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The conversation is not of an intimate nature. We talk about politics, work, societal issues etc. etc. there is absolutely no romantic talk at all. If this is a relationship it would've been the worst relationship ever LOL! No physical contact, no romantic exchange, no talk about a future together, no nothing - what kind of relationship is this? How can anyone assume something like this is a "relationship"? I don't get it.
By intimate, I did not mean romantic. If I meant romantic, I would have said romantic. Definition of intimate:
adjective
1. closely acquainted; familiar, close.
2. private and personal.
3. (of knowledge) detailed; thorough.
noun
noun: intimate; plural noun: intimates
1. a very close friend.
What I'm saying is that when you when you grow close to a friend like this, it is easy for romantic emotions to develop on one side but not the other. And refusing to talk about it and understand where the other side stands emotionally and making excuses for why you won't talk about it is a cop out. She's not psychic, she doesn't know how you feel. That doesn't mean she thinks you're in a relationship. There's a difference.
Are you really that big of a wuss that you can't just be honest with her and instead you will evade her questions and lead her on? Are you getting an ego boost out of this or something and don't want it to stop? She's not psychic, you can't expect her to know where you stand regarding your feelings towards her if you don't TELL her.
I would still like to stay friends, telling someone you don't want a relationship with them...well, some take it to be a slap in the face. I'm not doing it for an ego boost...I was deciding on how I feel about this myself, it's just been less than 3 months not 3 years! I was thinking something more subtle, blaming distance etc.
Nila's response may be great in theory and considered upfront and honest but trust me most people don't take that kind of honest rejection kindly! Just does not work in the real world sorry to say.
People who like you for a possible relationship don't want to be platonic friends. You met on a looking for marriage dating site. I seriously doubt if she is looking for a platonic male friend. She probably feels that if you were on the same site, you are not looking for platonic friends either. Let her know so that she can move on.
For example, you could tell her, 'I really like our friendship, but part of me feels guilty because I worry that maybe you want more and I am leading you on.'
Then she will tell you if it's a problem or not.
Good friends are a treasure! Don't distance yourself just because you are worried over something that may be no problem.
Yeah, you should be clear with her, because you met her on a marriage-oriented website. So if you're feeling like anything remotely like marriage isn't in the cards, you should be clear about that.
You met her on a "marriage oriented website." So it's safe to guess that she's not looking for a friend, but a romantic relationship that will lead to marriage.
She is spending a lot of time talking to you because she likes you, and is hinting at the possibility of finding a soulmate in you. She is trying to open up the discussion to the subject of any possibility of a relationship between you. It sound like she wants more from you.
I'm not sure why you think it's obvious to her that you could not be her potential soulmate. If the two of you get on so well over the phone, maybe she sees potential and wants to investigate that.
However, since you are certain you are not attracted to her romantically, you are wasting her time. Let her know you are not interested because of the distance, or give her a reason that will not hurt her feelings. Stop leading her on.
THIS is exactly right.
By spending your time with her on the phone, she thinks you are interested. The subject matter if your conversations makes no difference.
I've had a couple guys spend loads of time with me and of course (!!!!) I thought they were interested. Come to find out, I was filling their lonely times until they found a new woman - very much like YOU are doing after being split up for just a few months from your SO.
I've had a couple guys spend loads of time with me and of course (!!!!) I thought they were interested.
Then why did YOU not be upfront and ask the man if you are in a relationship? My ex after a month confirmed with me whether we were a couple, to which I said yes so she got her answer right there...
Why put the blame only on 1 person? Why not be accountable yourself to the fact that you were not direct? Perhaps you did not want to scare the other person off?
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I don't get it.
