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Yeah it's all just happening so fast, it's making me nervous.
If it's happening too fast, slow it down. You are in control, and don't forget that.
If being unsure bothers you, you may want to enlist a professional to talk to. Otherwise take your time and do what makes you happy.
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If you're confused, then I would say explore... because it's not really something that you will ever understand until you actually do it. Thoughts and feelings aren't at all the same thing as being gay-- it's seriously like looking at pictures of Kilimanjaro vs. actually climbing it.
On the other hand, you can also have as many experiences as you want and end up asking yourself 'well, I didn't really think that was so amazing, but maybe I just haven't met the right man/woman?'... and if you rush into it before you're comfortable with it, then you're probably not going to have a good experience at all. If you take a less-than-great experience to mean that you don't like whatever gender, it's just going to mess with your head, or make you think there's more or less to these urges/fantasies/images than you first thought.
I don't think it's so uncommon for most people to have homosexual thoughts and feelings, and having anxieties about those thoughts and feelings, or about sex or your identity, just causes more of them to occur. On top of that, you have the media shoving these images in your face, insisting that you need to find these images sexy/attractive/appealing, and then other people reinforcing that marketing strategy. So yeah, it's a lot to deal with, but most of it is largely meaningless.
Like you, I've never found typical 'hot' women attractive... but sometimes the media influence was so pervasive that I found myself actually ignoring the fact that I found plenty of real life girls/women in my life extremely appealing-- and concluded I must be gay because whatever supermodel didn't give me a boner. It's actually ridiculous to think about, because I was attracted to plenty of girls in high school/university... actually being real to me was for some reason a big part of their appeal. But I couldn't get over the fact I wasn't attracted to the mainstream visions of beauty.
I think it all clicked for me when I experimented with both genders and found very little difference from experience to experience, because it was mostly just sex and it was missing the respect/love/connection component that makes relationships work. I kept trying to feel what I had pictured it feeling like in my mind, but the two never matched up. I would try positions or acts that turned me on a lot when I thought about them, and find they were boring/not at all what did it for me.
Eventually I realized that sex and relationships are a lot more complicated than just feelings, thoughts and urges... and it's not about who you are so much as how connected you feel to a specific person. You can watch porn or drool over movie stars or even ogle the hot girl in class but when you actually get down to it, it's never what you imagined.
So yes, you don't need to trap yourself in a certain identity just because you feel a certain way at a certain time in your life. You don't need to behave a certain way because you think it's what gay/straight people are like. You don't have to be attracted to some abstract sense of 'woman' or 'man' without an actual person attached to the concept. You don't have to act out some specific sexual act that you imagine will give you mind-blowing orgasms. It's not about uncovering who you are and will always be.
You're a living, changing, growing human being and you're going to feel different things throughout your entire life... take the high road, be patient, and look for people you can trust, respect and love and you'll always feel good about yourself.
Last edited by Spatula City; 08-28-2014 at 01:51 PM..
That makes no sense. I knew I wanted to do women when I was 12. Gay and straight people both just want what they want instinctually and dont have to intellectualize it like you. You have some bizarre issues going on and need therapy.
That makes no sense. I knew I wanted to do women when I was 12. Gay and straight people both just want what they want instinctually and dont have to intellectualize it like you. You have some bizarre issues going on and need therapy.
IMO sounds like a gay friend is coaxing or trying to push/force/trick them into thinking they are someone else. If so, shame on them....I bet "they" knew they were gay when they were 12-15.
Often times I think people with a lack of relationship success fall victim to such malicious brainwashing and confusion. A 100% confirmed and creditable gay person pushes them over the fence so to speak. That's wrong as they lack the inner strength to thwart it off and end the identify confusion. They may figure it all out later, hopefully not too late if you are a woman. Your child bearing years are numbered.
Channing Tatum is not attractive. So don't let that be a reason. I never thought all those so called attractive guys were attractive. Now I'm married and still there are few and far attractive men... It's the emotional connection though that makes me appreciate our relationship.
Is it bad that I'm still unsure of my sexual orientation? It seems like most people have it figured out by middle school or high school, but I'm a 19 year old female starting college this week, and I'm really starting to think about girls a lot, like as in dating them or being in a relationship with them.
I never really dated before, because I used to be really shy and insecure. I'm past that now and have a lot of self confidence. The couple people I have dated were guys, but neither lasted long, and nothing happened. Seriously most of the "relationship" consisted of texting.
I have realized most guys considered "attractive" I really don't see them as attractive. Guys like Channing Tatum, etc aren't really cute to me. I seem to notice cute girls more than I notice cute guys.
There is this girl I went to high school with who I keep thinking about. Thinking about what it'd be like to be in a relationship with her. We are friends, not super close, but she's my friend on facebook. She is gay/bi, but has a girlfriend.
I've just really been questioning myself lately... asking myself who I want to date.. guys or girls. I don't know guys. What should I do?
i think the first thing you need to do is relax, and concentrate on your schooling, and let your hormones calm down for a couple of years. things will look different at 21 than they do right now. if you hit 21, and you are still more attracted to women than men, then dont be afraid to date a woman and see how things go.
That makes no sense. I knew I wanted to do women when I was 12. Gay and straight people both just want what they want instinctually and dont have to intellectualize it like you. You have some bizarre issues going on and need therapy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by G2D2
IMO sounds like a gay friend is coaxing or trying to push/force/trick them into thinking they are someone else. If so, shame on them....I bet "they" knew they were gay when they were 12-15.
Often times I think people with a lack of relationship success fall victim to such malicious brainwashing and confusion. A 100% confirmed and creditable gay person pushes them over the fence so to speak. That's wrong as they lack the inner strength to thwart it off and end the identify confusion. They may figure it all out later, hopefully not too late if you are a woman. Your child bearing years are numbered.
You two should be ashamed of yourselves, parroting this hate speech.
You two should be ashamed of yourselves, parroting this hate speech.
I didn't mean it that way. What I meant is no one should be coaxing someone. Taking advantage of the confused or weak. I'd say the exact same thing to someone who hustles a little kid or the elderly. Yeah, cool...you tricked that little 4 year old girl to sell you the table saw at the garage sale for $5 when it should have been $50 because she can't read. The same for door to door salesman and the elderly.
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What should I do?
