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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K-Luv
For what it is worth, the desire, let alone the choice, to live up to one's full potential is an individual choice to make and one that is based on the individual's concept of what "full potential" may or may not entail.
That is absolutely true. Hopefully that individual's concept of what their full potential is is not too clouded by treatable illnesses.
You've only been a member here since May. Take it from a fossil in these parts: There are plenty of men who come on here and say again and again and again how they don't want a relationship, they don't need or want women, marriage is a bad idea, men have too much to lose by getting involved with women or marrying, on and on and on.
What's more, those with the low post counts are more often than not people who have gotten banned repeatedly and have to keep coming back with new accounts to turn their sour grapes into whine.
this is the part that always amazes me. these people that constantly whine about how bad relationships are, then say they dont want a relationship, then turn around and say they have no success, and then say they dont want to try, and then say they would get in a relationship if only. i really cant fathom why they are here in the first place, let alone keep coming back to peddle their brand of garbage.
12 step programs vary very little in their actual steps. Step 1 is modified to change "alcohol" to whatever disease/addiction the person has. Step 12 is modified to change "alcoholic" to whatever term is appropriate. The rest of the steps' wording remains in tact. What you're proposing would read something like:
1. We admitted we were powerless over social interaction—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to the socially awkward, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Go practice those 12 steps and share with others how it has changed your life. That's how 12 step groups/programs get started.
IDK, people, could we leave the "higher power" thing out of it?
Do you mean a Twelve Step Program like AA? Nope. It'll never work. But here's a different twelve-step program.
1. Go to the nearest magazine rack and pick up some fashion mags. GQ for the guys, some equivalent for the gals. Now avoid looking at the over-the-top stuff, but instead pay attention to the more mainstream styles.
2. Now, take a trusted friend with you to the store and get a wardrobe overhaul. You don't have to spend big bucks. But enough to get your through the week.
3. Take a deep breath and get rid of that haircut you've had since fifth grade. Just do it.
4. Wear eyeglasses? Get something more stylish, or just get contacts.
5. Start exercising every day. Hey, it could just be a two-mile walk. But do something every day and do a little more of it every day. Find something you enjoy. Personally, I detest running. Bores the snot out of me. So it's cycling for me.
6. Whatever rut you have, get out of it. Evaluate what you do every night and weekend and stop doing it for a month. If you flip on the TV when you get home, get a book from the library. If you sit at home all weekend, then get out.
7. Find a night/weekend class in something potentially co-educational that interests you. Art. Music. Hiking. Whatever. If you like it, others will like it. And you'll automatically have something in common with those people.
8. Read new and interesting things, things you would normally pass by at the bookstore.
9. Cultivate the art of saying hello to people without agenda. Make a game of it. Just talk to them for the sheer joy of it. You'll be amazed how many people respond to you.
10. When you engage someone in conversation, make the conversation about them. Be more of a listener than a talker. Mind you, don't just sit and listen to a monolog. But if you listen more than you talk, then you'll be the most fascinating conversationalist that person has met all night.
11. Don't be a doormat. Be assertive without being difficult. People love it when you call them on their b.s. in a playful way.
12. It's a numbers game. The minute you strike up a meaningful conversation with someone, don't treat that person as if he/she were your personal oxygen bottle or life preserver, to be clung to at all costs. Circulate through the party and show that you're a person who is interesting in your own right.
4. Wear eyeglasses? Get something more stylish, or just get contacts.
9. Cultivate the art of saying hello to people without agenda. Make a game of it. Just talk to them for the sheer joy of it. You'll be amazed how many people respond to you.
10. When you engage someone in conversation, make the conversation about them. Be more of a listener than a talker. Mind you, don't just sit and listen to a monolog. But if you listen more than you talk, then you'll be the most fascinating conversationalist that person has met all night.
Everything was fabulous, I just want to comment on these 3.
4. I wear glasses mainly for driving. But I LOVE shopping for glasses! Find a store that has a wide variety of styles, including some avante-garde styles. Get jiggy with your glasses shopping. Have fun. Explore. Get something that's stylish and looks great on you. It'll be worth it, especially if you wear them all the time.
9. This is basic! A lot of the shy guys here (and women) haven't mastered this simple art. Get good at it, and it will open the door to relaxed, friendly banter with the opposite sex.
10. So simple, and yet, so rare to find in the world! Too many people blather on about themselves. Don't be that guy (or girl). It's SUCH a turn-off!
You really really do not get it do you. At my current advanced age I am actually considered quite attractive and can routinely attract women of a wide range of ages. But that is far from the situation I experienced when I was younger, so I can understand what the younger unattractive men on this forum go through. Suggesting a 12 step program is actually insulting. No amount of confidence training, style consultations, ego boosting sessions and therapy are going to change anything if they are not attractive enough to attract a women that they want to have a relationship with. Many of them state that they have tried everything and have failed, I take them at their word, I don't assume they are idiots and second guess them. Why is it so hard for some women to accept the fact that some men are just not physically attractive enough to attract a woman that they want to have a relationship with, and that they would rather just live alone than be with a women that they are not attracted to?
Maybe you really do not understand the concept that it's not all about looks, really. Pheromones combined with a compatible personality can do wonders. But, if these guys are looking for advice on how to act cocky to win a woman, no smart woman is going to go out of her way to be nice to him. If this becomes a pattern, then it's probably not likely about a person's "physical attributes" but say... how they come across to the party in question (jerk comes to mind) they're no innocent "victims" here.
The idea of a 12 step program:
"Hi, I'm Bob (or Lorena), I'm lonely and socially awkward and I need help."
Doesn't bode too well. Perhaps maybe if people had something more neutral like for those who are into arts or star gazing and set up a fun venue where people can mingle and talk, and do fun activities and learn something.. takes the focus off traditional dating, and then they'll have something more compelling to share amongst one another rather than feeling stigmatized or judged.. or placed in a box.. you're providing a dating service that pulls out mutual interests and draws out their personal strengths, and possibly matching temperaments.
I like the idea of a meetup group for dating but categorized in fun topics or hobbies people like solely for the purpose of dating and see what transpires from there.
Maybe you really do not understand the concept that it's not all about looks, really. Pheromones combined with a compatible personality can do wonders. But, if these guys are looking for advice on how to act cocky to win a woman, no smart woman is going to go out of her way to be nice to him. If this becomes a pattern, then it's probably not likely about a person's "physical attributes" but say... how they come across to the party in question (jerk comes to mind) they're no innocent "victims" here.
The idea of a 12 step program:
"Hi, I'm Bob (or Lorena), I'm lonely and socially awkward and I need help."
Doesn't bode too well. Perhaps maybe if people had something more neutral like for those who are into arts or star gazing and set up a fun venue where people can mingle and talk, and do fun activities and learn something.. takes the focus off traditional dating, and then they'll have something more compelling to share amongst one another rather than feeling stigmatized or judged.. or placed in a box.. you're providing a dating service that pulls out mutual interests and draws out their personal strengths, and possibly matching temperaments.
I like the idea of a meetup group for dating but categorized in fun topics or hobbies people like solely for the purpose of dating and see what transpires from there.
The thing about meetup groups is that it's actually a bit difficult to find people close to your own age.
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