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Wow, this situation sounds a lot like mine. Except I've been single for over 7 years. I didn't plan it that way. It was just the way it happened.
First I lived in a very rural area for 4 of those years, there just wasn't time to meet anyone, and I had my kids with me all the time. Like you, I had just divorced someone whose rights had been terminated. There was that, AND I had huge emotional scars to deal with.
The first two years were the hardest, but I recognized that I was an emotional mess. Having someone else come into my life would have been a mistake. Nevertheless, I felt I had something to prove and did meet a guy who ended up being SUCH a mistake. He was one taco short of a full platter. My kids still remember him and mistrust ME for having allowed him into our lives.
I realized after that guy that I had a serious responsibility to my little family to protect our physical boundaries, our home, and our emotional boundaries.
I wanted to date, but I realized that I just didn't have the strength to deal with the extra energy it takes to do all of that.
I found ways to keep busy, to do things with other families with kids, and my friends, and time has flown by. I'm finally in a place financially emotionally and physically to do it. My kids are a lot older now, and they don't need me to present every minute.
But, I'm still going to wait a while once I find someone before I introduce him to them. I just can't deal with the idea of them crying over a lost daddy.
That should NEVER happen. In a perfect world it wouldn't. But, I picked their dad, and he the things he did, and thats the reality of it.
Not that I think I will find someone soon, but when I do, I want to be prepared. I have two children and I do not want them to have the disappointment of yet another man walking away. I know my daughter can't handle it. Her father abandoned her as a toddler and my sons father walked out after 7 years.
I was thinking that after a year of dating, and I feel that it will be a good potential relationship for the foreseeable future, that it might be ok to introduce the kids. But is this realistic? Is a year to long? Not long enough?
What if I invest another year and he decides he hates my kids after meeting them? I am to old to be wasting time with men that are not potential marriage material.
This dating thing truly sucks.
Never thought a random post can still make me cry..
No advice to offer, but I am here for you.
I have two nephews and the family they used to know is now gone. I just wish that there would be somebody nice who can be able to love my sister at the same time, treat my nephews with human decency.
im getting to an age where alot of women have kids. (30yrs old) But with that said, i rather not date a woman with kids.
Funny story: 14 months ago, this girl had feelings for me but I wasn't interested in a romance, just a friendship. Well, she didn't want to be friends and left. I saw the girl yesterday and she has a new 4 month year old baby. So by doing the math, she was first pregnant 13 months ago. So it doesn't look like she was pregnant while she was interested in me, but it was shortly thereafter she was. And she has the right to have sex with whomever she wants, but to get knocked up approx. one month after me saying no.......YIKES.
You can't impose a timeline on what will ultimately be completely unpredictable. You can't predict when you will be ready to date, when you will meet a great guy, when your kids will be ready to meet the great guy.
Okay, so you are thinking ahead, and you are aware that your kids don't need you to install a revolving door for your dates.
I had a very dear friend who thought she should wait to introduce her beau to her kids for about six months. Six weeks in, they bumped into him at a street fair. It was completely organic and non threatening. Hung out together for the rest of the afternoon. Afterwards, her son said, Hey mom, that guy is nice, why don't you go out with him?
Six months later they married and moved in together. Still going strong.
Why not just use your best judgement when the time arrives and take it as it comes? My kids meet people in my life all the time. Co-workers, neighbors, old friends passing through town, they don't give those relationships any particular weight. They just happen. You DO need to model appropriate social interactions and that includes manners, problem solving, comparing value systems and dating. Why impose some sort of artificial rule on when would be the right time to meet a boyfriend?
You can only do this one day at a time. Enjoy the babysteps.
You can't impose a timeline on what will ultimately be completely unpredictable. You can't predict when you will be ready to date, when you will meet a great guy, when your kids will be ready to meet the great guy.
Okay, so you are thinking ahead, and you are aware that your kids don't need you to install a revolving door for your dates.
I had a very dear friend who thought she should wait to introduce her beau to her kids for about six months. Six weeks in, they bumped into him at a street fair. It was completely organic and non threatening. Hung out together for the rest of the afternoon. Afterwards, her son said, Hey mom, that guy is nice, why don't you go out with him?
Six months later they married and moved in together. Still going strong.
Why not just use your best judgement when the time arrives and take it as it comes? My kids meet people in my life all the time. Co-workers, neighbors, old friends passing through town, they don't give those relationships any particular weight. They just happen. You DO need to model appropriate social interactions and that includes manners, problem solving, comparing value systems and dating. Why impose some sort of artificial rule on when would be the right time to meet a boyfriend?
You can only do this one day at a time. Enjoy the babysteps.
Why not just use your best judgement when the time arrives and take it as it comes?
I think the OP is asking the question because her best judgement isn't all that great. I'm not trying to slam her, I just get the impression that she feels that way.
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