Hello Dennis, everyone. He is allowed to call between 5 and 530. It is written, and it is in the mediation agreement, which is now a part of the child custody arrangement.
When he has the kids, my time is 7-730 pm.
Last night he called at 533, the night before that it was after 6.
Hatrid. You are right. I had it in my heart before, when I was so upset with my sister after my Mother died.
I had it there and it ate me alive. It was killing me. I am pretty sure I told something about that on here...
I went to my preacher one day after the surmon and told him about it, and he led me int he direction I needed to go.
After I read that passage, I wondered how I could not have known that. I cried and I cried, and I released the hatrid from my heart.
That has been many years ago, and no hatrid has resided within me since.
I guess that is me.. Why I can't hate him for the things he did. Why the words have floated away, just gone from me.
They don't matter anymore. They do not have to stay with me as they were.
I think because I am gone from that now is the reason they have been allowed to leave me. I don't need them anymore. I don't have to look back and say ... he said this, that, this is how he hurt me.
Now, the
things he did, they have been staying with me. I will not forget them, anytime soon, maybe not forever. I suppose also, there is a reason for that as well... There is a reason for everything under the sun...
Dates stick so clearly in my mind.
The day he and his mother did the unthinkable. It is still there, not fresh in my mind as it has been in the past. There is something there not allowing me to let it go, as I shouldn't.
My hand. My ring finger, the left one.
There are no remnants of me ever wearing a wedding ring. An engagement ring, an anniversary band.
My fingernails are short, no polish, and my hand is free from his rings.
No evidence of them ever being there. As I walked out the back door on July 21,07, I took them off of my finger and put them in my jeans pocket. The same jeans I put on early that morning, when the policeman asked me if I wanted to change my shoes.
I drove for almost 4 hours early that morning in a haze.
I knew it happened. I could not believe it happened. But then again, I could. If I didn't, the rings would not have been in my pocket, several hours later me not even wanting to feel them against my skin, they were moved to my change purse, and stayed there for many months.
If someone asked me today where they are... I wouldn't know. Maybe in my jewelry box... I don't know. I know I took them out of my purse and threw them up in the top part of my computer desk one day.
Did I ever get them out? Can't even remember.
All things him just drift away, except for my A, and my L.
With me forever. My son, waiting for me to come up to bed this night, already having given me his goodnight hugs and kisses. he stood in his doorway as I walked up the stairs.
I thought you were in bed, I said to him.
Mommy, I just wanted to give you 'upstairs love' and he grabbed me and hugged me, and gave me a kiss just on my left cheek.
Mommy, why do I have to be so tall, he says to me.
I sit here right now smiling, thinking of the events of last night as I type them out.
Life is wonderful. It is a rough road. But, ya know, I drive the tinkmobile.
Its all good. It is all so very good. Right now, and as I walk steadily into my future.
Our lives are what we make them, what we allow. I am allowing happiness. Love, joy. The rest, I don't need. Oh yes, there are things there that I don't expect to have go away. There as a reminder. This is what you
dont need in your life, ever again.
They stay with me for a reason, having faded a bit, but not to the tune that they are gone.
This is a good thing. This is my 'radar' if you will...
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