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When we got married we both didnt give a hoot about money. We didnt budget, balance or care. Then hubby went the other direction and went overboard and i was the spending one. Now 9yrs later we are both finally on the same page through trial, error and prayer. We budget, sit down together, go over everything.
So would we marry again if we knew what we do/did? Yeah because it was part of the process to learn how to cooperate together with money.
The amount of the debt isn't disturbing. I would be more concerned with the way they manage the debt and their other financial obligations. If you have a 20k debt and pay $25 a month on it or buy clothes before you pay your light bill then we have a problem. It's one thing to be blind-sided after a marriage but to know before-hand and still marry them? You're asking for it and deserve what you get.
No way unless they are aggressively paying it down and I see wholesale lifestyle changes. It's a character flaw barring medical bills, unemployment, a few other things. Plus finances are the #1 reason for divorce.
Marry or serious relationship. Say they have 20K and up in debt. They pay things off on time. They may not be the most responsible with money (e.g. shopping a lot, not saving money, etc) but in other areas the relationship is good.
Would debt and poor spending habits detract you from this person? The biggest cause of divorce is financial issues. Something to think about.
When I mention spending habits, this is what I've experienced with some girls that aren't 'great' spending habits:
-won't do basic car maintenance, but will spend money on clothes they don't need
-will spend a lot of money on their hair and mani/pedi. I do care if a girl takes care of themselves though. attention to detail, but within reason
-expects you to pay all the time when going out, yet has frivolous spending habits
-eats out a lot. I am guilty of this some, but that is a leak in your budget
-lives out of their means
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meyerland
That's a different kind of debt. Most people have a mortgage, school loans or a car payment. That's normal debt you accrue in life, and does not reflect poor finance decisions. ( unless you spend more on a house than you can afford, buy a new car every three years, or are a perpetual student.)
Debt by itself isn't a bad thing. As Meyerland pointed out, it's common for people to have certain kinds of debt. What matters is how you manage it. Are you paying all your bills on time? Or have you taken on more debt than you can handle? If my partner has her own income, then I don't worry how she spends it. Maybe she wants a nicer car than me or nicer clothes. It would only bother me if I felt her spending habits were interfering with her ability to meet shared responsibilities. For example, if we owned a house together or were raising children together.
Young people go through a learning process when it comes to managing money. They land their first job and see more money than they've ever had and it becomes easy to run out and spend it. But over time, they learn to indulge less and get better about saving. That's why it's important not to assume that someone who's a big spender now will always be that way. If you meet someone who's older and still spends a lot, then it's safe to say they won't change.
If your goal is to get married, buy a house, and start a family, then it does become important to look at your partner's debt and spending habits. The more debt she's paying off, the less she'll have to help buy a house or pay for day care and other childcare expenses. That might force you to delay buying a house or starting a family.
It would depend on what the habits and lifestyle are. As I like to spend and enjoy life, I wouldn't mind a reasonable amount of debt, but if you can't pay regular bills, that's a problem.
Hey, how many of us are saying "never again." We learned the hard way, huh? I helped my ex get out of debt before we married---but his bad habits never really were broken. It made things very stressful at times. So put me in the "never again" category. Right now, except for my mortgage, I am debt free and loving it. Never again... no credit card balances, no car loans, nothing. It's a very liberating feeling too.
That's a different kind of debt. Most people have a mortgage, school loans or a car payment. That's normal debt you accrue in life, and does not reflect poor finance decisions. ( unless you spend more on a house than you can afford, buy a new car every three years, or are a perpetual student.)
Exactly.
But the question was if "somebody with a lot of debt/bad spending habits" was considered viable for marriage. IMO, it's not a given that the two are interchangeable. One can have "a lot" of debt (bearing in mind that what one may consider "a lot" is pretty subjective), but still be proceeding with life responsibly, paying things down and living on a reasonabe budget.
I did date a guy who flat out told me he'd never marry anybody who had student loans to pay off (his parents had paid for his degree).
For me, it's about the ability to think and act rationally about money.
$300,000 in credit card debt is ok if it's at 0% interest, you used it to pay for medical school, and you are now a doctor.
$10,000 on a car loan when you are making $30,000 is not ok.
More typical in my socioeconomic bracket: $200,000 on a mortgage is ok if it will be paid off before you retire, and you have $1.5mill in your retirement accounts.
If you have a bad credit rating, that's usually a clear sign that you don't make rational decisions about money.
Many of the women I meet who ask me if I am interested in a serious relationship are shocked and offended when I tell them -- "only with someone without debt."
I guess I'll always be the jerk in this situation.
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I helped my ex get out of debt before we married---but his bad habits never really were broken. It made things very stressful at times. So put me in the "never again" category. Right now, except for my mortgage, I am debt free and loving it. Never again... no credit card balances, no car loans, nothing. It's a very liberating feeling too.
