Girlfriend wants an open relationship. She used to be a sexual healer (girlfriends, marry)
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From what we could learn about open relationships. The rule is you have to have a number one. We are our number ones and we say we love each other. She doesn't love anyone else. She just started dating one dude and only a couple times. I frantically went on some dates too and not sure how I feel about that. I just hurt even though my gf and I are great together when we are together and text and talk all the time. We are 100 percent honest and tell each other everything. But she is meeting that dude again in a couple weeks and it is killing me. He lives in another state.
There are no rules. The only one that thinks there are rules.. is you. You've never detached and you are setting groundwork? You are generally what you attract.
My girlfriend of 3 years wants to have an open relationship. Well she already started to. She said she couldn't wait anymore for us to get married. The biggest issue I have of dating again is her past. When I met her she was a "sexual healer". Not sure what that means but she was paid to help men deal with sexual problems from a spiritual sense. That's what her Taoist teacher had taught her at least. To me it was just prostitution. I was able to get her away from that and she started a great career in beauty. Fast forward 3years and now she goes on a date with a guy to a romantic getaway. I am afraid she is going backwards.
She still wants to see me and says she hopes I will finish my divorce(I am separated for 6years)and we can get married but until then she is going to start dating as she says she doesn't want to waste her 20's away waiting for me. My problem is i am so hurting inside. I can't stand the thought if her with other guys. I am not the kind of guy who wants to have several partners. I am so hurting and just need some help to get rid of the pain. Please offer any advice.
This actually makes sense to me. You're not divorced. So she wants you to prove you're serious about her, and finalize the divorce. You've been with her for 3 years, but you haven't completed the divorce in that time? She's right to wonder about your level of commitment. The best way to get her to stop dating around is to finalize that divorce. Why hasn't that happened?
Last edited by NewbiePoster; 08-03-2014 at 08:41 PM..
My girlfriend of 3 years wants to have an open relationship. Well she already started to. She said she couldn't wait anymore for us to get married. The biggest issue I have of dating again is her past. When I met her she was a "sexual healer". Not sure what that means but she was paid to help men deal with sexual problems from a spiritual sense. That's what her Taoist teacher had taught her at least. To me it was just prostitution. I was able to get her away from that and she started a great career in beauty. Fast forward 3years and now she goes on a date with a guy to a romantic getaway. I am afraid she is going backwards.
She still wants to see me and says she hopes I will finish my divorce(I am separated for 6years)and we can get married but until then she is going to start dating as she says she doesn't want to waste her 20's away waiting for me. My problem is i am so hurting inside. I can't stand the thought if her with other guys. I am not the kind of guy who wants to have several partners. I am so hurting and just need some help to get rid of the pain. Please offer any advice.
I don't think half the people on this thread actually read the original post.
OK. So, you met her when she was a "sexual healer". You said you weren't sure what that meant. But you know it was prostitution. She was paid to help men deal with sexual problems from a spiritual sense. Spiritual is not physical. So, did she admit to having sex with these men?
Even if she did, you claim to have gotten her away from that life and she tarted a great career in beauty. So, for 3 years, she was with you and only you, yes?
Now that she has grown tired of waiting for you to get a divorce, you want to dig up her past and blame that for her choice to see other people. Newsflash: a woman does not have to have a past as a hooker/sexual healer (whatever that means) to decide she wants to see other people. She may just have a boyfriend with a wife.
It looks to me like her decision has everything to do with you. I get that you're hurting, and that will often make people create reasons to hate the one who got away. If you can convince yourself she's a sleaze, you'll convince yourself you're better off. But the truth will always rear its ugly head. Best to own your role in it and do what you can to salvage this, if you love her.
Time to grab your convictions and divorce already. Heck, many, if not most, women wouldn't have given you one year, much less three. As Sixy said, crap or get off the pot.
Get the divorce and move on from the "sexual healer"... LOL... it just sounds like prostitution with a nice pleasant albeit benign sounding label... it's not like she's even some kind of licensed therapist... not that that makes a whole lot more sense, but at least it's operating under the guise of some kind of legitimacy.....
She sounds like she just likes the schlong from multiple men..... not judging, just sayin......
Get the divorce and move on from the "sexual healer"... LOL... it just sounds like prostitution with a nice pleasant albeit benign sounding label... it's not like she's even some kind of licensed therapist... not that that makes a whole lot more sense, but at least it's operating under the guise of some kind of legitimacy.....
She sounds like she just likes the schlong from multiple men..... not judging, just sayin......
This thread makes me think of the saying" once a ***** , always a ***** .... "
Now that she has grown tired of waiting for you to get a divorce, you want to dig up her past and blame that for her choice to see other people. Newsflash: a woman does not have to have a past as a hooker/sexual healer (whatever that means) to decide she wants to see other people. She may just have a boyfriend with a wife.
It looks to me like her decision has everything to do with you. I get that you're hurting, and that will often make people create reasons to hate the one who got away. If you can convince yourself she's a sleaze, you'll convince yourself you're better off. But the truth will always rear its ugly head. Best to own your role in it and do what you can to salvage this, if you love her.
+1 Couldn't rep you. But this isn't about her past vocation. This is about her not wanting to commit too far to a guy who's still married. Do your part, OP, then see if everything falls into place on her side. I'm betting it would.
Taoism isn't about sexually abusing your body.. Are you sure she's not pulling your leg?
Taoism does have a tantric sex component. It would be odd for a Taoist teacher to orient his teachings around sexuality, odd and likely corrupt. But it's not outside the realm of possibility. Some "teachers" of Tibetan Buddhism do that. Scandals abound.
My girlfriend of 3 years wants to have an open relationship. Well she already started to. She said she couldn't wait anymore for us to get married. The biggest issue I have of dating again is her past. When I met her she was a "sexual healer". Not sure what that means but she was paid to help men deal with sexual problems from a spiritual sense. That's what her Taoist teacher had taught her at least. To me it was just prostitution. I was able to get her away from that and she started a great career in beauty. Fast forward 3 years and now she goes on a date with a guy to a romantic getaway. I am afraid she is going backwards.
She still wants to see me and says she hopes I will finish my divorce(I am separated for 6 years)and we can get married but until then she is going to start dating as she says she doesn't want to waste her 20's away waiting for me. My problem is i am so hurting inside. I can't stand the thought if her with other guys. I am not the kind of guy who wants to have several partners. I am so hurting and just need some help to get rid of the pain. Please offer any advice.
1. Sexual healer sounds pretty sketchy... It could have been non-physical where she went over the philosophy or it could have been physical. I am going to lean more towards the latter. It was probably one of those new age sex places that I saw on the Showtime show that Penn & Teller had. Her instructor was probably a middle aged hippy who had a wife named Moonbeam or some other ridiculous name...
2. I think in this case open relationship is a euphemism for holding on to you until she finds somebody new...which it seems she has. She is self centered. The only reason why she didn't dump you is because it would have made her feel bad. If you read through the lines, she has basically moved on. On one hand I understand her desire to get married, but her actions are pretty sleazy. Yes, you have dragged your feet on the divorce, but it doesn't justify cheating (that is what a non-consensual open relationship is).
3. Getting married to a woman like that is a bad idea. It would have been a matter of time before she would have looked for something on the side. With her current revelations, it kind of has to make you wonder if she has been getting sausage on the side and for how long...You might as well give her half of your stuff now if you still plan on marrying her...because a zebra doesn't change their stripes and the inevitable has occurred.
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She is self centered. The only reason why she didn't dump you is because it would have made her feel bad. If you read through the lines, she has basically moved on. On one hand I understand her desire to get married, but her actions are pretty sleazy. Yes, you have dragged your feet on the divorce, but it doesn't justify cheating (that is what a non-consensual open relationship is). 
You might as well give her half of your stuff now if you still plan on marrying her...because a zebra doesn't change their stripes and the inevitable has occurred.
