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That's still significantly better than most guys. 3/8 is 37.5%. If you did it 20 times, you'd probably be successful on 7-8 of them assuming the rate stays the same. A guy who does it 20 times probably only gets a message back on 1-2.
Just to throw my own random numbers out there, for anyone who may be curious: as a guy on OKC I get a response of some kind about 50% of the time, might amount to a real conversation might not, doesn't really matter. Probably about 1/10 we end up exchanging numbers and about 2/3 of those we end up with a meet up/date.
That being said, I probably receive 1 unsolicited message for every 5 I send out, so the numbers are definitely skewed there.
Well it's very simple. A lot of people who fail or have had problems with "normal" dating see OLD as kind off a savior. So when that doesn't work out they look at it like... "Where do I go from here"
The response rate for guys in my experience is close to 5%, or 1 in 20 messages. Online dating is only a tool to meet new people. By the 2nd or 3rd message you should try and get a phone number to text or call to set up an offline meeting. There is no point in passing messages back and forth online.
I've gotten probably 6-7 dates in the past 3 months from Match.com. Now I'm in a relationship with one of them and honestly speaking, I think it was worth the effort. I really like her and feel we're very compatible with each other.
I'll tell someone that it's rude to cancel plans at the last minute, especially if it's for seemingly trivial reasons. I have a professional job with a lot of obligations and I volunteer and do other activities, and I'm social with other people, friends.
So if I scheduled a date, it means I cleared that night just for you and if you cancel on me within 3 hours after flaking out the last time as well, I'm going to be annoyed and will probably text expressing some sort of frustration like "oh, I cancelled [activity X] to arrange this" or "now I have two tickets and no time to find someone else, please try to give more advance warning in the future" - meant as advice for her relations with other guys, because I won't contact her again.
But in your case it sounds like the guy has an anger problem.
It's because you "rejected" him without even having met in person. His ego couldn't handle the idea that his personality was a turn-off before you met.
I think this is a strong possibility.
Also, there seemed to be a connection at some point, and then you backed up.
He's prolly frustrated you two didnt at least meet, and he is probably clueless as to why.
This wont be the first time that will happen to him, and probably not the first. At this point though, i wouldnt do a pity date. It wont work, and he will be more rejected, as he will probably think you are rejecting him for his looks. Therefore, you will have kind of rejected him two times. Ouch.
I met someone online, and our messages were great.. we really seemed to click, and appeared to share a lot of the same values. He seemed like a good and normal guy, so we moved onto texting in order to make plans to get together and meet. We made tentative plans for this weekend, but in the mean time, he was still texting me and I started noticing some red flags. I didn't really like the direction the 'conversation' was heading, and I decided (for a few different reasons) that he wasn't really a good match for me. I didn't want to lead him on until the weekend and then cancel last minute or something, so I told him nicely (still via text, since that was his preferred method of contact) that I was thinking about everything and just didn't feel we would be a good match in the long run, and I didn't want to lead him on by keeping our plans.. but that I wished him the best.
Well, apparently some people can't handle a polite back-out! I get this ginormous long text message back (I seriously had to scroll forever just to read it) essentially telling me I was making 'the biggest mistake of my life', and that he was the 'best guy I would ever find' and yadda yadda... The weird part is, I've encountered this before! Other guys, upon me politely declining to continue pursuing things, start ranting through text or giving me "I'm the best guy you'd ever find" crap. Which first of all, is so not true.. but secondly, proves that I made the right choice in cutting them out! (For the record, this was not me being flaky, this was me canceling in response to some messed up beliefs he holds that came out in our conversation, which included him asking me sexual questions that I declined to answer, and then ranting about how he only wants to date a virgin and he hopes I'm a virgin (yes, really) and a few other things that were just plain weird and implied I should run for the hills).
I get it, rejection sucks, especially if it's from someone you liked... I've gotten it too! But the difference is I don't take it personally, and I just assume that for whatever reason, the person feels we're not a match. I usually thank them for being honest (aka not wasting my time or leading me on), and wish them the best, because I do! I don't understand why people get so bitter over this sort of thing. It usually just reaffirms that they're dating online for a reason, and reflects some personality traits I wouldn't want to involve myself with anyway As of this morning, I actually deleted my profile because I find I keep encountering a lot of really crazy and narcissistic guys online, whereas this doesn't seem to happen to me in person. Hopefully I'll have better luck in the real world, I don't know. Has anyone else encountered people who throw temper tantrums over canceled plans or not wanting to continue things?
You don't know this guy and you don't know what he's gone through. Most women don't seem to understand that the vast majority of men get rejected A LOT. This is not your experience and men generally pursue women (especially online) so women get rejected way less than men. Women also have way more options, in general, so it's easier to move on.
Well, alot of people turn to online dating because they were striking out in real life AND they don't expect to get rejected online. And when they do get rejected online, it's like "I got rejected? How dare they reject me!" To be rejected online is probably the lowest anyone could sink. I have to admit that I never tried online dating so I don't know if my ASSUMPTION is correct but that's what i expect.
No, your assumption is wrong in my opinion.
Only select guys will do well online. So the vast majority of men don't have any other options online. If these guys are not meeting women in person, it could skew their perspective of their own level of attractiveness. They could easily become insecure and bitter.
OP was likely the only girl that was responding to him, while she probably had multiple guys messaging her. So he was more emotionally invested in the interaction. Just the way OLD works.
I get disappointed at any and all rejection. It's part of my character and perhaps even a flaw under certain circumstances. It really bothers me when people don't like me, have a problem with me. I don't like to fail, I hang my head in shame when I do. I'm also a perfectionist and am very particular. When someone is paying me to do something, I want to do the best job I can and give them 120% satisfaction. I don't like to let people down or make them disappointed. Surprising people who have got the shaft or got ripped off or what have you is very rewarding. It may the the most decent thing they have gotten in years. I'll do anything any everything for the right people and right causes. Even up to risking bodily harm or death.
I'll tell someone that it's rude to cancel plans at the last minute, especially if it's for seemingly trivial reasons. I have a professional job with a lot of obligations and I volunteer and do other activities, and I'm social with other people, friends.
So if I scheduled a date, it means I cleared that night just for you and if you cancel on me within 3 hours after flaking out the last time as well, I'm going to be annoyed and will probably text expressing some sort of frustration like "oh, I cancelled [activity X] to arrange this" or "now I have two tickets and no time to find someone else, please try to give more advance warning in the future" - meant as advice for her relations with other guys, because I won't contact her again.
But in your case it sounds like the guy has an anger problem.
That I can totally agree with. The only reason I would cancel something last minute would be a legitimate emergency, or if I became uncomfortable with that person to the point where I felt creeped out or unsafe going. That was kind of (mildly) what happened... just from the things he was saying I had that 'red flag' feeling and just didn't want to meet him at all anymore. I purposely gave him a couple days notice of the cancellation. I'm honestly happy he showed his true colors that early, instead of things progressing to the point where he'd know where I lived etc. His disproportionate reaction to not wanting to meet was proof that my gut feeling about him was right.
Of course another factor is people online say things to you they would likely never say to your face.
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As of this morning, I actually deleted my profile because I find I keep encountering a lot of really crazy and narcissistic guys online, whereas this doesn't seem to happen to me in person. Hopefully I'll have better luck in the real world, I don't know. Has anyone else encountered people who throw temper tantrums over canceled plans or not wanting to continue things?
