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Unread 01-13-2008, 06:50 PM
 
Location: Plano, TX
223 posts, read 503,547 times
Reputation: 153
Here I am!! I've been lurking, and keeping you in my thoughts, but haven't said too much...been rather busy..we are in the process of buying a house and it takes up quite a bit of my time...in addition the regular day to day running of the kids!

Thanks for checking!
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Unread 01-13-2008, 06:57 PM
 
Location: Back in NYS
2,489 posts, read 5,071,475 times
Reputation: 2040
Quote:
Originally Posted by taylor400 View Post
Here I am!! I've been lurking, and keeping you in my thoughts, but haven't said too much...been rather busy..we are in the process of buying a house and it takes up quite a bit of my time...in addition the regular day to day running of the kids!

Thanks for checking!
Congratulations on buying a house! We bought ours last year around this time and I remember the chaos well!
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Unread 01-13-2008, 08:09 PM
sun
 
Location: Central Connecticut
683 posts, read 1,411,661 times
Reputation: 435
Despite his faults, at least X2B has a good work record and honestly tries to make the support payments. What worries me (and most of us I'll wager) is what would happen if the support payments fell through for very long if there was an unintended interuption. The same goes for cinderobyn's job situation if there an extended illness of some kind.
Things are always prone to happen to people's health, job and income earning capacity. Even work related injuries take a long time to get compensated for. We have a divorced friend who was owed thousands of $ in back support before there was legal action and an arrest. Here it is several years after their divorce and he's living back in the house after going through detox programs and is healthy and working again. They have kids of a similiar age too. Of course that's very unusual, but they're still trying to create a working family structure, and they have regained some affection for each other.
I'm not insinuating anything here in your case cinderobyn because there must be remnants of hope which I know there just isn't in your case. But some people do continue to try to make a go of it even after there has been a divorce, and there was real medical problems in this case too, addiction to painkillers from injury and stealing family assets for pills on the street (Oxycontin or something). Then working under the table to avoid support payments, while the mother was stuck with all of the bills & working in a medical office and taking college courses too (unintended coincidence only! ).
Every situation is different but there always commonalities among married relationships.
If cinderobyn (or X2B) suddenly became gravely ill, I think that there would still be a type of bond where the former spouse might consider going above and beyond that of a stranger to help the other out in any way allowed or possible.
Where there is currently dislike, animousity and some hostility, there's will always the common family dignity & respect that is shared by each party with children together. I've never been divorced so I'm sure that my perspective isn't skewed, but I don't think that either one of you actually hates each other. You guys just aren't too fond of each other anymore!!!!
Good luck with the hearing and I hope that you're able to voice as many of your grievances as possible to the court. The divorce still has a long way to go and there's still going to be plenty of opportunity to argue fault throughout the marriage. Hopefully it will never come down to arguing that but rather all the details will end up being glossed over on paper by fine print and a few signatures, the 2 former married partner's and the judge's. The kids well being is always what is the most important in the end, but of course you already knew that. You're marriage could have been worse, and I really mean a lot worse!

Last edited by sun; 01-13-2008 at 08:22 PM..
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Unread 01-13-2008, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Northern CA Mtns.
10,877 posts, read 4,229,650 times
Reputation: 8054
Smile Dear Friend Robyn...

...I'm thinking of you very often, and with best wishes and many prayers for tomorrow; assuming that the court session goes forward. Hoping so much that things are not delayed again, though there is that possibility.

I Love the Bears said it so well: loved her post and she's absolutely correct. "Spot on" as my friend in the UK always says....



(Hasn't Rockky been havin' lots of company? I think I remember that, so it may be she's reading along, but doesn't have time to post.....)
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Unread 01-14-2008, 01:53 AM
 
16,209 posts, read 14,603,417 times
Reputation: 15821
Well, my L woke me a little bit ago, bad stomach ache she says. I didn't wake up at first, she said she kept calling my name.

I felt something moving my knee around, then I woke up.

Says her stomache hurts, just like on Friday.

Now, I have not spoken out loud of court. Unless she heard it over there. I did on the phone, actually, she may have heard that, I dont know.

The pain she shows me is just below the chest, in the middle. The upper stomache.

Sun....I always pray that neither of us loses our job or becomes ill. He would never ever help me, even when it comes down to the kids. He told me to never call him if I needed help with anything in the house, outside, my vehicle, nothing.

But you know what? He pays me biweekly, not all in one lump mo sum, and a couple weeks ago, I asked him if he could give the second payment a few days early, and this was for something very important, and he looked at me with such arrogance and said no, I will keep paying you the way I have been.

So, this was something very impt, and I know he had the money, so he opted to neglect the kids. I don't care about me, or what he thinks or does for me..... but the kids.

Back a good while ago, I have supported him emotionally, several times, actually. Don't even ask why. I suppose it is not in my heart to be mean and hateful, or spiteful.

I will tell you this right now. He has family that can help him, and they do. He lives with them right now without paying a red cent. He does not need my help.

I have no one around me. All of my family is at the very least, four hours away.

He is not my family anymore, his family is not my family. Even though his BIL hugged me on Christmas Eve when we met for me to pick up the kids.

He hugged me and told me everything would be ok, he said you still have my cell phone number, don't you?

I know he has it in his heart, that he would help me, but then I also know he could not go against ibs sister.

He wan'ts to be neutral, but I think that probably, he cannot. Most likely he would be there to talk, and that is it.

He was the only one that was helpful that July night.

So no, Sun. He would not help me. For that matter, he would not help his children. That, my friends, is wretched.

I laugh a small little laugh.

For all the thing he did to me over the years. All of the hurt and pain. The emotional abuse, just everything. Nothing could even top it, any of it, until the day he would not help his children. For then, more colors came out of him.

Oh I knew he was capable of all the other things towards me and the kids, because he has done it, and I have seen it and exp it first hand.

But for him not to help his own children. Evil. Wretched. I hated even saying anything to him, but I did. And I don't wish I didn't either. It is early yet, and his very true colors flow. He is just like her. Just like her. Evil spews from his veins.

I am the lucky one. Kindness, compassion, etc... it is what cmes forth from mine. in life, it will take me much further, and I will be able to feel good about my actions in it.

One day though, he will somehow have to answer for his actions.

We were never married. Never. His mother, always the first woman in his life, admittedly he said to me..... she will always come before you. And she always did.

When person gets married to someone, they are to become one. They are to leave their family, and start anew with this other person, becoming as one.

This never happened. He did not follow the Lords word. Ever. I was alone for many years in that life. Now, I am free from it. That life is gone, although it hovers, because he will always be there, for he is the father of my children.

We were never as one. Never married but on paper. It hung on the wall, and that is it.

Do I regret that? No, because I did not have those actions. Do I regret not leaving long long ago, sometimes, but I just was not ready. I just wasn't strong enough.

I have not heard my baby girl in a while, so in a few, back off to sleep for me.

....................robyn
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Unread 01-14-2008, 02:00 AM
 
16,209 posts, read 14,603,417 times
Reputation: 15821
Quote:
Originally Posted by taylor400 View Post
Here I am!! I've been lurking, and keeping you in my thoughts, but haven't said too much...been rather busy..we are in the process of buying a house and it takes up quite a bit of my time...in addition the regular day to day running of the kids!

Thanks for checking!
Thanks for checking in Taylor!!! And a great big congrats on your buying a new house!!!!

One decade, I just may do that very same thing...lmao...

at least I can laugh about something in the middle of the night!!!! hehee
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Unread 01-14-2008, 02:10 AM
 
16,209 posts, read 14,603,417 times
Reputation: 15821
Quote:
Originally Posted by Macrina View Post
...I'm thinking of you very often, and with best wishes and many prayers for tomorrow; assuming that the court session goes forward. Hoping so much that things are not delayed again, though there is that possibility.

I Love the Bears said it so well: loved her post and she's absolutely correct. "Spot on" as my friend in the UK always says....



(Hasn't Rockky been havin' lots of company? I think I remember that, so it may be she's reading along, but doesn't have time to post.....)
Thank you Macrina! You know, even though the courts told me that each person could only put off a case one time, I guess lawyers just have more power than that. Every single case has been put off by them, and one of the cases tomorrow has ben put off twice.

I hope it all goes well and nothing gets put off... really, I just want to move foward. It seems like when they do this, I am in a sort of a limbo. It is a pain.

The paperwork I have to bring tomorrow that was on the back of the subpeona tells of all of the things we have to bring in re to the support case.

I wonder if he will 'remember' to bring his.... I will remember to bring our taxes..... you're darn skippy! Judge can compute his per hour, if he does not lie about it, and add it up, taking things out, medical etc, and it will come up alot more than what he is saying. On the taxes, and they don't lie.

Right now, his lawyer thinks that we make the exact same amount of money, hence the thought that he is paying me too much.

She has seen my bank statements, my checkbook register, and my paystubs.

Does she ask the same from him? I don't know. I do know this, his work can fax that crap right on over. I know mine could.

He is a liar telling his lawyer we make the exact same amt. A liar. He gave her the amt in a whole dollar amt, to the thousands rounding it out, with us making the same amount. Crazy a$$.

And she just believes him.... I guess that is what he is paying the big bucks for.

His nice expensive lawyer he got and had to take out a 5k loan to afford her.

Oh well. I am going back to bed now, I have one hour left of sleep, and not a peep yet from L.

Good morning.

Last edited by Pikantari; 01-14-2008 at 03:44 AM..
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Unread 01-14-2008, 03:17 AM
 
16,209 posts, read 14,603,417 times
Reputation: 15821
I am back up now, not a peep, not a sound. I do not think I can send her to school like this...

If I am in court there is no way that I will know if they call. My cell will be off, I will have to put it on vibrate....

I can't. It is a camera phone and they take it from me downstairs when I walk through the doors.....

He will have everyone with him, I may have to call him this morning and have one of them bring her home with them, even if she is feeling better....

I don't know. I can't send her to school with the possibility she may start feeling badly and they cannot reach me...
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Unread 01-14-2008, 03:55 AM
 
16,209 posts, read 14,603,417 times
Reputation: 15821
Well... the coffee is good today. very very good.

My A is awake, sort of... LOL, trying to be anyway. L has not heard my calls, and I think I am going to let her sleep and go on with calling him this morning and having one of them take her home with them, if they will do it.

Can't miss court. Can't send her to school. I don't know. Some people would. Maybe I would, because she has not complained. Just the factor that school cannot reach me, and I don't know for how long I will be in court.

I would be an awful parent to send my child to school with a stomach ache, knowing the school would be unable to reach me, and they do not call him for anything. Not ever have they called him, even when we were together.

Always me. The only time he would recieve a call would be when we all lived at shackles and he would answer the home phone, even then, he would call me. ugh.

Crazy. But alas... no longer. GREAT BIG SMILES TO THAT... Everyone raise your cups please!!!!



Yep, this day is not gonna get me down... nope! If something gets continued I will be mad. But I will not let it get me down. Anger goes away, but happiness, I am gonna hold onto that!

Anger eats away at your soul, your very being. I know this first hand, from exp w my sister after my mom passed away.

The anger was eating me alive, the hatrid, doing the same.

It is bad for you, you cannot hold onto that. You just have to let it go.

Now, happiness... it makes your heart and soul sing..... it makes you alive. It is what I have, this very moment, as I hear my son opening his bedroom door. He is dressed now. My daughter is in bed, I am not waking her. Not yet. Work? I don't know.. We will have to see.

Happiness..... I think everyone should give it a spin!!!!! whooohoooo!!!! and YAY!



robyn
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Unread 01-14-2008, 04:05 AM
MsV
 
2,604 posts, read 740,991 times
Reputation: 845
For the life of me, I can't understand why they didn't offer Lindsey a bed. The MIL and X2B sensibly alternate sharing a bed. In this case the BIL's son was gone, and Alexander always gets the bed while Lindsey suffers on the floor? That's too bad that Alexander didn't try to volunteer his bed for once when he had the chance or go for the couch.
IMO, this is really a harbinger of long term problems where ever X2B ends up living. Right now, the host family and the MIL create a more stable family environment for the kids when they are visiting. With them out of the picture at X2B's future residence, the kids will be subject to who knows what living conditions.
How him as a bachalor would maintain a house while working full time, and then to bring in the kids doesn't present a rosey, optimistic picture of a wholesome family atmosphere anywhere near the comfort at the House of Chimes. I know that Dennis58 thinks things will improve, but I would continuously worry about the kids and how Lindsey may not be receiving equal treatment (as usual).
Time will tell.
It just may be better if X2B did move out of state and avoided his visitation. That's quite a sad thought and isn't based on his lack of love for the kids, but rather on their physical needs to have a happy and healthy atmosphere to visit.
Unfortunately, biological parents have an almost unlimited right to have their kids visit with them overnight even if it's more physically uncomfortable.
Maybe if X2B eventually met someone and started a new relationship, his new significant other would create more of a home atmosphere for the kids to visit. But the chances of that happening soon enough to have an immediate impact on the kid's visitation is unlikely.
Maybe he will end up having his mother live with him part time where ever he ends up living next?
Maybe his current living arrangement does have a negative impact on X2B's emotional health and dampers his enthusiasm for his regular visitation?
About the face washing...I've had to teach and re-teach my kids better washing techniques as they were growing and if I've felt that they weren't doing an adequate job at it. Nothing is wrong with teaching and supervising that's it's being done properly. But dad shouldn't get upset if a new washing technique isn't learned overnight, especially if it's coming from the MIL without some coordinating and agreement with dad or cinderobyn that it could be done better.

I agree with Sun's post 100%! I'm wondering if ib is irritated by L's diagnosis, and he sees her as damaged in some way, too high-maintenance for him, not easily bullied for him? I feel for L, bec she is smart enough to perceive the inequities...I think if A suggested her taking his bed, ib would get on A about doing as he's told and still make L sleep on the floor. But, here's the thing...The kids still sleep on mattresses in your house, without bed frames...I wouldn't want him to know that, and to suggest that it is the same thing at his house. Again, I agree wholeheartedly with Sun's post, above. I think even when ib has his own place, with/without MIL, it will be an abusive environment for the kids to live in. He'll have them taking care of him, instead of the other way around. I hate to say it, but he needs to move on down south asap...
Relax Robyn, you are a gift to those children, and the judge will see that. Stand tall and have faith that God will be right next to you as you present your case. Will be waiting to hear how well you've done. xo MsV
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