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Let me go ahead and say that I know there are parts of this that are probably a little over dramatic but hopefully everyone can understand the back story and why I feel this way.
Many of you have read my thread about the guy on my softball team who SEEMED pretty interested in me.
To start, about a week and a half ago, I fractured my hand playing first base in a softball game.
From there, the flirting persisted and I continued to feel confused. Well, a few weekends ago, Jason and I and a number of other guys (I was the only girl), went to a professional soccer game. All the guys were super helpful and accommodating, carrying my purse and jacket, opening doors ... basically just doing their best to make my life easier since I had a cast on my dominant hand. And what does Jason do? Give me his things to carry - so very sweet of him!
Later that night we all went back to our friend's condo to get ready for the night. By the end of the night we were all pretty hammered and Jason and I left together and he took me home. On the ride home, I expressed my interest in him but he pushed back that another guy on the team was interested in me and our friend Whitney (the one he is basically BFF with) was interested in him and he didn't want to mess up the team dynamic. So I left it at that, got out of his car and went up to my place.
About 2 minutes later, he calls me and asks if he could stay at my place, that he didn't want to try to drive home. I said that was fine and let him up. He got settled on the sofa and I half laid down on the other end and almost passed out until he reached over and pulled me to cuddle with him. We fell asleep together and that was that.
The next morning he tells me that he thought it was best if we didn't tell anyone that he stayed. I'm not sure if he expected me to react differently but when I said "No worries, its cool", he gave me this weird look and said "I feel like you are a loose cannon". UM, WHY?! Because you are used to girls pursuing the crap out of you and something must be wrong with me since I'm not?! Obviously that didn't sit well with me. I walked him out and that was that.
....until he called me 5 minutes later to reiterate that the ONLY reason he didn't want anyone to know that he stayed was because he didnt want to mess up the "team" dynamic, blah blah. He seriously said it over and over and over. In fact, he called me again about an hour later to re-reiterate AGAIN that it was nothing other than not wanting drama. I said "From now on, I think its best we only hang out in group settings". He paused and said "But I like hanging out". I said "Yea, but I'm not going to be someone's secret so to avoid being dishonest, its best to hang out where people can see us".
After that, I saw him in group settings but I honestly didn't pay him any mind.
Fast forward to this past weekend - we put together a flag football team. I planned on playing and he was on board with that. I dedicated my Sunday afternoon to go play some pick-up, cast and all. The problem was, he kept making these snide remarks and I felt like he had a problem with me playing.
Yesterday was my follow-up appointment and I got my cast off (wooohooooo). Later that afternoon, Jason calls me. He starts the conversation with "So I heard you got your cast off - that's nice - but I've been thinking about it and I think you need to sit this season out. His rationale? Not once did he communicate any concern about not wanting me to re-injure it or lets rest it so you can be good to play the following season. His problem was that it wasn't fair for me to get playing time over the other girls and how I would only give 50% blah blah.
My problem with this is - I've played competitive sports my entire life. I've played through many injuries. I'm also better with one hand than our other girls with 2. And if I pay my money to play, do I not have just as much right to play as the other girls?! I wasn't even given a chance to try!! To me, that is like telling this one girl we have on our softball team that she can't play because she sucks and its not fair for her to have playing time over girls that are actually good.
The other thing is, I'm really good. I have had multiple teams who have literally begged for me to play with them. Why would I want to play on a team with someone who has such little disregard for my feelings or my well-being?
So I basically said I wasn't going to be on the team anymore.
And maybe that is a bit dramatic but after the way he has treated me over the last few weeks, I don't exactly want to be on a team with him.
Thoughts??
Last edited by sweetjess1951; 08-12-2014 at 08:02 AM..
I have no idea whats going on with all of that. All I can say is, if you don't feel appreciated anywhere, then go somewhere else. Maybe you should talk to some other influential members of the team, let them know what was said and what went on, perhaps he would be the one looking for a new home?
I don't think I'd kick you off the team, but if you weren't at full strength and there were better players, you'd be doing a whole lot more sitting until you got better. Thats just being a coach. Sounds like this guy has other issues of not wanting to be around you, and he is using this as an excuse to see you gone so it doesn't cause him pain.
I have no idea whats going on with all of that. All I can say is, if you don't feel appreciated anywhere, then go somewhere else. Maybe you should talk to some other influential members of the team, let them know what was said and what went on, perhaps he would be the one looking for a new home?
I don't think I'd kick you off the team, but if you weren't at full strength and there were better players, you'd be doing a whole lot more sitting until you got better. Thats just being a coach. Sounds like this guy has other issues of not wanting to be around you, and he is using this as an excuse to see you gone so it doesn't cause him pain.
See, I'm usually a rational person. So if he had approached it better by telling me he didn't want me to re-injure myself and was a bit more sensitive to the situation, I would have taken it better. Plus, I'm better with one hand than the other girls with 2. That's not even a good reason, IMO.
But when I still had my cast on on Sunday, I was catching the ball and playing defense just fine. The season just started. I would be playing with a brace for 2 weeks and then back at 100%.
So yes, I agree that I feel like there is another reason why he doesn't want me on the team.
If you paid to play, how can you be kicked off the team? Jason sounds like a tool. Tell him to go snuggle with Whitney and quit the butthurt little comments.
If you paid to play, how can you be kicked off the team? Jason sounds like a tool. Tell him to go snuggle with Whitney and quit the butthurt little comments.
I do know that my sons weekend football league has you sign a waiver. Usually there is fine print saying that you can be asked to leave for any reason, with no expectation of a refund.
I'm sure its the same in most weekend leagues like this.
Let me go ahead and say that I know there are parts of this that are probably a little over dramatic but hopefully everyone can understand the back story and why I feel this way.
Many of you have read my thread about the guy on my softball team who SEEMED pretty interested in me.
To start, about a week and a half ago, I fractured my hand playing first base in a softball game.
From there, the flirting persisted and I continued to feel confused. Well, a few weekends ago, Jason and I and a number of other guys (I was the only girl), went to a professional soccer game. All the guys were super helpful and accommodating, carrying my purse and jacket, opening doors ... basically just doing their best to make my life easier since I had a cast on my dominant hand. And what does Jason do? Give me his things to carry - so very sweet of him!
Later that night we all went back to our friend's condo to get ready for the night. By the end of the night we were all pretty hammered and Jason and I left together and he took me home. On the ride home, I expressed my interest in him but he pushed back that another guy on the team was interested in me and our friend Whitney (the one he is basically BFF with) was interested in him and he didn't want to mess up the team dynamic. So I left it at that, got out of his car and went up to my place.
About 2 minutes later, he calls me and asks if he could stay at my place, that he didn't want to try to drive home. I said that was fine and let him up. He got settled on the sofa and I half laid down on the other end and almost passed out until he reached over and pulled me to cuddle with him. We fell asleep together and that was that.
The next morning he tells me that he thought it was best if we didn't tell anyone that he stayed. I'm not sure if he expected me to react differently but when I said "No worries, its cool", he gave me this weird look and said "I feel like you are a loose cannon". UM, WHY?! Because you are used to girls pursuing the crap out of you and something must be wrong with me since I'm not?! Obviously that didn't sit well with me. I walked him out and that was that.
....until he called me 5 minutes later to reiterate that the ONLY reason he didn't want anyone to know that he stayed was because he didnt want to mess up the "team" dynamic, blah blah. He seriously said it over and over and over. In fact, he called me again about an hour later to re-reiterate AGAIN that it was nothing other than not wanting drama. I said "From now on, I think its best we only hang out in group settings". He paused and said "But I like hanging out". I said "Yea, but I'm not going to be someone's secret so to avoid being dishonest, its best to hang out where people can see us".
After that, I saw him in group settings but I honestly didn't pay him any mind.
Fast forward to this past weekend - we put together a flag football team. I planned on playing and he was on board with that. I dedicated my Sunday afternoon to go play some pick-up, cast and all. The problem was, he kept making these snide remarks and I felt like he had a problem with me playing.
Yesterday was my follow-up appointment and I got my cast off (wooohooooo). Later that afternoon, Jason calls me. He starts the conversation with "So I heard you got your cast off - that's nice - but I've been thinking about it and I think you need to sit this season out. His rationale? Not once did he communicate any concern about not wanting me to re-injure it or lets rest it so you can be good to play the following season. His problem was that it wasn't fair for me to get playing time over the other girls and how I would only give 50% blah blah.
My problem with this is - I've played competitive sports my entire life. I've played through many injuries. I'm also better with one hand than our other girls with 2. And if I pay my money to play, do I not have just as much right to play as the other girls?! I wasn't even given a chance to try!! To me, that is like telling this one girl we have on our softball team that she can't play because she sucks and its not fair for her to have playing time over girls that are actually good.
The other thing is, I'm really good. I have had multiple teams who have literally begged for me to play with them. Why would I want to play on a team with someone who has such little disregard for my feelings or my well-being?
So I basically said I wasn't going to be on the team anymore.
And maybe that is a bit dramatic but after the way he has treated me over the last few weeks, I don't exactly want to be on a team with him.
Thoughts??
Oh wow!! I remember your other thread about him with the flirting. It really sounded like he was totally into you. Sorry this happened
Honestly, I think it has nothing to do with the team itself or you possibly injuring yourself. I think he stewed in his own juices a few days after you told him you only want to hang out with him in a group. Sounds like he's retaliating. After reading this, it almost sounds like he was trying to establish a FWB relationship with you, which is probably why he wants all this secrecy.
Is he the captain/coach or manager? If he's just another player on the team, he has no business dictating whether or not you should play.
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