Should I get a divorce now? (marriage, women, love, single)

[Nirvana1123]

Im a 20yr girl who got married this past summer. My husband is 35yrs old, yes i know...big age difference. Im 4 months pregnant and extremely excited about it. I feel I made a huge mistake by getting married last summer though. I had been in a very abusive relationship for 2 years and couldnt get out. Finally someone lended me a helping hand and I grabbed ahold! I think I was so neady for love and attention that I didnt really look at the big picture. Im a very mature and independant person. I dont like being hung on and I dont need a person at my feet 24hours a day. This is the problem with my husband. He wasnt too bad when we first got together. He drove a great car and made good money. Had friends and hobbies. Things have changed though. It turned out that his truck was owned my and ex and she took it back. So it was never really his and that explains the extra money he had. He doesnt make much and it makes it had to live any kind of normal life with a man who doesnt pull his own weight. To make matters worse, he hurt himself at work and his campany doesnt have workman comp. So now were out of his paycheck all together. I love going to the gym when I get home but he always gives me a hard time because "he's been waiting alllll day to see me!" I cant go to the store by myself, to get gas, or go to the gym. If he come to the gym with me he's kissing me every 5 min. All I want to do is work out and I cant do it. He always has to be by me. Im young and i dont know if I should stick it out with him or if we should split after the babies born. Im a mellow person but im very pretty, smart and young. Should we get a divorce before the child is old enough to understand. Maybe im just being a crazy pregnant person? Will this ever pass?

[msaRick]

Ummmmm... I don't think this goes on this forum; I think it goes on the relationship forum. The moderator will probably be moving it very soon.

In the meantime; yes it sounds like you should divorce him. You married too young. He sounds like a looser. Get out now before he sucks you down even more. No reason to wait for the kid to pop out either. You both sound too immature to be in a marriage. That may sound mean, but its not really an insult. I'm not ready for marriage and I'm turning 27 next week.

Alot of people will tell you to stick it out becuase they are personally against divorce and/or single parent households. What they fail to realize is that the child will be worse off in an unhappy traditional household than it would be in a happy single parent household.

Really though, this is a pretty complicated thing and you shoudl probably look for help from a trusted source, not a forum.

[**NoodLes**]

To tell the truth I think you are being selfish. Its so easy to say he does this and that. Every rltshp has ups and downs and this is a down time. 20 yrs old, yep you made a big mistake, but you have to deal with it for as long as you can. I say give it some time, pregnant women can be a little crazy and believe me growing up w/o a dad completely sucks!

[Davachka]

Don't listen to that advice, you are not being selfish. Doing whats best for you is not being selfish, it is what really matters. If someone truly loves you they will want whats best for you as well. If you know in your heart that this is not right, then what is the point for dealing with it for as long as you can? That just hurts everyone in the long run, and believe me, you do not want a second child with someone who is not right for you.
You should consider if you truly want to keep the child. You should also consider if you are truly willing to spend the rest of your life with this man. If yo do want the child, it will still see the father on the weekends, and thats not being without a father. A single family household is much better than an unhappy 2 parent household.

[RoaminRed]

Get out while you can.

[krock67]

IMHO 20 is way too young to get marry this day and age; however, now that you are and with child you can't afford to make another big mistake. So you should seek counseling and advice, only from those that have a successful/happy/long marriage.

[CJFlorida]

Leave, leave today, leave now. Every single bit of experience says things will get worse and worse. Obsessive men grow more and more obsessive. They NEVER change for the better, only for the worse.

Break it off as clean as possible. Any relationship he has with the baby can not include you in any way, shape, or form. You should allow only what the court orders. Obsessive guys will use the baby as leverage, only allow the minimum the court dictates.

Someone said growing up without a Dad is bad....growing up in an obsessive relationship environment is a million times worse. They turn violent the vast majority of the time....unless it has already turned violent?

Your description is as classic a case of something that will end very badly if you do not break it off as soon and as completely as possible.

[jules24]

Originally Posted by Nirvana1123

Im a 20yr girl who got married this past summer. My husband is 35yrs old, yes i know...big age difference. Im 4 months pregnant and extremely excited about it. I feel I made a huge mistake by getting married last summer though. I had been in a very abusive relationship for 2 years and couldnt get out. Finally someone lended me a helping hand and I grabbed ahold! I think I was so neady for love and attention that I didnt really look at the big picture. Im a very mature and independant person. I dont like being hung on and I dont need a person at my feet 24hours a day. This is the problem with my husband. He wasnt too bad when we first got together. He drove a great car and made good money. Had friends and hobbies. Things have changed though. It turned out that his truck was owned my and ex and she took it back. So it was never really his and that explains the extra money he had. He doesnt make much and it makes it had to live any kind of normal life with a man who doesnt pull his own weight. To make matters worse, he hurt himself at work and his campany doesnt have workman comp. So now were out of his paycheck all together. I love going to the gym when I get home but he always gives me a hard time because "he's been waiting alllll day to see me!" I cant go to the store by myself, to get gas, or go to the gym. If he come to the gym with me he's kissing me every 5 min. All I want to do is work out and I cant do it. He always has to be by me. Im young and i dont know if I should stick it out with him or if we should split after the babies born. Im a mellow person but im very pretty, smart and young. Should we get a divorce before the child is old enough to understand. Maybe im just being a crazy pregnant person? Will this ever pass?

Since you stay you are "smart, young , and very mature" , you probably
already know the answer and just want some re-enforcement that you
are thinking along the right lines for your future.

I wish you the very best and hope you get it all worked
out before the baby gets here.

[stargazer]

You are an extremely young person.. I will be honest at 20 you should never have gotten married and heavens to to a person of that age.. but as it goes you are and you are having his baby. My advice to you is to stick it out for the child's sake... your life is not about YOU anymore, it will be all for the well being of your child. If he is NOT a horrible person, abusive in any fashion and is happy about having a child, then HE NEEDS TO BE in your child's life.... You also need to get him to get a JOB and tell him he needs to be working to make money. Sounds like too he could be suffering from low self esteem? Regardless he is in a unhealthy state of being and needs to get to a healthy lifestyle.

Hey I wish my husband would want to kiss me every 5 minutes....

[**NoodLes**]

Also you just got married this summer, its not even 2008 yet, honestly I never understood the point of marriage. In the end you will only be punishing your child, we all make mistakes, nobodys perfect and also what do you expect a man to do after only being married less than 6 months. Would you rather he cheat on you, it sounds like that's what you want him to do so you can put the blame all on him.