Why do guys have a hard time verbalizing their feelings? (women, love)

[LoveWisdom]

Originally Posted by srjth

This thread is all Chow's fault. He made me do it by posting this.




Why do some guys have this problem? I have even seen this happen within long-term marriages. Why?

Because as a society, we look down on guys who are like girls (sensitive). We like them to be the opposite of girls. And then we want them to be like girls in the same breath.

When someone is taught not to cry (because then you are a sissy), then you will feel embarrassed when you do cry.

Guys are taught not to show vulnerability, to be tough. So as a result, they have to show their tough side and hide their feelings. To talk about feelings is being a sissy.

Girls want this toughness. Then demand that guys turn around and start being sissies (share their feelings). That's what it amounts to.

Maybe girls need to change their perspective and start being attracted to "sensitive" guys rather than "tough/masculine" guys. Then girls will have spouses who share their feelings with them.

[woxyroxme]

I never had this issue with anyone I ever dated, always laid it out there and for the most part it was appreciated.

[Raena77]

Some men can, some don't.

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by woxyroxme

I never had this issue with anyone I ever dated, always laid it out there and for the most part it was appreciated.

Great that you are that way... I'm working on it....

Nice albums in your profile, nice looking couple and you guys look happy...

Best to you....

[Prince_Frog]

Because showing any kind of weakness shows a lack of masculinity. I'd say that most men are told from a young age to be like a rock, or when you get hurt, don't show the pain in your face if possible. "Aw, you scwaped your wittle knee. Does it hurt wittle boi?" Boys are basically told to toughen up early on by there fathers. Saying "I love you" is like showing weakness.

Personally, I don't see how it diminishes a man's masculinity to tell his SO how much he cares about her, but my dad definitely instilled a certain "toughness" in me through that kind of jabbing, and I think that kind of stuff will augment how a boy will react to certain situations throughout his life.

[NilaJones]

I date guys who are comfortable talking about their feelings.

With THOSE guys, my experience is that if one shows love by his actions but doesn't verbalise it, that means that he feels love but is still planning to keep the relationship temporary.

[K-Luv]

Originally Posted by jillabean

Well, biologically speaking (and in general) men have less developed verbal sides of the brain (in favor of the part of the brain that controls hand-eye movement). That's why more men than women have problems with speech after a stroke. The theory behind it is the brain uses a lot of resources, so we evolved slightly differently. Men hunted and developed ways to hunt (hand eye, etc) better and women gathered and gathering takes more communication because you have to explain where to find the food, which foods are the right ripeness, etc, etc.

I think if more women just understood that a lot of men have a problem with saying, "I love you." And more men understood how extremely important it is to a lot of women to hear the words, "I love you." Then things would be better for both. Of course, you have to discuss that on a couple-by-couple basis really.

You are wrong. I know this as fact because I am a man. Get ten men together and the talk is all macho I told my girl, I said woman! Fetch me a turkey pot pie! (speaking of movies ) Get five guys together and the talk is more human Hey guys. You know Suzy and I have been together for a year. I totally dig her and love her like crazy. I was thinking about surprising her with X, or maybe Y. What do you think? Do girls like that sort of thing? Get two guys together and they are practically crying I love my girl so much! No matter what I say or do does not seem to be enough. What can I do to prove my love her. Whaaaaa

The problem with that theory is that it is not a theory, it can't be. It can only be a hypothesis. No one was around back then to witness any of this. Corner a woman with child and she can become downright aggressive. Some women will even go to lengths of prostitution or drug dealing just to have money to put food on the table if things got that bad. Considering this in modern times, I think it is safe to suggest that back in the day, when humans were perhaps more animalistic, that the women took down buffalo along with the men.

Originally Posted by behindthescreen

Men have been conditioned that it is feminine to express one's feelings so they hold them inside. Women say they want men to share their feelings but they would only resent them for showing "weakness" and not being strong enough for them if they actually did.

This is most likely it.

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by NilaJones

I date guys who are comfortable talking about their feelings.

With THOSE guys, my experience is that if one shows love by his actions but doesn't verbalise it, that means that he feels love but is still planning to keep the relationship temporary.

I guess you missed the 22 yrs together post in the other thread on the same subject....

[CSD610]

I think all men should be like my Husband and his 4 brothers.
Anytime we see them and they are all together they all hug without hesitation.
When we leave they all hug, tell each other "I love you" and don't care what anyone else thinks about it.
They are not embarrassed nor ashamed and they do it in public.
When they talk on the phone they always say "I love you" before they hang up.

So, not all men are unable to voice their feelings to each other or others, just some men.

[srjth]

Originally Posted by Prince_Frog

Personally, I don't see how it diminishes a man's masculinity to tell his SO how much he cares about her

It doesn't. At least not to me.

So, do men like this think that the woman won't like him anymore if he tells her how much he cares about her? Just trying to understand.