Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-03-2014, 04:20 AM
 
Location: The Triad
34,090 posts, read 82,716,942 times
Reputation: 43659

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
And yet, none of them turned out to be worth keeping.
Dear.. few (probably none) of them were worth even meeting to begin with.
Focus on that end of the equation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-03-2014, 05:57 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Y'all cray cray
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2014, 08:00 AM
 
Location: D.C.
2,913 posts, read 2,437,454 times
Reputation: 4005
There have been a few times I kissed on the first date. One women we did a little more than kissing. ;-) It's all about her body language and her reactions. I've never really thought it's that difficult to read a woman's signals, but apparently many men have a hard time with this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2014, 08:34 AM
 
457 posts, read 603,323 times
Reputation: 319
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRational View Post
Dear.. few (probably none) of them were worth even meeting to begin with.
Focus on that end of the equation.
That's probably true. However, if she was only meeting the 1% she found suitable after weeding out the others, I'd have to think a fair number of them were boyfriend material, unless she was poor at weeding them out, which could be the case as well. You also have the factor that if you have this many first dates, it is easy to fall into the trap of being super picky, I probably would as well if I had options to that extent.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2014, 08:41 AM
 
Location: The Triad
34,090 posts, read 82,716,942 times
Reputation: 43659
Quote:
Originally Posted by ngroh View Post
That's probably true.
However, if she was only meeting the 1% she found suitable...
it is easy to fall into the trap of being super picky
go back up the thread to read the whole string.
but 5-10 new "dates" per week isn't even remotely picky
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2014, 08:48 AM
 
457 posts, read 603,323 times
Reputation: 319
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRational View Post
go back up the thread to read the whole string.
but 5-10 new "dates" per week isn't even remotely picky
I'm not saying picky in terms of meeting new people, I'm talking in terms of thinking whether they were worth the time in the end.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2014, 10:00 AM
 
Location: The Triad
34,090 posts, read 82,716,942 times
Reputation: 43659
Quote:
Originally Posted by ngroh View Post
I'm talking in terms of thinking whether they were worth the time in the end.
That's getting into personal value judgments and I really don't want to indict her on that level.

My point is about the simple math of it.
With even modest discrimination it's hard to get that many even in a big city
...unless the only qualifications are gender and a pulse.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2014, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Nashville, TN -
9,588 posts, read 5,816,424 times
Reputation: 11116
Quote:
Originally Posted by GravityMan View Post
For me, it depends on a lot of variables. Thus I prefer not to have any hard rules on this, aside from "don't force it". I think it's unwise to get overly logical about this. Just dynamically assess the situation as well as your own feelings and go for the kiss once the timing "feels right". That may be on the 1st date, the 4th date, whatever. Ideally the act itself and almost everything leading up to that point would unfold organically.

The degree of mutual chemistry, did we know each other prior to dating, how we connected, the vibe of the venue, how touchy-feely one or both people are around others in general, etc...all can influence how long it takes to get intimate with each other.

This is one area where it's important that you be able to properly read the other person's verbal and nonverbal social cues.
Best post on this thread. Sometimes you would love to kiss, but the surroundings, time, situation, etc. don't permit it. It's a bummer, but it happens.

I agree that some views on this are too formulaic. They range from I would never kiss on the first date to if the person doesn't kiss me on the first date, there won't be a second, or he/she's a prude. I think there's also the option to assess each situation individually.

I've kissed on first dates; I haven't on others. And on some of those dates that did NOT involve a kiss, I was very attracted to the guy, and he (as it turned out) was just as attracted to me. There ARE other variables involved.

I recently had a couple of dates with a guy I've really liked for more than a year now. I would have loved to have kissed on the first date, but we were surrounded by other people. Same with the second, though there was a big, strong hug (we were in busy parking lots both times, and to be honest, I'm so attracted to him that I felt too many butterflies to make it happen).

Do I write him off because of it? Definitely not! I look forward to the opportunity to finally be alone with him.

Last edited by newdixiegirl; 09-03-2014 at 10:47 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2014, 10:38 AM
 
4,613 posts, read 4,784,008 times
Reputation: 4098
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
When I was doing OLD, I had 5-10 first dates per week for several months. That would be quite a lot of kissing strangers.

Of course, what you and other regulars here know about me is that I am at the extreme end of the sex-positive and high-sex-drive spectrums, and that I have been repeatedly suspended from the forum (that sounds so kinky) for being too comfortable with sexuality.


I predict that your mind will be blown by the awesomeness of sex with someone who is an enthusiastic participant, not just 'letting you have sex on her' if you make room in your life for such a relationship. But that would mean waiting until she wants the kiss, and is not simply tolerating it.
You'll note that I said that this only applies to people who you're into/vice versa. I'm not recommending that everybody kiss everybody at the end of every first date. But if I like you and you like me, it's my opinion that a kiss at the end of the date is appropriate, and that holding out intentionally feels more like game playing than anything else.

Regarding your last paragraph, this is obviously more a personal preference than a recommendation, but I've found that the women more inclined to make a guy wait several dates for a kiss are the kind who are less likely to participate in any kind of "sex awesomeness". I know that's not universal, just my experience.

If she's simply "tolerating" a kiss because she doesn't want it, we're not going to move as far as sex anyway, so that's also kind of a moot point.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-03-2014, 10:48 AM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,976,371 times
Reputation: 6848
Lovely post, newdixiegirl .

Last edited by NilaJones; 09-03-2014 at 10:58 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:01 PM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top