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They are not lacking at all....and I do like them.
But I'm concerned about longterm compatibility.
The thing is, I'm very cerebral.
These guys ask me what I do for fun, and it's hard for me to answer.
This is because I mostly THINK. I observe. I analyze.
What do you think?
I think you ought to move to North Carolina.
Or tell me if you're anywhere near E Wilson St in Costa Mesa.
I don't think they're a good match. It seems like you could find a match closer to your type, but the religion criterion gets in the way...? Is it important to have a match religion-wise? I don't think being cerebral is a problem or liability, or whatever. There are guys like that out there, too, probably frustrated that they keep running into women who are party types, or fluff types, or whatever. Getting the right people together at the right time is the big challenge.
Yeah it's hard to meet like-minded people, but I'm wondering now how much that's a necessity.
It's not just religion but the values that go with it, which I'm far less willing to compromise on than mutual interests (rather shallow) and similar temperament (might be dull anyway).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
One more thought, OP: have you tried Unitarian churches, or Unitarian Universalist churches, to try to find creative, cerebral types who are Christians? Or whatever type of church suits you?
I'm happy with my place of worship. I go there for spiritual reasons.
There is little in the way of single, appropriately aged men though. I do try to branch out within my religion by doing different volunteer work and accepting all socisl invitations, but since my last ex it hasn't been very successful. That's why I'm trying other avenues again, and whether religious or not, these are the ones who seem to like me. It's just weird that I attract them, but then I don't want to be closed minded.
I guess some men are willing to wait it out and even commit to a relationship if they think you are "hot"? All the other stuff becomes a distant second at best? I would think they'd be deterred by my slow to warm time, but they aren't. It may be that they like the "challenge".
It seems most here are leaning towards, "no, this wouldn't work out."
Quote:
Originally Posted by dave nz
Church? get a good male gigolo instead OP
J/K
Surely you know a woman need not pay. Unless you're referring to the "pay then to shut up and go away" deal. But I have these pesky morals...
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRational;i36504022
I think you ought to move to North Carolina.
Or tell me if you're anywhere near E Wilson St in Costa Mesa.
Surely you know a woman need not pay. Unless you're referring to the "pay then to shut up and go away" deal. But I have these pesky morals...
I was just joking and trying to get a laugh out of people. Maybe that is something you could do better.
When you have social time, know how to share a laugh with people you share things in common with.
Without meeting you its hard to know, but do you have a good sense of humor and regularly laugh in certain social situations?
I was just joking and trying to get a laugh out of people. Maybe that is something you could do better.
When you have social time, know how to share a laugh with people you share things in common with.
Without meeting you its hard to know, but do you have a good sense of humor and regularly laugh in certain social situations?
My reply was cheeky. I suppose I should've used a smiley.
Yes I laugh easily. Of course there are different kinds of humor. I prefer dry wit, sarcasm and absurdities.
What I find is that most people joke all the time, and I'm able to participate. But they rarely converse about anything of depth. I don't want to be starving for that, and I often feel I am.
I realize others bond over humor, but I don't. I can engage in that and feel no bond. It also does little in terms of attraction for me. I've never highly valued a guy who makes me laugh as so many women do.
OP, you described the dilemma I faced when I was in the dating scene. I met a lot of interesting and good guys, but few were my type, which are the cerebral/intellectual, yet not uptight or socially inept. I dated a few men who made the cut, but they were few and far between. I was extremely selective. I was looking for someone mature and older, preferably at least late 30's, with a geeky and intellectual side. There are a few areas that are extremely important to me in a partner, and the intellectual connection is the main component. Comparative religion and philosophy (mainly the branch of metaphysics -- cosmology) are my fields of study, so I spend a lot of time analyzing and dissecting all sorts of ideas and concepts, and it's highly stimulating and enjoyable for me. Being able to share and discuss these matters and other topics with my partner is a must.
Most of the men who qualified lived hundreds, if not thousands of miles away. They weren't always local to me, so my search wasn't always fruitful. But these types do exist; it may just take some time for one to cross your path.
I need a high level of intellectual connection with a partner, too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangeapple
I've also had issues when the brainier types are atheists and degrade my faith.
It seems the thinking types are somehow less tolerant to differences...
This really surprises me. Is it a regional phenomenon? Where I live, the intellectual types are the most open! People who identify as atheists (in the sense of being activists, or being 'anti' religion are very rare (I met one, once). Intellectual men here are often not believers or 'spiritual but not religious', but don't have a problem with my faith. They are curious, not disparaging.
I second the suggestion that you continue with your church for spiritual purposes, but visit some other liberal churches to scout out openminded men. Unitarian, Quaker, etc.
I also highly recommend men in the hard sciences -- physics, biology, etc. -- and math and computer science / software. They tend to be smart, witty, and very open.
I have not had trouble finding intellectual guys, but I always have to be the one who initiates with them. Mainly because they are aware enough of women's issues not to want to intrude or be pushy. Are you willing to take the first step?
I think you should stick with the kinds of guys you seem to be attracting and not worry about the 'intellectual' life. If you need intellectual stimulation, you can join a book group or take a class or start a blog. If you can find a guy you are basically compatible with, you have some things in common with (but not all) and you enjoy his company, and you can LOVE him and he loves you, I would never worry about finding someone who shares a similar life of the mind. It just isn't that necessary for long term happiness.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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For me, opposites attract. I'm a more intellectual type in many ways, although I don't have a degree. But I rarely find myself drawn to other intellectuals. I want the more rugged types.
If two women have a bachelor's degree in physics, and one is working as a research physicist in a lab, and the other is a combat fighter pilot in the USMC, I would most likely find more interest in the USMC officer.
I think you should stick with the kinds of guys you seem to be attracting and not worry about the 'intellectual' life. If you need intellectual stimulation, you can join a book group or take a class or start a blog. If you can find a guy you are basically compatible with, you have some things in common with (but not all) and you enjoy his company, and you can LOVE him and he loves you, I would never worry about finding someone who shares a similar life of the mind. It just isn't that necessary for long term happiness.
This is what my mom keeps saying. But I wonder if she's living vicariously through me because she likes these types. Yet, my mom attracted the arty weirdos and her children took after their fathers
Stagemomma's advice wouldn't work for me. I absolutely need the intellectual connection.
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