My time has come, Better Days! (personalities, dump, Spanish, never)

[Pikantari]

Originally Posted by zonababe

Here's what happened. TJ's mom takes men to the cleaners for a living, so of course she thought Robyn would do the same thing. So his mom scared the life out of him and he ran out an paid for a lawyer. The funny part is, TJ really doesn't have any assets to protect. In the end, he'll still pay the same amount of child support required by the state plus his lawyers fees. Only prop Robyn was missing was a laser pointer to point at IB!

OMG... I am laughing....

You know...He and I used to talk all the time about how she is... lol

crazy butts!

[Pikantari]

I would love to answer every single post... but there are so many!

Last night I thought of this post of mine from a long time ago, take a click, it is from may of last year.

Dh had an Epiphany yesterday

Well, of course I was wrong, he never saw anything, LOL maybe I had just hoped he had, or would, and then after that, when he didn't..

Then I saw. Just a bit after that, maybe a week or two, I got my message. So then, the journey began.

no, he never thought things would come to this. He told me himself, he thought I would have to go crawling back to him. NEVER!

He used to threaten me. Never again.

He used to say things like if you don't do things this way, I will take the kids. ETC.

Now, I was afraid. All I wanted was to get away from him, and have my kids. All of his threats were based upon taking the kids.

I didn't realize yet, that he was only trying to hurt me, any way he could, and he knew exactly how, through the kids. He knew it. He knew I was afraid.

His threat now is... if you try and get spousal, I will contest the divorce. Well. He can't do anything else. So, this game I will play with him.

Right now, he can't say I will take the kids blah blah blah. I have custody. He cant say, as he has, if the kids need child care and you ask the court for more of my money, I will gain custody.. Sorry, I have custody.

If you have an illness that keeps you out of work, I will take the kids... yep, I have custody.

He will contest the divorce. It wont hurt him a bit if he does that... it will just drag me along further in all of this.

So now... his game I will play with him, him not realizing I am playing his game with him.

I will wait. I do not want it contested, and I don't want it stretched on forever.

So..I will wait. I will wait for the signed copy of my divorce papers, and I will walk right around the corner to the intake office, and have a subpeona sent to him for court.

Is that bad? I hope not. Why did you wait? He threatened me with contest. Oh yea, I have it written and dated.



Really I don't even care to have it. I need it. But I don't care... Spousal support. I don't want to be anything spousal with him....yuck.

He is a small man. He is a man with no heart, and no soul. A man who is out in this world for himself.

A greedy man.

I sat there yesterday waiting for our case to be called. I opened up a planner with all of his phone calls and what they were about, when he called the kids, etc.

A thin newspaper fell out.

Domestic Abuse. I picked this up in December at our last court hearing that was moved out to yesterday and put it in there, never to look at again until yesterday.

I sat there reading over all of my folders and folders of paperwork, putting what I felt the most important in one folder, then moving the rest to another, from least important on the bottom, to most, on the top.

Kalo had printed out some things for me a long time ago about domestic abuse/emotional abuse/ things stress can do to a person.

I was reading all of those things and it all fit just like a glove.

His behaviors, my reactions, my health...all in black and white.

As I sat there and read those things, our case was called. I did not go in, I did not even hear my name called. Really... I did not hear HIS name called.

It is not my name anymore. Yes. I will have it until I am divorced, after that, goodbye.

Right now it is hypenated. Only when the sherriff called my name with my maiden name first did I even hear him.

I guess he must have thought I was some snooty witch that would only answer if called properly.

I really did not even hear the first time. I was reading those things in disbelief. I was in disbelief over the leaps and bounds I have come, but even moreso, how obvious my life was, before, and I did not even see it before me.

It is sad, it really is.

The good thing is... I was not sad. I read those things, and I walked into that courtroom, I was fine. They could not even touch me.

None of them. That life is gone now. I have, from that life, my A and L. Also from that life, I now have happiness.

Hurt, pain, all of that is gone. I took the good that was there, and I ran with it. I grew. I changed constantly.

yes, my past is there, and there it will stay. He can have it... he can have it all. He can have the evil he spewed.

You b*tch, you will reap what you sow.

Well, I try my best not to be above mentioned word... think I do a good job. But I have reaped what I have sown.

Those words used to hurt me so bad.. I would go into work and just cry. I would cry and cry from those words.

He also said something along the lines of me having disgraced my Lord. Those words hurt even worse, made me cry.

Now, I know... from him, they are just words.

Don't get me wrong. That phrase we all know of... sticks and stones.... but words will never harm me..

It is not true, words hurt more than sticks and stones. Far more.

But my bucket of hateful words overflowed and emptied this summer.

Now they cannot hurt me. They are gone... all these years of those words, they are gone...



I can hardly remember them anymore, just like I cannot recall the exact thing he said to me anymore. It is in one of my threads.

But it is something he said to me... the things he says to me just do not have power or relevance anymore.

He is a small man. He is a shell of a man. He has no heart and soul, and for the longest time, I did not either, he stole it, and threw it away, far away from me.

It was to the point that I did not know it. I did not know what it should feel like to be loved, I thought I was loved and cared for, but I wasn't. The thing was, I didn't know that I wasn't... I didn't know those things had long been removed.

But now they are back, I have claimed them. They are mine again. Life is just all the more worth it every single day.

Especially when I wake with a smile, after having laid my head down on my pillow the night before, with the same smile.

They are mine again. My heart and soul... they are back. I know where they are right this minute.

[aiangel_writer]

My dear Robyn, take a day or so, then go back and read the above post, look at it with fresh eyes. You are going to be so very amazed at how much clarity you have, and at how far you have come in such a short while.

That post, the above post, has left a profound mark on me. You were able to express your feelings in such a clear and concise manner. That mere few words holds so much emotion, positive emotion, positive energy...It is a message of healing and reclaiming a life which should have been yours for so long, yet there is no anger, no bitterness and no blame game. It is a message of acceptance of who you were during that time, of who you become as you grew strong enough to consider leaving, and of who you have become---the woman that God wanted you to be. Sweet, devoted to family, loving and highly intelligent.

Robyn, this is a wonderful message to those who are where you once were. IT is a message of hope, hope that there is a life out there for them. Hope that things can and will get better. Hope that there is renewal and peace and love.

I am so very proud of you. Your integrity and character are above reproach. Lady, I tip my hat off to you. Remember this ole song, I took liberty with a couple words..Think it is a Barry Manalow song.....Looks Like You Made It..

[Pikantari]

What wonderful people are in my presence....

[Pikantari]

The words... you have crossed our Lord.

Those were the words he screamed at me one night. No I have not.

Well what in the h-ll do you think you have done?

What had I done? The words hurt me so bad, because I knew I had not crossed my Lord, but that he had for so very long.

Forever. He had crossed our Lord, and had done so, by the evil he spilled upon me, all of those years.

But now, nothing but good lies ahead.

Nothing at all...

goodnight everyone!

[future1]

I am so happy for you-the road you have traveled is painful but filled with so much promise of better days. Girl, you have EARNED the right to be happy and enjoy your children. There will still be little bumps in the road but now they will be the normal ones all people face, not the monsters slung at you from the one who was supposed to love you the most. Congrats on making the journey so far and enjoy the future.

[Pikantari]

"It is sad, it really is.

The good thing is... I was not sad"

Good morning everyone.... it is a great day here! Coffee is already gone, gulped that down real quick!

Today I wake up happy, just like yesterday, and the day before,, and the day before... I could go on and on.



I thought about it some, last night before going to bed, I thought about how he needs to be able to talk to me, if we are to be a coparenting team.

He will never be a coparent, so, really it doesn't even matter. He will never be a co parent, a parent that has anything to do with anything.....

You know, he actually used to be... when we were together, not the very best, but there for them.

This should not have changed that.

But it has, and I am beginning to accept that, little by little, day by day.

I suppose I was just thinking that we are both the kids parents, and should both be there for them, in every way possible.

Well, it has become most obvious that he cannot do that... Maybe in time, maybe not.

It is not good for the kids, that he is this way, not good at all.

but luckily, this is the way he has been since we moved out, even though he used to get them every single weekend, it wasn't the same as it was.

So, little by little, as I realize, unfortunetly, they experience.

So, I suppose one day he will be void of them, or, he could get his act together.

My prayer is he does one or the other, not waiver between both.

I agree with MsV... if he is going to move, he cannot do it quick enough.

Thats me, for this morning

Happy, not sad... realization, good...

Everything is good right now. Very very good.

It can only get better.... YAY!

[MsV]

Ahhh, Robyn, what a pleasure to read your post from last evening. You deserve the peace of mind you exhibit, and your time is now. Yes, you'll have to live with some scuddlebutt from ib, as he works through his resentment, but I truly believe that he will neglect seeing the kids to get back at you, and that (I'm sorry to say) will be a good thing...and I'm not even sure of his presence in their lives at all, once he finds a new "victim" to love. From this point on your job will be to continue doing damage control with A&L, as to how daddy is doing the best he can, even tho it's not good. You are their rock, their reality check, their model of love. No Mother is better suited to this job, than you. Congratulations!

[Pikantari]

Originally Posted by aiangel_writer

Robyn, this is a wonderful message to those who are where you once were. IT is a message of hope, hope that there is a life out there for them. Hope that things can and will get better. Hope that there is renewal and peace and love.

It has always been my thought in this, to help someone else... I have indeed helped my self by posting all of these things, my life, my heart, my everything.

but in the background, always to help someone else, even if but one person, it is all worth it.....

[DareToDream]

Robyn, you have no idea how happy it makes me to "hear" you so happy

How are A and L doing? Has he called them since the court hearing?

I'm glad you are realizing he will not be able to co-parent - frankly, I think any attempt on his part to parent at all would be a disaster. He thinks of A and L as "possessions", not as his children, much the same as he thought of you as a possession and not a wife.

Unfortunately, you will most likely have to "explain" his hands-off attitude to L and A and I have no doubt that you will be able to do that in the way that is best for them to understand and you will be able to minimize the hurt they feel. I also suspect they will feel some "relief" if he "fades away" so to speak.

People like TJ will never be happy. They are always looking over their shoulder to see who is out to get them and they see ulterior motives in everyone.

Keep doing what you're doing Robyn - it's working for you and for the kids. The greatest gift they have been given in this life is to have you as their mother. You are teaching them through your actions how to deal with adversity and overcome obstacles - that's something no school can teach them.......