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Love.
Communicate. Something bothers you talk to your SO about it. They aren't mind readers.
Trust your SO
Make ALL financial and family decisions together
Treat your SO like your SO not a servant.
Forgive. Nobody's perfect
Compromise. You're not always right
Probably plenty others. Coming up on 21 years. She will probably trade me in for a newer model
Love is not something you say. Love is something you demonstrate. At its heart, all relationships need three qualities to be healthy: Mutual chemistry, mutual values, and mutual goals. Two out of three won't cut it.
Marriage is, above all things, a partnership: Romantically, practically, and financially. And both members have to contribute on more or less equal terms and be equally unselfish, for the surest way to guarantee friction is for one person to feel it's a one-sided relationship. So while you need to put needs of the person you married before your own, you should also ensure the relationship's needs are more important than each of your own.
Another important concept is to stop thinking of a relationship as a noun. Instead, think of it as a verb, a state of being. This is important to remember because, just as you cannot step into a river twice, you cannot have the same relationship five minutes from now that you're having at this moment. A relationship is really constant change as opposed to a steady state, which is why you never, ever take your spouse for granted. Many a person has serenely cruised along in life, thinking their marriage was rock solid, only to be quite surprised that it wasn't.
So words such as fix or repair to describe remedies for issues that inevitably arise are inadequate. Those kinds of words imply a finite job, something that rides on a to-do list, rather than an ongoing process. So when problems arise, use nice gerunds such as mending or reconciling or rebuilding, for they imply an ongoing effort that stretches out over time. Metaphors matter here. You are not repairing a car, but building something that will outlive either of you.
With that in mind, it is more important to be considerate of your spouse over time, not less. The second you stop using basic courtesies with your spouse, that's when the marriage begins to rot. Sure, it's not always going to be fun. And you will absolutely disagree from time to time. If you expect smooth sailing, you're in for disappointment. If however, your intent on building a life together, it will be the most satisfying achievement you can imagine. So consideration is a paramount requirement for trust, the foundation of any strong marriage.
Have shared interests and friends. At the same time, have separate interests and friends, too. Just because you get married doesn't mean you give up your identity completely.
When you get married, you'll be surprised how many people will try to separate you from your spouse in ways big and small. Your parents, your friends, and a host of others will all want to keep things The Way Things Were. So no one, and I mean no one, comes between you and your spouse. Your mother, your father, your best friend, or your children. And make sure your spouse feels the same way.
So how do you keep your spouse from doing it to you? First, don't be some pathetic dolt who sits in front of the television every night. Television kills more marriages than adultery. Instead, keep growing as a person. Read interesting books and do interesting things. Grow your brain because that's what's going to make you attractive when the boobs sag or the hairline recedes. Many a person has been hot stuff in his or her twenties or thirties, only to be a marginalized cypher in his or her forties or fifties.
Your spouse is the center of your life, not your children, not your job, not your hobbies. If you have children, you will love them beyond all words. But always remember that children are guests in your life together. If you do your job as a parent, they are guests who will one day pack the car and drive away to college or to their own apartment. I know far too many couples who became so involved in raising their kids that, upon becoming empty nesters, found their spouses had become strangers. If you're working long hours for years at a time, then you are doing something terrible to yourself and your family.
Talk to your spouse every damned day. It doesn't have to be deep and meaningful all the time, but it needs to be what's on your mind. Make sure your spouse is your favorite conversation partner. MrsCPG claims that a day hasn't passed in our marriage where I haven't made her laugh at least once. Hone your diplomatic skills so that when you inevitably have a conflict, you're able to resolve it without shouting. There's an enormous degree of difference between disagreeing and arguing. Couples disagree all the time. But people who argue more than once or twice over the course of a relationship are not fully formed adults.
Finally, sex isn't the sine qua non of existence (Although it certainly feels that way when you do it right). But it matters a great deal. Keep it fresh and interesting for yourself and your partner in life.
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