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OP: I feel for you. My wife of 38 years and I both agree, we would not want to be dating in this day and age. We are quite religious and have solid Christian values and beliefs. Sex before marriage is a no-no. From what our single acquaintances have said, most men and women expect sex soon after dating begins. I might suggest you start going to a conservative Christian church and try to network there to find acceptable mates. Otherwise, my guess is that your quest for a new mate is going to be rather difficult.
Speaking from experience, once one is hit by the harsh reality of "we" becoming just "me", there is an overwhelming urge to find a surrogate, a replacement for one's former partner.
Yes.
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Off topic, but the horrendous devastation in the USSR in WW2 completely tore the social fabric. Because of the lopsided wartime male casualty rate (plus the lopsided male incarceration rate in the Gulag), norms of monogamy and fidelity were essentially suspended. Reliable statistics are unavailable because of uncertainty (and lingering lies) over war-dead and casualties of the Stalinist purges, but I'd loosely estimate a 1:2 ratio of men to women in the 18-35 bracket nationwide. For those men fortunate enough to survive the various harrows and atrocities, an entire generation was spent in frat-boy indulgence. Millions of women were completely shut out of the marriage-market.
Wow. I never realised.
I don't know about farther east, but does this in part explain the greater acceptance of women's sexuality in, for example, Germany and Northern Europe, compared to the US?
So this certainly is NOT where I expected to be at 47. I was with my husband for 25 years. The last 5 of which were sexless...which significantly contributed to our divorce. We are still in the same house, but I will be moving out by the end of the year.
Not to rain on your parade or anything, but is the lack of sex the only reason you divorced your husband? Most men's sex drives peak in our early 20's, and really start declining once we get past 30. It's biological. I'm only 36, and I'm not really all that interested in sex anymore. I mean, I like it and all....But it's not at the forefront of my thoughts like it was when I was in my 20's.
All I'm saying is that you shouldn't really be faulting your husband for not having much of a sex drive past the age of 40. It happens to a lot of guys, so don't be surprised if you have the same problem when you start dating guys your own age. If it weren't for the little blue pill half of guys my age and older would've hung up the towel on sex.
Not to rain on your parade or anything, but is the lack of sex the only reason you divorced your husband? Most men's sex drives peak in our early 20's, and really start declining once we get past 30. It's biological. I'm only 36, and I'm not really all that interested in sex anymore. I mean, I like it and all....But it's not at the forefront of my thoughts like it was when I was in my 20's.
All I'm saying is that you shouldn't really be faulting your husband for not having much of a sex drive past the age of 40. It happens to a lot of guys, so don't be surprised if you have the same problem when you start dating guys your own age. If it weren't for the little blue pill half of guys my age and older would've hung up the towel on sex.
I think age has very little to do with it, I think it depends on what kind of situation the guy is in. I could see how a dude who's been married and sleeping with the same woman 15, 20, 30 years could lose interest in sex. If I had to bang the same chick everyday for the rest of my life, I know I would lose interest. I love Italian food, I wouldn't want to eat it everyday. I think some men need a variety, to mix it up to keep their interest/drive going.
You haven't met them yet, but there are many women who have sex drives far higher than yours. And most of those women have learned through experience that if they have sex right away, their high sex drives get even higher, and make it impossible for them to think rationally about whether a man is compatible outside the bedroom.
In addition, many women with high sex drives develop their intense attraction to their mates after two or more dates.
There is a wide world of voracious women that you are cutting yourself off from. Is that really what you want to do?
I was one of these women once. With my ex. You're right. My sexual attraction to him was so strong, it clouded my judgement, rendering me quite irrational about him. He turned out to be a creep and broke my heart pretty badly over a period of years. It was a yo-yo relationship that cost me nearly everything I had ever worked so hard for.
I know now that it's better for ME to feel a reasonable attraction to somebody rather than the crazy-ass attraction I felt for the other guy.
Am not sure if that level of sexual attraction messes men up as much as it does women. The ex was equally attracted to me, but couldn't get past his madonna/***** complex. I paid the price for that.
Much happier with the well-rounded nature of my relationship with my husband. It's calmer and I can think straight lol
You haven't met them yet, but there are many women who have sex drives far higher than yours. And most of those women have learned through experience that if they have sex right away, their high sex drives get even higher, and make it impossible for them to think rationally about whether a man is compatible outside the bedroom.
In addition, many women with high sex drives develop their intense attraction to their mates after two or more dates.
There is a wide world of voracious women that you are cutting yourself off from. Is that really what you want to do?
This! Exactly this! You (we women) have to avoid sexual contact until we've fully evaluated the guy and decided it's a "go". Otherwise me might be stumbling from one train wreck to another, endlessly. We need to stay as clear-headed and objective as possible through the getting-to-know-you stage.
Not to rain on your parade or anything, but is the lack of sex the only reason you divorced your husband? Most men's sex drives peak in our early 20's, and really start declining once we get past 30. It's biological. I'm only 36, and I'm not really all that interested in sex anymore. I mean, I like it and all....But it's not at the forefront of my thoughts like it was when I was in my 20's.
All I'm saying is that you shouldn't really be faulting your husband for not having much of a sex drive past the age of 40. It happens to a lot of guys, so don't be surprised if you have the same problem when you start dating guys your own age. If it weren't for the little blue pill half of guys my age and older would've hung up the towel on sex.
DUDE! Get your testosterone checked. What you describe here is totally not normal at all. Sure, men over 40 are not quite the raging bulls of their late teens and early 20s, but to imply that it's somehow normal for a man to "not have much of a sex drive past the age of 40" is wayyyy off the mark.
"Guys today expect sex on the second date" - REALLY?!?
"If you meet someone online, meet up immediately! You shouldn't text for more than a day!" WOW - so much for getting to know someone....SLOWLY.
"Don't commit to a meal for a first date - you want to be able to bail if there is no chemistry" So how do you know if there is any "chemistry" in 15 minutes over coffee?
I guess I am an old soul. The new world order, the new dating rules are kind of freaking me out. I'm a romantic. I love romance. I like picnics, dating rituals, getting to know someone. I will confess that with my husband, for me it was love at first sight and accordingly, I kept my legs crossed for a year. Remember the expression, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Well, I still believe in that, but from what my friends tell me, from what I read online, I have ZERO chance at a real relationship if I don't "put out"
Seriously - IS THAT WHAT OUR WORLD HAS BECOME? This post is targeted to men and women over 40. I am looking for guidance and suggestions as I enter this new chapter in my life.
Thank you for your replies.
Dating is the same at most any age thus asking for opinions of only 40 yo's is silly. Guys like sex. That's up to you to decide when you want to reciprocate that. If you're attractive, pretty much every guy who isn't your relative fits into that statement.
For the online thing, just texting or typing or whatever for a long time will lead to nowhere. If you have an interest in meeting someone then meet them. Your old fashioned ideas really don't apply to something that wasn't around when things were old fashioned. 15 minutes of coffee should give you a clear idea of whether or not you want to see that person again.
Women like romance and picnics. The vast majority of guys just go along with that. Why don't you keep that desire for when you're in a long term relationship. You're dating, not relationshipping. Not many guys want to wait a year. That idea works well when you're really young, but not for most adults. Why would someone wait a year to find out if you're compatible that way?
It's funny how every generation complains at what the world has become when largely it is a lot the same.
Be positive. Online dating works for lot of people but did not work for me. One of my friends got a good guy from online dating.
Same here. I did online dating after my divorce but never got another chance to be in a relationship. However, my friend met her second husband online and is very happy.
Be upfront about your values so you don't waste time with unsuitable people. My happy friend was able to find a man with the same background, religion, and life plans by being specific.
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