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That "other time" wasn't that long ago, and women could, and still do, display a variety of behaviors, and still find dudes who are into them. The article seemed superficial to me, it didn't go into the kind of detail you're reading into it. A deeper analysis would have been more interesting.
My take on the scene for 20-somethings is that the trend is for group activities, then from there, after getting comfortable with each other, couples spin off and do their own thing.
To me, if what you're doing works for you, great! But my takeaway was that the writer is a 20-something and is seeing people's dissatisfaction around her with the dating scene, and pointing out what she believes may be causes of it.
The article really isn't that out there, nor inflammatory. It's not outdated or too formal to actually ask someone out directly, to do something specific at a specific time. If you can't find anyone to maybe sort of hang with sometime, try asking for what you actually want, so the person you're interested in actually knows you're interested.
Like I said, if being ambiguous works, by all means, have at it! But considering that group or non-dating is a newer phenomena, and there seems some angst with it, tells me it's not better than the way dating used to be 15 years ago. It's not about going back to the good ol' days, but it's not that dating broke and needed to be fixed either. It's evolved, and not all of it is for the better. If you never dated "the other way" you can't compare, but I wouldn't trade dating the way I did 20 years ago for the way it is now.
But there are no logical flaws to point out, since she didn't go into that detail. You're projecting onto the article in order to inflame the discussion according to rumors you've heard, not even your own observations. There's a name for people who stir the pot with their own projections...
I see this as the same old issue of a 20-something woman unable to find the type of guy she wants. Nothing new there. There have been guys (and women) into casual hookups since time immemorial. Some of this will resolve with a bit more maturity, as the age cohort approaches 30.
"Some," maybe. Maybe not.
30's: see - post divorce, 'having fun' crowd.
My very limited, almost non-existent dating experience as a 33/F in my area resembles this blogger's opinion. Men in their 30's are non-committal, vague and elusive. So much that I have not gone out on more than a handful of dates in over a year's time. In my area with my age group, "hanging out" implies hooking up with virtually no commitment beyond a mutually agreeable time and place. But, also leaving options open just in case - if someone hotter or cooler comes along, plans can always be rescheduled.
I have seen dozens of men 'collecting' friends on social networks for this purpose. I'm not buying into it - I'll be content being single for the rest of my days if need be. I don't hate the other gender for the currently acceptable social norm, but I'm disappointed in the experience overall.
^^^This. This is why I shared the link. Asking someone to hang out and do something sometime is not signalling any true intention to go on a date.
You don't ask your boss for a raise by text, nor by shuffling your feet and mumbling about maybe getting some extra money for you know, stuff you've done this past year or whatever.
I don't think dating today would be half as confusing if people were direct about their intentions, instead of vague and making people guess and wonder. This forum is full of posts wondering about what someone means because people aren't being clear.
Oh brother! I just back from a business trip and I called my guy to let him know I was home. During the conversation he said.. "Maybe"we can hang out this weekend. I took maybe to mean that he was saying he was free for the weekend and if I was.... We could get together. No pressure. I didn't automatically assume
that maybe he didn't really want to see me, or he wasn't committed. To me it was akin to asking if I was busy. Nothing more. Sure he could have just said, hey do you want to go on a date this weekend? What's the difference?
Maybe that person is saying the same thing.. Hey if you're not busy.... Yada yada. No pressure, giving you the option. Hanging out could just mean.. Casually, let's just hang out. You can't just hang out? If it's not a formal "date".. Uh oh there's something wrong here!
Oh brother! I just back from a business trip and I called my guy to let him know I was home. During the conversation he said.. "Maybe"we can hang out this weekend. I took maybe to mean that he was saying he was free for the weekend and if I was.... We could get together. No pressure. I didn't automatically assume
that maybe he didn't really want to see me, or he wasn't committed. To me it was akin to asking if I was busy. Nothing more. Sure he could have just said, hey do you want to go on a date this weekend? What's the difference?
Maybe that person is saying the same thing.. Hey if you're not busy.... Yada yada. No pressure, giving you the option. Hanging out could just mean.. Casually, let's just hang out. You can't just hang out? If it's not a formal "date".. Uh oh there's something wrong here!
Since you already have "a guy" this article wouldn't apply to you.
My very limited, almost non-existent dating experience as a 33/F in my area resembles this blogger's opinion. Men in their 30's are non-committal, vague and elusive. So much that I have not gone out on more than a handful of dates in over a year's time. In my area with my age group, "hanging out" implies hooking up with virtually no commitment beyond a mutually agreeable time and place. But, also leaving options open just in case - if someone hotter or cooler comes along, plans can always be rescheduled.
I have seen dozens of men 'collecting' friends on social networks for this purpose. I'm not buying into it - I'll be content being single for the rest of my days if need be. I don't hate the other gender for the currently acceptable social norm, but I'm disappointed in the experience overall.
Women have just as much to contribute to hook up culture as men do, if not more so.
Men will only work as hard for sex that is required for it. If women universally required a few real dates and some level of commitment for sex, this article wouldn't exist. But when you have women that simply require you entertain them for an hour or so at the bar and text them every now and then.....
Oh brother! I just back from a business trip and I called my guy to let him know I was home. During the conversation he said.. "Maybe"we can hang out this weekend. I took maybe to mean that he was saying he was free for the weekend and if I was.... We could get together. No pressure. I didn't automatically assume
that maybe he didn't really want to see me, or he wasn't committed. To me it was akin to asking if I was busy. Nothing more. Sure he could have just said, hey do you want to go on a date this weekend? What's the difference?
Maybe that person is saying the same thing.. Hey if you're not busy.... Yada yada. No pressure, giving you the option. Hanging out could just mean.. Casually, let's just hang out. You can't just hang out? If it's not a formal "date".. Uh oh there's something wrong here!
Comparing apples and oranges here. In your case, your "guy" is past the introductory stage. We're talking about someone that hasn't even been given a label past "prospect" - and, one that will either disappear into the masses unless you chase after him, or will talk to you occasionally without ever making a move until you lose interest and move on.
Women have just as much to contribute to hook up culture as men do, if not more so.
Men will only work as hard for sex that is required for it. If women universally required a few real dates and some level of commitment for sex, this article wouldn't exist. But when you have women that simply require you entertain them for an hour or so at the bar and text them every now and then.....
I am not denying that women can play a role in it. Women probably do. But, just we can't say 100% men do, 100% women do not. And it is a tough go around for those of us women that don't.
To me, if what you're doing works for you, great! But my takeaway was that the writer is a 20-something and is seeing people's dissatisfaction around her with the dating scene, and pointing out what she believes may be causes of it.
The article really isn't that out there, nor inflammatory. It's not outdated or too formal to actually ask someone out directly, to do something specific at a specific time. If you can't find anyone to maybe sort of hang with sometime, try asking for what you actually want, so the person you're interested in actually knows you're interested.
Like I said, if being ambiguous works, by all means, have at it! But considering that group or non-dating is a newer phenomena, and there seems some angst with it, tells me it's not better than the way dating used to be 15 years ago. It's not about going back to the good ol' days, but it's not that dating broke and needed to be fixed either. It's evolved, and not all of it is for the better. If you never dated "the other way" you can't compare, but I wouldn't trade dating the way I did 20 years ago for the way it is now.
I have dated the other way, still do. And I'm not alone. That was my point. The poster I was responding to made it sound like no one has done that since the 1950's, when some women were still wearing hoop skirts. People do what they're comfortable with. Some men have no problem asking women out on a date. The ones who are more into playing games, or who are too shy to show overt interest, pretend it's a non-date. If that works for them, fine. If it doesn't, they'll have to adjust, or get used to hanging out with dudes, mostly.
I am not denying that women can play a role in it. Women probably do. But, just we can't say 100% men do, 100% women do not. And it is a tough go around for those of us women that don't.
My generally accepted opinion is that women are the gate keepers to sex. Women as a whole control how easy, or how much work is required for it.
If the general female population will hand out sex when I text them "let's chill, my place," then I'm likely not going to be wining and dining anyone. Why would I? I have good, easy sex basically on demand with little to no strings .
I love sex. And if all these women required dates and a level of commitment and my lazy approach began to fail, I'd change up so I could continue having sex. That simple. Most men are also, that simple.
Since you already have "a guy" this article wouldn't apply to you.
Ok... Same difference if one is just dating. He could just as easily be saying the same thing. Hey if your not busy this weekend maybe we could hang out? Does it really mean he's really not interested in seeing you
or is just putting it out there. Oh yeah.. I'd like to hang out, or sorry I already have plans. Hey I am not busy this weekend are you free? If he really wasn't interested .. Why even throw " maybe" out there? Why bring up seeing you at all? Does a guy have to show up at your door wearing a tux and holding a dozen roses to prove he's interested?
Oh and by the way.. Before I met my guy.. I dated! Odd as it may seem.
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