consider whether she seems unattractive to you when you are upset with her about something and you have not told her your feelings.
This happens a lot in long term marriages, but it can happen in early dating, too, especially if you did not learn the relevant skills growing up -- how to talk about things and resolve them.
I have to admit her physical flaws seem more apparent when she says or does something that makes me think we aren't compatible. In reality, she probably meets my minimum physical attractiveness standards. I still have questions about our compatibility. Maybe it doesn't sound romantic, but I think I've learned not to fall in love until I really know a lot about the person. I've been hurt in past by falling too soon.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Avoforastig
I have to admit her physical flaws seem more apparent when she says or does something that makes me think we aren't compatible. In reality, she probably meets my minimum physical attractiveness standards. I still have questions about our compatibility. Maybe it doesn't sound romantic, but I think I've learned not to fall in love until I really know a lot about the person. I've been hurt in past by falling too soon.
Those are horrible things to say. I apologize. We probably aren't compatible. I just don't want to be single and lonely. I should do the right thing and beak it off instead of forcing it.
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