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You need to get control of your emotions and find a partner who has more in common with you.
I don't think she's moody as much as she's upset that he disrespects her and can't carry on a discussion without belittling her intellect. Would you like it if you asked your partner a question and your partner said, "that's a stupid question," then turned around and mocked you in front of his friends and family for asking it?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
I don't think she's moody as much as she's upset that he disrespects her and can't carry on a discussion without belittling her intellect. Would you like it if you asked your partner a question and your partner said, "that's a stupid question," then turned around and mocked you in front of his friends and family for asking it?
My wife and I have spent more than a quarter century trying to work out appropriate rules of engagement.
I've learned to never make a statement which calls into question her intelligence or integrity. I can disagree or even question her logic or position, but not in a dismissive or condescending manner and never in public. She'll tell a story and leave out or change important details and it drives me insane, but unless it's important that I speak up (e.g. at the doctor, accountant, etc.) I've worked hard to suppress my correcting or challenging her until we're alone.
If it's more important to your boyfriend to be right or to feel as if though he's won an argument rather than to avoid knowingly hurting your feelings, that's a red flag. He may just need to grow up a bit and be made to realize what he's doing, or he may just be narrow minded and dismissive. If you feel he's worth the effort, talk to him about this and repeat the message as often as necessary.
If you're important enough to him, he'll start working on making the necessary adjustments.
How a couple fight says a lot about the relationship and if it will pass the test of time or not. It sounds like you and your wife have worked out good "rules of engagement". I love that term.
Quote:
Originally Posted by unlucky22 It's not like we yell on each other. Not at all. it's not even about big things. For example. I'm very curious and ask a lot of questions and want deep answers. Sometimes I ask him some things since I'm not always carrying books with me to study it. Then my bf starts to make fun of me how it's a stupid question but neither does he know the answers. Later when I do a research I see how complex the issue I was asking about was. But he still talks about our fight to his friends and family, making himself look smart and me stupid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vfr800-cr250
Big red flag here. He's putting you down and then talking about the fight to other people in a way that makes you feel awful. This is a way to exert subtle control. If this is the only issue maybe you can deal with it, but if there are other problems you may want to rethink the relationship. Would he be angry if you talked to your friends and family about the fights? Does he try to make you feel bad about anything else, like the clothes you wear or your friends?
I agree ^^ red flags. Controlling is a bad thing and usually never changes
How do you cope with arguments in relationships? I seriously hate them. I get very moody and my whole day, sometimes even week is ruined. It effects my job, friendships, my whole life.
It's not like we yell on each other. Not at all. it's not even about big things. For example. I'm very curious and ask a lot of questions and want deep answers. Sometimes I ask him some things since I'm not always carrying books with me to study it. Then my bf starts to make fun of me how it's a stupid question but neither does he know the answers. Later when I do a research I see how complex the issue I was asking about was. But he still talks about our fight to his friends and family, making himself look smart and me stupid.
We both get moody after the debate. He gets over it quickly and I can't shake it of for days.
I don't know how to stop this. I don't consider him dumb but he is just not interested in a world like me. He doesn't respect science and thinks he knows everything. This gets me frustrated.
I guess the solution is not to talk?
This isn't a good sign at all. You don't want to be with someone who betrays you to his friends and family. This isn't a guy who's on your side.
And from what you describe, they're not even fights. They're conversations, but his pride gets hurt because he doesn't know the answers to your questions, and that embarrasses him. So to avoid admitting he doesn't know the answers (which to him, means he's dumb), he puts you down.
This is not your friend. How long have you been with this guy? He isn't LTR material. He should be defending you in front of everyone (and you should have his back, too, when the occasion arrises), not throwing you under the bus, to look good. How long have you been with this backstabber? How much longer do you want to put up with this?
How do you cope with arguments in relationships? I seriously hate them. I get very moody and my whole day, sometimes even week is ruined. It effects my job, friendships, my whole life.
It's not like we yell on each other. Not at all. it's not even about big things. For example. I'm very curious and ask a lot of questions and want deep answers. Sometimes I ask him some things since I'm not always carrying books with me to study it. Then my bf starts to make fun of me how it's a stupid question but neither does he know the answers. Later when I do a research I see how complex the issue I was asking about was. But he still talks about our fight to his friends and family, making himself look smart and me stupid.
We both get moody after the debate. He gets over it quickly and I can't shake it of for days.
I don't know how to stop this. I don't consider him dumb but he is just not interested in a world like me. He doesn't respect science and thinks he knows everything. This gets me frustrated.
I guess the solution is not to talk?
Yes. Just shut up and let your BF do all the talking. Just stand there and look pretty.
(That was sarcasm, in case you missed it).
Honey, if some jerk calls your questions "stupid" and belittles you to his friends and family, DUMP HIM.
This. OP, my guess is that you're a lot smarter than he is. You need to find someone who thinks and analyzes on your level. Someone who's loyal to you. This guy doesn't know what loyalty is. And he doesn't care a whit about your feelings. He really doesn't care about you much at all, as evidenced by his actions.
I don't think she's moody as much as she's upset that he disrespects her and can't carry on a discussion without belittling her intellect. Would you like it if you asked your partner a question and your partner said, "that's a stupid question," then turned around and mocked you in front of his friends and family for asking it?
Because to me, this guy sounds like an oaf.
Ouch, yeah I had a girlfriend like that... it's pretty depressing.
Ha! Sorry but welcome to a real relationship. To argue is healthy. Especially the first few years. My husband is extremely intelligent but not in medicine/science, etc. like I am. I do not have those sorts of discussions with him. There will be some things you just will not have regular discussions about with him. That would be exhausting to have to share interest, intelligence or passion about all the same things. Enjoy your differences and learn from each other instead of exploit them.
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