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In the world of dating, people will often talk about the things that supposedly work against them. Their weight, their age, their height, their race, the fact that they have kids, etc. But have you reached a point where you now realize the thing you thought was a disadvantage really wasn't? And if so, what was it and what made you realize that?
The reason I started this thread was because I have my own ideas of things that work against me. But I sometimes wonder if I'm just imagining it, that maybe these things aren't working against me at all. I'm hoping to reach that point which is why I'm curious if anyone else has also.
It's not a bad thing to know your weaknesses and disadvantages, so yes I would say it's inside the head of the person concerned.It depends on how they deal with it.
Your "disadvantages" are only such to those who have hang-ups about who and what your are. That's not the kind of person you want anyway. You want the person who accepts you with all of your perceived societal flaws. I say "perceived" because many of things you listed, we live in a society that makes us feel that if we have or are any of things these we are not worthy of love and should be left out to pasture.
When I think of the fact that I'm single and my so-called disadvantages, I look around and see others with these same "issues" who are in loving relationships. It's not these "disadvantages" that keeps you single. You just haven't found the right person who loves you who is open-mined who don't have hang-ups about whatever negative trait you feel you have. If you are doing online dating, it can really make you feel like you don't deserve to be with anyone, because everyone can check a box or write out a profile stating what they don't want. And they have a right to their preferences. But that doesn't mean there's not anyone who wouldn't prefer YOU.
Remember this:
* For every person who won't date someone of a certain ethnicity, there's someone who will.
* For every person who won't date someone of a certain age, there's someone who will.
* For every person who won't date someone of a certain weight, there's someone who will.
* For every person who won't date someone who has kids, there's someone who will.
You get the idea.
If there's anything negative about yourself that you need to work on or change, work on those things. If you feel you need to lose weight, lose weight. If you have some mental issues you feel you need to work on, work on them. If you feel you need to improve your career, improve on it. Go back to school, take classes, get certifications, etc. The things that can be improved, work on improving them. You want to be your best self whenever possible. Work on them not just to attract someone else, but to build up your confidence and self-esteem--to feel better about yourself. When you build up your confidence and self-esteem, you'll radiate it and attract others.
For the things you can't change (i.e. your race, your age, your kids), don't see them as disadvantages. You are who you are. There's nothing wrong being your race, having and loving your kids or being the age that you are. Improve on the things you can improve so you can attract the person who loves you in spite of the things you can't change.
This is the realization that I've come to. When I feel like I'm at a disadvantage, I remind myself of all the other "imperfect" people who possess my "disadvantages" who find love all the time. The problem with dating today is that we all want and feel we deserve perfection.
Last edited by Atlanta_BD; 08-30-2014 at 12:51 PM..
My disadvantages arise from sincere devotion towards hinduism and vegetarianism. The two have been a tradition in our caste for centuries. I love the rich culture we possess, but people who I have attraction towards would simply refuse to follow our lifestyle.
There are disadvantages that are a reality and it's evident every day on forums like this. We have people who don't date shy people. We have people who don't date overweight people. We have people who don't date religious people. The list could go on forever.
The key is to find someone who will accept you for who you are. Until that happens, we all are working against our perceived "disadvantages" as we try to find the right person who will accept us as is. Or, in the case of an overweight person, it might be as simple as changing your diet and exercising.
All those things really aren't disadvantages per say. There are people who live overweight people and there are people who like shy people. Just be yourself!
Your "disadvantages" are only such to those who have hang-ups about who and what your are. That's not the kind of person you want anyway. You want the person who accepts you with all of your perceived societal flaws. I say "perceived" because many of things you listed, we live in a society that makes us feel that if we have or are any of things these we are not worthy of love and should be left out to pasture.
When I think of the fact that I'm single and my so-called disadvantages, I look around and see others with these same "issues" who are in loving relationships. It's not these "disadvantages" that keeps you single. You just haven't found the right person who loves you who is open-mined who don't have hang-ups about whatever negative trait you feel you have. If you are doing online dating, it can really make you feel like you don't deserve to be with anyone, because everyone can check a box or write out a profile stating what they don't want. And they have a right to their preferences. But that doesn't mean there's not anyone who wouldn't prefer YOU.
Remember this:
* For every person who won't date someone of a certain ethnicity, there's someone who will.
* For every person who won't date someone of a certain age, there's someone who will.
* For every person who won't date someone of a certain weight, there's someone who will.
* For every person who won't date someone who has kids, there's someone who will.
You get the idea.
If there's anything negative about yourself that you need to work on or change, work on those things. If you feel you need to lose weight, lose weight. If you have some mental issues you feel you need to work on, work on them. If you feel you need to improve your career, improve on it. Go back to school, take classes, get certifications, etc. The things that can be improved, work on improving them. You want to be your best self whenever possible. Work on them not just to attract someone else, but to build up your confidence and self-esteem--to feel better about yourself. When you build up your confidence and self-esteem, you'll radiate it and attract others.
For the things you can't change (i.e. your race, your age, your kids), don't see them as disadvantages. You are who you are. There's nothing wrong being your race, having and loving your kids or being the age that you are. Improve on the things you can improve so you can attract the person who loves you in spite of the things you can't change.
This is the realization that I've come to. When I feel like I'm at a disadvantage, I remind myself of all the other "imperfect" people who possess my "disadvantages" who find love all the time. The problem with dating today is that we all want and feel we deserve perfection.
Exactly. Also things like mental health, career, etc. are things that should be improved independently of whether or not you are involved with someone.
My disadvantages arise from sincere devotion towards hinduism and vegetarianism. The two have been a tradition in our caste for centuries. I love the rich culture we possess, but people who I have attraction towards would simply refuse to follow our lifestyle.
So why are you trying to make them live your lifestyle? Except their different lifestyle, and be with those who accept your lifestyle.
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