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I've been on a couple online dating sites for a close to a year now and haven't had much luck. However, I recently connected with a guy who seems legit. We've each exchanged several very long emails on the dating site and have chatted on the phone a few times. Also texted as well. We have a date set up soon. In these emails, some personal things have been asked about me, such as whether I want kids, what I do for a living, what my hobbies/interests are, and general questions about my family (e.g. how many siblings, etc). The feeling that I am getting from him is that he's definitely ready to settle down and get married and have kids. Not that I don't want that as long as it's with the right person, but I'm wondering if I should be concerned at all that he might be moving too fast, i.e. thinking too far ahead of himself. I'm not at all exaggerating when I say that he's already started thinking way ahead in terms of future travel plans. Anyway, I know there's not always a clear cut answer when it comes to dating/online dating, but just wondering in general how much info should be exchanged prior to the first date and how much info is too much?
You haven't met this person yet. Try meeting him/her first before you spend so much time thinking about this.
You haven't met this person yet. Try meeting him/her first before you spend so much time thinking about this.
It usually has to be chemistry over the phone before meeting face to face. The conversation flow over the phone determines if you want to meet the person face to face. I have exchanged numbers with women I am attracted to and after speaking to them on the phone I had no interest in a face to face meeting.
Not to sound prude or anything--maybe I just don't know too much about some Dos and Don'ts of online dating--but he asked me what my last name is and I jokingly said he'd find out eventually. Honestly when it comes to online dating and meeting someone for the first time, I'm all about safety first. Once he knows my full name, a simple search on the internet using my full name, city of residence, and my profession can give away my exact work location. I'm not okay with that. Am I being unreasonable not wanting to tell him my last name before we ever even meet?
Nope. Nothing wrong with that at all. Most men do give me their full name, and rarely ask for mine. Not sure why it always seems to work out that way, but it does. If they asked, I would probably tell them I would let them know when I felt that I knew them well enough.
Originally Posted by timberline742 This is a big fat negative. I'd drop it right now and not meet him. Dude sounds off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinecraft
I think this is where I'm headed. Ceece said above that "you have to go with your gut" and my gut is telling me to move on.
Starting this thread did give some great info about my original question, so thanks for all the replies. It's nice to come to a place and get unbiased opinions. I have one girlfriend in particular who will probably want to kill me for dropping this guy so soon. But then again, she's someone who has gone on a first date with an online guy to a weekend away, which just seems crazy and dangerous to me.
I think you did the right thing.
You also might want to google red flag lists, or warning signs of abusers, because he is hitting a lot of those -- instant intensity, controlling, ignoring your safety concerns, etc. A teenaged guy might do some of that stuff out of ignorance, but not a guy who is 32.
All the concerns I had and the red flags with the anti-coffee attitude turned out to be valid. Glad I went with my gut and had several people on here say there was something off with him. That time when he asked me what my last name was, he also told me his (probably expecting that if he gave his, I'd tell him mine). Thankfully I did not budge in giving that info. After the whole anti-coffee attitude, I decided to Google him after all. In this situation, the internet turned out to be a huge help (on the flip side, it's a bit scary how much info can be found out on the www with just a person's first and last name). I came across his resume on one of those professional networking sites and discovered that he actually lied to me about where he had gone to college (and yep, I'm certain it's his because the other info matches up with what he'd told me and his name is not generic enough where there's a chance it could be someone else). Instead of going to the particular well-renowned school he had told me to get his MBA, he actually never even completed a four-year degree! I'm quite discouraged and put off by OLD now. Seems anyone could lie about anything, which is very sad.
Last edited by Cinecraft; 09-20-2014 at 03:58 PM..
Reason: typos
All the concerns I had and the red flags with the anti-coffee attitude turned to be valid. Glad I went with my gut and had several people on here say there was something off with him. That time when he asked me what my last name was, he also told me his (probably expecting that if he gave his, I'd tell him mine). Thankfully I did not budge in giving that info. After the whole anti-coffee attitude, I decided to Google him after all. In this situation, the internet turned out to be a huge help (on the flip side, it's a bit scary how much info can be found out on the www with just a person's first and last name). I came across his resume on one of those professional networking sites and discovered that he actually lied to me about where he had gone to college (and yep, I'm certain it's his because the other info matches up with what he'd told me and his name is not generic enough where there's a chance it could be someone else). Instead of going to the particular well-renowned school he had told me to get his MBA, he actually never even completed a four-year degree! I'm quite discouraged and put off by OLD now. Seems anyone could like about anything, which is very sad.
Ummm...you seriously are going to take that at face value? Really? Wow. Sorry to tell you, the internet doesn't necessarily have everyone's data exactly 100% correct. And where someone got their degree, or didn't, is hardly reason to blow off someone.
Ummm...you seriously are going to take that at face value? Really? Wow. Sorry to tell you, the internet doesn't necessarily have everyone's data exactly 100% correct. And where someone got their degree, or didn't, is hardly reason to blow off someone.
I'm capable of making wrong judgements about people/things like anyone else and I'm not naive enough to believe everything that is on the internet, but there is more than just this resume (which is very detailed, I might add, and the timeline does not fit what he has told me about himself). If you've followed my prior concern as well, you would see that the degree issue wasn't what made me skeptical of him in the first place. It was the fact that he wouldn't accept my suggestion of coffee as a first date, for whatever reason.
@ChessieMom: I think when people lie on their resumes they make their credentials better, not worse, than reality .
@Cinecraft: The stuff you wrote about earlier is the biggest deal. His schooling is less so -- I think you agree, and I agree with you that it's all part of a pattern.
I'm capable of making wrong judgements about people/things like anyone else and I'm not naive enough to believe everything that is on the internet, but there is more than just this resume (which is very detailed, I might add, and the timeline does not fit what he has told me about himself). If you've followed my prior concern as well, you would see that the degree issue wasn't what made me skeptical of him in the first place. It was the fact that he wouldn't accept my suggestion of coffee as a first date, for whatever reason.
@Cinecraft: The stuff you wrote about earlier is the biggest deal. His schooling is less so -- I think you agree, and I agree with you that it's all part of a pattern.
I'm glad he doesn't know your last name.
Thanks, I am too. And yep, it definitely isn't the education thing alone that made me stop further communication. It is as you said--that these are part of a pattern that makes my gut feel that something is off with him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FBJ
what did he want to do besides coffee?
I'll quote from my earlier post:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinecraft
...he actually suggested ideas that were going to require hours of time, e.g. spending a full day at a popular lake and then dinner after, hiking (because we both enjoy hiking), a weekend road trip(!). Of those, the only portion that sounds remotely reasonable is the dinner part (minus lake). I have never and would never go on a first date with someone I never met to a secluded place, so in following the rule of safety, I said those ideas would be fun for future dates but that I think meeting coffee and/or breakfast would be nice for a first date and I'd enjoy it. He basically shot down the idea and said that that doesn't seem like a date to him and that it's not romantic for a first date. When I countered again and said I didn't agree, he still said the same...
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