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View Poll Results: what would you do?
tell her 8 34.78%
don't tell her 15 65.22%
Voters: 23. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 08-27-2014, 03:25 PM
 
1,059 posts, read 1,204,357 times
Reputation: 993

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I guess I'm going to get bashed for this since I already have my mind made up:


I have a very good "couple friend" that I really am fond of. And what I mean a "couple friend" is that I'm pretty good friends with the man and the woman. I've known my buddy for over ten years so we have that sacred bond. However, about three years ago, he introduced me to his girl, and ever since, I came to admire and respect her. And later on in life, we became friends, too.

Well one day, he decided to have a threesome with TWO OTHER FEMALES. I asked him why did he cheat and he responded, "she doesn't care. As long as I wear a rubber?" So I never questioned it and minded my own business. Then last night, he tells me that he is thinking about breaking up with her. According to him, his girlfriend started caring about his affairs and even went through his phone and lap top-and she was mad. But the main reason why he wants to break up with her is because, "she likes to argue." My concern is that he told me that if he didn't break it off with her, then he would get some side pieces. (meaning he'll have other sexual partners)


Even though I love my buddy, he does not treat his women well. And I am afraid that he's going to string her along and have "Emtpy feelings" for her OR just flat-out cheat on her with multiple women and not even tell her. I have a conflicting dilemma here: Do I tell her what my buddy told me OR just keep a blind eye and ear? I chose the latter because I don't want to get mixed into this drama and possibly lose my buddy. However, if she does get hurt, that blood would be on my hands. And also, if a girl was cheating on me, I would EXPECT a mutual friend to tell me about my woman's affairs; thus, I am acting in hypocrisy. So in essence, by turning the blind eye, I'm avoiding drama but I may lose the girl as a friend and I am also being a hypocrite. However, if I am proactive in my actions and tell her what I know, I am "preventing" such heartache, but lose my buddy in the process as well as sticking my nose in someone else's business. What if he just felt like this for a day or two, and changes his mind?
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Old 08-27-2014, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,266,880 times
Reputation: 30255
You're not responsible for his actions.

Steer clear from the drama.
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Old 08-27-2014, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Denver
898 posts, read 935,519 times
Reputation: 865
I think you should let them sort things out. It's not your relationship, therefore there's no use for you to get caught up in the drama.

You could probably tell your buddy how you feel about it if he asks. But other than that, I'd stay away. You met his GF well after you met him, so I'm not sure that "friendship" is really the same as the one between you and your buddy. That's why I'd personally not bring it up to her.
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Old 08-27-2014, 03:32 PM
 
1,059 posts, read 1,204,357 times
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The reason why I have this poll up because majority of my friends in real life suggested that I tell her. But to be fair, i only asked 4 people IRL.
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Old 08-27-2014, 03:35 PM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,969,498 times
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Well, if he is such a close friend, can you talk to him about what is is bothering you? Can you tell him that the way he treats women puts you in a difficult ethical position?
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Old 08-27-2014, 03:36 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,418,587 times
Reputation: 9547
It's not your relationship to become involved in. Stay out of it.

If you feel someone isn't treating another right you don't HAVE TO associate with them.
Your lack of desire to be around the male should send more than enough signals to everyone.

Be careful of who you associate with and consider "good" company. These are the type of situations and drama you'll allow yourself to be wrapped up in if you ignore the obvious
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Old 08-27-2014, 03:37 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,703 posts, read 19,851,784 times
Reputation: 42990
Since she already knows about his other women, I would stay out of it.

It would be a different story if she would have no clue.
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Old 08-27-2014, 03:39 PM
 
1,059 posts, read 1,204,357 times
Reputation: 993
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
Well, if he is such a close friend, can you talk to him about what is is bothering you? Can you tell him that the way he treats women puts you in a difficult ethical position?
Yea, I told him that telling me about his intentions was the worst idea since I was friends with him and the girl. But he's going to do what he's going to do. No one is going to change him.
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Old 08-27-2014, 03:41 PM
 
Location: Houston, Tx
8,227 posts, read 11,113,754 times
Reputation: 8198
Sounds like you're plotting on your "friend" women, or a playa hater. If he was truly your friend, you would mind your business.
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Old 08-27-2014, 03:43 PM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,299,935 times
Reputation: 43047
I don't get why you'd remain friends with someone who treated other people so poorly. I'm not saying you need to break off your friendship with anyone who cheats on their partner. But this isn't NORMAL cheating - meaning an unintended affair driven by real feelings or a drunken slip up on a business trip. It's deliberate, calculated and planned, with very little emotion involved. He is planning to deceive his partner and essentially make a fool of her. That's not someone you can trust to have your back as a friend. And apparently he has been doing this all along with his "women."

I fully believe anyone is capable of cheating and that it's just generally a crappy thing to do. But it's also kind of just something that can happen. Sometimes good people cheat, and sometimes really awful people cheat. Your friend sounds like the latter. He's showing you exactly what kind of person he is. Don't think you're special - if you're in the way of something he wants, you'll be collateral damage too.

Frankly, I'd steer clear of them both - she sounds like she bought into a really dysfunctional situation with her eyes open. But in particular, I'd steer clear of him.

I don't like people who don't treat others well, and I've got a lot of really good people in my life. They don't do things like this. Why are your standards of character so low for your friends?
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