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if your split was not amicable, meaning your ex wronged you and your longtime friends, knowing this, still choose to maintain that friendship... well, it sends a message that they don't really care what that person did to you!!
It honestly depends on what the ex did that was so bad. If I was physically abused by my ex and my friends still wanted to be friends with him, then I would definitely cut them loose. But in my case, my ex was just a jerk to me and we broke up. Most of my friends didn't like him anyway but a few did. One saw him sometimes and would tell me about it. Even though a part of me wished he'd stop talking to him, I knew I couldn't tell my friend what he could or couldn't do with his own friendships. This was a guy who wanted to be friends with everyone, anyway, and the ex didn't do anything to HIM, just me. So I didn't involve myself in it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by k374
But in this specific case, the nature of the breakup was explained to the friends. I just let the whole thing go but now it bothers me a bit that her entire bandwagon of friends summarily removed me from their FB but my friends choose to maintain this friendship despite knowledge of what I described in the above paragraph.
The question is, though, are they ACTUALLY friends with her or do they just have her on Facebook? there is quite a big difference. The only ex I remember that I unfriended immediately was an ex-girlfriend of one of my best friends, who was truly a bad person. I think I kept the others on, but I still wasn't really their friend.
Quite a bit depends on the context of the breakup. If somebody did something rotten to me, and my friends opted to stay tight with him, I'd know they aren't real friends.
It honestly depends on what the ex did that was so bad. If I was physically abused by my ex and my friends still wanted to be friends with him, then I would definitely cut them loose. But in my case, my ex was just a jerk to me and we broke up. Most of my friends didn't like him anyway but a few did. One saw him sometimes and would tell me about it. Even though a part of me wished he'd stop talking to him, I knew I couldn't tell my friend what he could or couldn't do with his own friendships. This was a guy who wanted to be friends with everyone, anyway, and the ex didn't do anything to HIM, just me. So I didn't involve myself in it.
The question is, though, are they ACTUALLY friends with her or do they just have her on Facebook? there is quite a big difference. The only ex I remember that I unfriended immediately was an ex-girlfriend of one of my best friends, who was truly a bad person. I think I kept the others on, but I still wasn't really their friend.
This.
One of my friends is still Facebook friends with her brother's ex-wife. She still occasionally posts on the ex-wife's wall for things like birthdays, but for the most part she cannot stand the woman. Her brother's ex is a nutjob. Facebook friends aren't always real friends.
Do you expect your good friends who were introduced to your ex through you to remain friends with your ex or to end/unfriend when you split? How do you feel about that? Would it impact your friendship negatively? What if you have unfriended your ex on FB but because she/he has remained friends with your friends you are constantly seeing her comments, likes etc. on your friends activities?
If you block your ex on FB, you won't see each others comments on your feed or vice versa.
I think, though, unless you're a teenager or you broke up because he was violent/other extreme circumstances, it's reasonable to remain friends with people you met through your ex. If you formed meaningful connections with those people or he did with your friends, it would be juvenile to discontinue the friendship and take sides.
if your split was not amicable, meaning your ex wronged you and your longtime friends, knowing this, still choose to maintain that friendship... well, it sends a message that they don't really care what that person did to you!!
The issue was between you and your ex, not your friend and your ex, if they still get along and you have an issue with it, than that it is a you problem, and not a problem of your ex or your friend.
Don't dictate who your friends can be friends with, because if you tried to, you might not like the results.
I would never try to convince my friends not to be friends with my ex if all of were friends before the breakup. Their friendship is their choice; however, I can choose to no longer be friends with them. I did that and am at peace with my decision.
fair enough. In my case though I had her friends and family on my FB and after the split all of them summarily defriended me from FB. However my friends are still friends with my ex.
So then, why is it OK for her friends to unfriend me when I was on very good terms with them and had no issues personally with them? And why can't I expect my friends to do the same?
Who is to blame for the split... of course each side has their own story. I blame my ex 100% for the entire thing, i'm sure she has a different POV. The obvious difference of opinion here is why the split happened in the first place.
You can expect your friends to do what they want to do and you either accept the fact that they are making their own decisions about who they want to be friends with or you find new friends.
Let me ask you this: If you and one of your friends works at the same place and you are doing great and love the job but your friend is not doing well and hates the job.
Your friend decides to quit the job would you quit the job simply because you friend hates the job even though you like the job and are doing well?
Your friend decides to quit the job would you quit the job simply because you friend hates the job even though you like the job and are doing well?
This is not the same. Quitting a job causes financial hardship and it's not expected. And besides people work for employers they hate all the time, it's impersonal. Friendship is based on how you feel about a person's character. If someone has wronged you and a friend does not acknowledge that wrong act then it is in a way a message that they don't think anything wrong occurred. Most people would not continue to associate or have friendship with someone they think is of bad moral character...would they?
Consider this situation, your close friend's wife cheats on him but you are friends with his wife as well. Are you going to continue to remain friends with his wife knowing that she cheated on your friend?
Do you expect your good friends who were introduced to your ex through you to remain friends with your ex or to end/unfriend when you split? How do you feel about that? Would it impact your friendship negatively? What if you have unfriended your ex on FB but because she/he has remained friends with your friends you are constantly seeing her comments, likes etc. on your friends activities?
I have made a comment before but my excuses for making the wrong comment on wrong thread. As far I can say people can be friends with any one who they want. But the most important part is if they are not manipulating you or criticize about you with your ex-and ex is not doing the same. But as you mention if you block your ex you are not able to see what he is doing on FB. As you mention if they are good friends they should not take a part between you and her/him. But I don't bother about what is going on FB any way.
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