Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Is she frugal, good at managing her money? Was she planning on waitressing the rest of her life? Does she have any life goals? Did she do well in HS? Is there a reason she hasn't tried Community College?
She did well enough in HS, she didn't do the college route because of money and she wasn't sure she'd be able to handle classes. I don't really know what her plan is. She manages some of it, but most of it is managed by me, that's where she's comfortable having it.
She did well enough in HS, she didn't do the college route because of money and she wasn't sure she'd be able to handle classes. I don't really know what her plan is. She manages some of it, but most of it is managed by me, that's where she's comfortable having it.
I wouldn't be managing someone else's money or co-mingling funds at this point. My grandpa used to say to never do business with friends or family; you will lose both. And he has been proven to be true. If nothing else, resentment grows over time.
She may be feeling more inferior about her dependence upon you than class difference after 5 years together.
So you asked for advice, IMO you both need to sort yourselves out and stand on your own feet taking responsibility for yourselves and your futures. Then see what is in the works
She did well enough in HS, she didn't do the college route because of money and she wasn't sure she'd be able to handle classes. I don't really know what her plan is. She manages some of it, but most of it is managed by me, that's where she's comfortable having it.
You mean, she wasn't sure she'd be able to handle classes in addition to waitressing? Or she wasn't sure she could handle college-level classes? What are her living arrangements? She could live at home, waitress part-time (even if 3/4 time), and go to CC.
I agree with the others; you guys are too young for marriage at this point (not that you said you were rushing into it, anyway). The fact that in 5 years you two have never discussed life's big picture and your individual goals (or hers, at least) indicates you two need some time yet before making any big decisions. But the fact that she trusts you to manage her money, and that she's generally pretty good with it (isn't spendy) seems to bode well.
I don't know what to tell you about her problem with the class/wealth difference. Is she comfortable around your parents, or does her behavior show that she feels "less than"? What does she say when you tell her the difference doesn't mean anything, and being a good person is more important?
I wouldn't be managing someone else's money or co-mingling funds at this point. My grandpa used to say to never do business with friends or family; you will lose both. And he has been proven to be true. If nothing else, resentment grows over time.
You mean, she wasn't sure she'd be able to handle classes in addition to waitressing? Or she wasn't sure she could handle college-level classes? What are her living arrangements? She could live at home, waitress part-time (even if 3/4 time), and go to CC.
I agree with the others; you guys are too young for marriage at this point (not that you said you were rushing into it, anyway). The fact that in 5 years you two have never discussed life's big picture and your individual goals (or hers, at least) indicates you two need some time yet before making any big decisions. But the fact that she trusts you to manage her money, and that she's generally pretty good with it (isn't spendy) seems to bode well.
I don't know what to tell you about her problem with the class/wealth difference. Is she comfortable around your parents, or does her behavior show that she feels "less than"? What does she say when you tell her the difference doesn't mean anything, and being a good person is more important?
She wasn't sure he could survive the difficulty of college classes. When ever I comfort her and tell her things like money and degrees don't make you a better person, she cheers right up, but about 3 or so weeks later she's in that mindset again.
She wasn't sure he could survive the difficulty of college classes. When ever I comfort her and tell her things like money and degrees don't make you a better person, she cheers right up, but about 3 or so weeks later she's in that mindset again.
I wonder if this is a self-confidence/self-image issue? She should test the waters and take 1 college class, to see how she does. CC classes aren't that hard. If she did well enough in HS, I wonder what the problem is. It sounds like she doesn't have a rational reason for being afraid of CC classes.
We're 23 and have been dating 5 years. We come from very different socioeconomic backgrounds ( please don't read this as arrogance) My family is well off, hers isn't. Our first Christmas together she bought me a blanket( I still use), I bought her earrings. What made her feel inferior was the price tag, like, just because my gift was more expensive mine was better. I told her that was not the case. We live together now, near the campus where I go to school, she waitresses and feels that, because of her being without a college degree, that I'm better than her. I've told her that a piece of paper on the wall doesn't make you a better person. It makes me sad to see her get sad like this . This attitude isn't 24/7, but she has these moments. I do intend to marry this girl. Anything more I can do to help?
the first thing you can do is dial back the expensive gifts for now, and dial up the affection for her. the second thing you can do is tell her that when you decide the time is right to marry her, probably after you finish your degree, that you will help put her through college.
but what you need to do right now is let her know in no uncertain terms, just how important she is to you. that is it wasnt for her, you wouldnt be the person you are now. being generous with your money isnt what she wants, being generous with your feelings, especially for her, is what she wants right now.
so while diamond earrings are a nice gift, maybe next time get her something less expensive, and giver her a card that truly expresses your feelings about her.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. This attitude isn't 24/7, but she has these moments. I do intend to marry this girl. Anything more I can do to help?
