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I think part of what is going on is that people in relationships tend to divide up the emotional positions.
In reality, everybody wants some degree of commitment and everybody is afraid of it. But couples tend to polarise. One person becomes 'the one who wants commitment' and the other becomes 'the one who is afraid of commitment'.
So it can seem like you are picking the wrong partners when that is really not what's going on.
In addition to looking younger and older, you might try looking for more self aware. Someone who will recognise their own inner conflicts and not do the polarising thing.
I'm in DC. I would think there would be a significant number of career-oriented guys who didnt want those things.
Most of those guys want a traditional life and a focus on career doesn't mean they won't get it - they go for housewives eventually. DC isn't very "alternative."
You've been very consistent about wanting a nontraditional life path over the years. You may need to go where there are lots of other nontraditional types. Hippie types might be your best bet
Maybe there is a golden age where this happens. My experience is with men in their 40s and even early 50s... most are divorced and seem to want to settle down again.
Or maybe find men in that age-range who have never been married... that's an idea. they are hard to find, but they are out there.
Or maybe find the ones who have already been married and know better now.
I hope you find the answer to this because it's been my problem too. I keep meeting men who are "done with dating" and "Ready to settle down." I am just getting out there again and want to keep it light and have fun. It's frustrating.
Maybe it's the universe playing cruel tricks on us. Pair up commitment-minded men with non-commitment minded women and commitment-minded women with non-commitment minded men, lol. Man alive the universe is a jerk.
Most of those guys want a traditional life and a focus on career doesn't mean they won't get it - they go for housewives eventually. DC isn't very "alternative."
You've been very consistent about wanting a nontraditional life path over the years. You may need to go where there are lots of other nontraditional types. Hippie types might be your best bet
DC also happens to be a mission statement driven place. People here are very serious when it comes to goals, setting them, and achieving them: work goals, fitness goals, personal goals. In a lot of ways, it's a land of overachievers and outdoing the Jones. I think this spills over to relationship goals for a lot of people and they "set goals" for their relationships. Like the guy I dated who had a two-year plan that included meeting someone, getting married, and moving into a large house. Just my personal observation... it's not rooted in anything other than opinion and my limited experience though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney123
Or maybe find the ones who have already been married and know better now.
Unicorns! lol
Okay, an exaggeration, but you'd think that would be the norm with the talk of how hard divorce is on men, but it doesn't seem to be in most cases. Men must suffer the same phenomenon with marriage that woman do with child birth... you forget how uncomfortable it is and how much it hurt so you try again.
Maybe you are subconsciously picking men like your dad? Or picking men that you know, deep down in the invisible part of your self, you will ultimately reject.
Maybe you are subconsciously picking men like your dad? Or picking men that you know, deep down in the invisible part of your self, you will ultimately reject.
Where there's a pattern, there's a purpose.
Absolutely. There's a level of commitment the OP does not want to experience, which has a tendency to cause you to wash numerous partners to reach a point of reflection or there's no more partners to wash.
Maybe you are subconsciously picking men like your dad? Or picking men that you know, deep down in the invisible part of your self, you will ultimately reject.
Where there's a pattern, there's a purpose.
Could be the second bolded part. Definitely not the first part.
I do believe there is intention in any pattern.
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