Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've met a lot of men who get rejected by women b/c they are "too short" or "unemployed". Seriously, like a guy deliberately wants to be "too short" or would rather "be unemployed" rather than earn an income.
I will admit that I met someone from OKC and was turned off by his height. He was at least an inch shorter than me. I'm 5'4" and was wearing flat shoes. The last one date I had I met speed dating and he was about the same height.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cotocatmom
Back to the OP, honestly, it could be any little thing. Sometimes I get picky when I'm looking through profiles, and things like their interests, political views, desire for children, if they have a large aggressive looking pet dog etc etc makes me not want to respond because it's not a match in my view. I guess guys do the same thing, and kind of just sort through profiles/messages until they find girls they feel are attractive to them and match whatever additional criteria they have in their heads about what they want. Or at least that's what I tell myself lol. Don't take it personally, online dating just sucks
On OKC, I look to see how they answered "Are you happy with your life?" If they say no, I move on to the next one. Same if they are not gay-friendly, rank God highly in their life, have a relationship with drugs, hate dogs (I have two) and/or have/want kids. Interestingly, I was a 98% match with someone who met all of these criteria except the drugs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonBeam33
Anyway my original point in the first post was just to point out that women DO make first contact, DO reach out and get the same non-response that men get. So the guys who get on here and say that women never do that can come over and reference this thread.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonBeam33
Ok, I'm quoting myself since there seems to be a misunderstanding here. I'm not asking for advice on online dating, nor am I asking for a critique on my looks. (Thanks, though. No, really.) I am pointing out to all the men who complain that they never get a response even when they write a well thought out message that the same exact thing happens to women too. And also to point out that women online don't just have men falling at their feet as some other posters like to claim. Your experience isn't unique, fellas, it happens to the best of us.
I stopped reading the responses on page 5, but that was more than enough to see that the first rule of C-D is in play: this only happens if you're not a "10." Plain and simple, no other explanation. Woman automatically get 100s of messages a day unless they're average or below.
I was talking to a couple of guys after a Meetup event a couple of weeks ago. One is 36 and just venturing into OLD after going through a divorce. The other is 27. The 36 year old commented that he'd sent out quite a few messages with little response. The 27 year old responded that was because women get at least 30 messages a day. I shook my head and said we really don't get that many. He revised his statement to say that the really hot ones get that many, the average ones get at least a dozen and the rest one or two. I haven't gotten a message in a month. I think I'll go drown my sorrows over being the ugliest woman in the area with my good friends Ben and Jerry.
Your experience with sending out messages was the same as mine. Over the last two months since joining C-D, I've sent out about 10 messages and only 2 responded. I've received about 30; most were of the "hi how are you" variety and half of them were from men nowhere near here.
As for the men being online within 24 hours, I got a message in the middle of the night once from someone asking if I wanted to chat. I was logged in on my phone so the site showed I was online when I was fast asleep.
He revised his statement to say that the really hot ones get that many, the average ones get at least a dozen and the rest one or two.
Wow, he dug himself into a deep hole with that one! Genius.
Quote:
a cold approch
Some people are skilled at the cold-approach method. It worked a couple times for me, but I don't really have the skills for it on any given day - the ability to recognize the opportunity and in particular maintaining the witty small-talk banter is something I struggle with.
I was talking to a couple of guys after a Meetup event a couple of weeks ago. One is 36 and just venturing into OLD after going through a divorce. The other is 27. The 36 year old commented that he'd sent out quite a few messages with little response. The 27 year old responded that was because women get at least 30 messages a day. I shook my head and said we really don't get that many. He revised his statement to say that the really hot ones get that many, the average ones get at least a dozen and the rest one or two. I haven't gotten a message in a month. I think I'll go drown my sorrows over being the ugliest woman in the area with my good friends Ben and Jerry.
Your experience with sending out messages was the same as mine. Over the last two months since joining C-D, I've sent out about 10 messages and only 2 responded. I've received about 30; most were of the "hi how are you" variety and half of them were from men nowhere near here.
Yeah, I guess I must be hideous according to that criteria.
This confuses me. Where is the scam? Would the "woman" request that the guy mail her a check before they meet? To wire money by Western Union? To get her a fiancee visa to the US? If the woman drops out of contact before physically meeting, well, that's a waste of the guy's time, but where is the monetization of the "scam"? If she's unattractive but is masquerading behind a beautiful fake photo, yes, that's misrepresentation, but if she's going to be unmasked anyway, how does that benefit her?
In other words, I see how computer-viruses generate money, or Nigerian money-wiring schemes; but how does online dating generate cash by hoodwinking the gullible?
Ah, you got me there, I was repeating something second hand. I think the scam part was what can happen to some people...that after weeks or months of being drawn into a 'potential' relationship, they may be asked for money for things that sound legit, and think they are helping a real person with a real problem. But, it turns out that the person is just milking them for money little by little. I could try to find links to some of these horror stories if you like. But the part I was repeating from my friend, was an assumption that it was a scam, like the case I mentioned, honestly.
I would think that just the fact that someones profile wasn't real would be questionable whether or not their true identities are revealed in the future, whether it is their real picture or not. I mean, if you are aware that it wasn't a real profile, whether or not it was their real picture, wouldn't that make you wonder what in fact, is up with that?
The pressure that I feel is the paltry return on investment of my time. The upshot isn't being more careful about whom I contact, but on the contrary, essentially ignoring photographs and sending messages based on apparent compatibility based on the profile.
Ah, yes, investment of time...I can relate.
As for "stuff hanging out", I have mixed feelings. I'm too risk-averse, shy and conservative to post a photograph of myself shirtless, but by egotistical side is convinced that such an image, if shown, would be appealing, and would improve response-rates.
Ha ha, yes, I suppose boobage shots will always be popular with the men.
No horror stories. I think most of the 50-60 guys I've met were decent. Most were less than 5 dates though, and I dated one guy for almost a year and a half.
I'm meeting a guy tomorrow and he'll be my 8th online date this year, so I'm averaging one meeting per month. So I'll probably meet four more guys this year unless I hit it off with this one.
I decided to up my game and be more assertive on OkCupid. I have a profile that I recently put back up because I moved to a new area. I re-worked my profile to make it clear, concise, interesting, and not 10 paragraphs long.
In the last 48 hours I have messaged 5 men with simple messages, but showing I have read their profile and mentioning things I like and/or areas we have in common and asked open ended questions. All of them are 80%+ matches with me, and no, I'm not reaching above my "level."
Of course, none of them have messaged me back, even though 4/5 have been online in the last 24 hours. Not even a "Thanks, not interested." For the record, I respond to every message I get except for the obnoxious "DTF?" ones. I sent messages to 2 other men this month, and neither of them responded either.
So I'm just posting this to point that when guys complain that women never contact, please keep in mind that some of us do and we get the same silence that you get, even when we send nice messages.
Oh well, back the drawing board!
Somebody who's this angry and spiteful probably shouldn't be dating anyone anyway.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
