Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Everyone has a different idea of what "cheating" means to them. What does cheating mean to you? The below choices assume there is sexual or romantic attraction:
A Full on intercourse with someone other than your partner
B. Kissing/hugging someone other than your partner
C. Hanging out/going out somewhere with someone other than your partner
D. Fantasizing/thinking sexually about someone other than your partner (on a regular basis)
I'm just kind of curious what how different people view this, basically where does a person draw the line.
Everyone has a different idea of what "cheating" means to them. What does cheating mean to you? The below choices assume there is sexual or romantic attraction:
A Full on intercourse with someone other than your partner
B. Kissing/hugging someone other than your partner
C. Hanging out/going out somewhere with someone other than your partner
D. Fantasizing/thinking sexually about someone other than your partner (on a regular basis)
I'm just kind of curious what how different people view this, basically where does a person draw the line.
If someone has constant sexual fantasies about someone else than the beloved...i guess it's safe to say that a full on intercourse aka cheating is going to happen when the opportunity arrives.
When it's secretive. I don't mind my partner watching porn, or even having a magazine with women in it. That's fine. it's fantasy, and something nice to look at. Finding others physically attractive is normal, unless you're blind.
A, B, and D I consider betrayal. With D, if they are living in fantasy, seems to point they have issues with reality, so if they are constantly thinking about other women, seems to show they are losing interest with me, and cheating is coming.
C is fine if it's platonic with neither party having sexual or romantic interest. The second one party has either of those feelings, it becomes less innocent, and more a problem.
Long answer, so tagged
Spoiler
However, if my SO has romantic or sexual feelings for a woman, and he's hanging out with her behind my back, or making excuses, lying, etc, he's cheating. Sex or not. If it was a simple platonic friendship, he'd have no reason to hide her, or lie. Only reason someone hides something is if they are doing something they know isn't right, or that they should be ashamed of. Unless it's plans for a surprise party.
So, the fact he's hiding, or deceiving to be with this other woman shows the relationship is no longer platonic, if it ever was. A relationship is about more than sex. So, if he's with me, but has started getting extra chummy, and developing feelings for another woman, he's already cheated because he's entered a relationship with her while he was with me. The sex hasn't happened yet, but chances are, it's coming. They already are an item that is more than friendship.
Physical is a definite way to cheat. But not the only way imo. Same with a strip club. That's too close to a naked woman for my liking, with him pawing at her, rubbing her, or having her grinding on his package. That's all sexual, and he's sharing the activity with another woman.
With porn or mags, it's just a visual thing, fantasy, kind of like fancying a celeb. It's totally one-sided fanboyism, or fangirlism, a solo activity, that is fine long as it doesn't take priority over me and our relationship. But when another person he can actually communicate with, and touch, it becomes cheating imo.
Like a guy who says his girlfriend caught him on a sexcam pleasing himself with another woman. She called him a cheater, and I agree, same with sex chats with people other than your SO.
So, media-tv/porn, or books, fine. I could understand that. But other people he can actually share with, is a stopping point.
Cheating is breaking whatever agreements you and your partner have made.
Not making agreements, and relying on the assumption that you will both have exactly the same defaults, is unwise.
For me personally:
Quote:
A Full on intercourse with someone other than your partner
No problem if it's within the agreements in an open/poly relationship. Big problem if it involves lying or breaking agreements.
Small problem in mono relationship if it does not involve lying (i.e. you tell me right after), used protection, don't plan to continue having sex with them, not in love with them, etc.
Quote:
B. Kissing/hugging someone other than your partner
Hugging is normal social interaction in my culture, including between business contacts. It's like a handshake, but friendlier.
Kissing, same as intercourse. (Note: In some cultures, e.g. France, kissing is like a friendly handshake.)
Quote:
C. Hanging out/going out somewhere with someone other than your partner
Normal. If my partner doesn't have friends of my gender, that is a problem. Friends are important.
Quote:
D. Fantasizing/thinking sexually about someone other than your partner (on a regular basis)
Not cheating, but not a relationship I want to be in.
*Deception* is the key word for me - any personal sexual activity with another 'behind my back'. I am saying it that way because some have open relationships, etc. No deception so no cheating.
Your "D" option implies you think porn is cheating. I disagree. That and whether he uses porn or not I am not policing another's thoughts during masturbation or with any activity. I also don't necessarily want him to only think of me. If he needs a pretend sexual vaca and it keeps him happier and a better SO, I am all for it.
To me if you're hiding things, hanging around with someone behind your SOs back, kissing/hugging, getting emotionally attached. All that is cheating to me.
To me if you're hiding things, hanging around with someone behind your SOs back, kissing/hugging, getting emotionally attached. All that is cheating to me.
Anything people normally do together alone with their clothes off. Flirting, kissing, thinking, hanging out, etc. don't threaten how i feel or the core of our relationship.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
