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If it's not easy on them, it's there own doing. They tend to make their own trouble going after the hot guys and soon learn they're not the only one in the rotation they withdraw.
So only men are allowed to go after women who they find attractive?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LunaticVillage
A big mistake we make as young adults is looking for women/men in the bar scene. This is a horrible place to meet someone. I hung out in bars and clubs for years trying to find women. I wasted most of my 20's doing just that. Although I did get dates occasionally, it was usually beer goggles that allowed me to meet someone, who didn't meet my insanely high physical beauty standards, who showed me their beautiful kind judgement-free personality I would have never got to know otherwise. But even that was only once in very many years of wasting time in bars and clubs looking for love.
It would be better to meet someone in a more quiet, wholesome and down-to-earth environment where people dedicate their thoughts and actions to positive, altruistic and constructive things (i.e. church, volunteering, school, various clubs and organizations).
I don't have time to read 24 pages but I wanted to weigh in on this subject.
Obviously I don't have the dating experience of a man, since I am a female, but as a single female, I think dating is EXTREMELY hard!!
To start, there are too many rules. Are women supposed to sit back and let the man come to us because history tells us men are supposed to be the pursuers? And how do I express interest without seeming desperate and viewed as a booty call? What is the "proper" way to express interest? Am I allowed to call first? Am I allowed to ask them out on a date?
That is one of my biggest issues. I came from a broken family and my mom was the supporter. I learned from an early age what hard work was and that if I wanted something, I had to go out and earn it. The idea of needing a man for support or anything a long those lines was never instilled in me. I feel like that only hurts me as most of my guy friends tell me that I'm intimidating because I am a smart women who is successful in my career and is extremely independent.
Then there is the issue of physical attraction. Don't get me wrong - I think I'm a very attractive female. But I would label myself as more "beautiful" than "hot". I'm a guy's girl. I love playing and watching sports. I'd much rather wear workout clothes than 6-inch heels on a daily basis. I want to go eat a cheeseburger and drink a beer and not worry that I'm not "skinny" enough. BUT, at least in my city, I feel like there is so much pressure to look "perfect" all the time. I feel like I'm constantly competing with big, fake breasted women who probably get lipo on a daily basis. While I'm over here doing 2-a-days at the gym, hoping to see just one little ab poke through. I want to look like an average girl every once in a while and not feel bad about it. It just seems like guys go after the "perfect" girls, knowing there really isn't anything past the "perfection" - no conversation, no brains, no interests, etc.
There just seems to be too much focus on the initial attraction, rather than the depth someone has.
At least you are honest about it, pathetic as it may be.
The fact that you think your time is being wasted getting to know another human instead of being guaranteed sex makes you seem to have the maturity level of about a fifteen-year-old. If you just want sex and don't care about the person you are dating, why don't you just spend the money you would on a date on a prostitute? I am not being sarcastic, it is an honest question. If you have no interest in getting to know a woman as a person first, you really are not a person who is interested in dating or relationships in the first place, are you. You just need a place to stick your little wienie. You should pay for that. Both parties know then what the contract is, and some poor girl isn't thinking you are really interested in more than one part of her.
By the way, sex is not affection so it sounds as if you're a little confused there, too.
How do you know that he has a small weenie? Just curious.
It just seems like guys go after the "perfect" girls, knowing there really isn't anything past the "perfection" - no conversation, no brains, no interests, etc.
There just seems to be too much focus on the initial attraction, rather than the depth someone has.
End rant
I see a pattern on threads like this. When women post that dating is hard for the average or below-average ones, someone says, "My gf says she gets hit on everywhere she goes." What those posters don't realize is they're confirming the bias toward looks the women are complaining about. It means they pick gf's who are babes, or well above average. The other thing that happens is dudes respond by saying, "Women sabotage themselves by being fat" or "Women sabotage themselves by going after the wrong guys." "Women shouldn't be passive, they should approach, or quit complaining."
IME, it's not the fat women who have trouble dating. Some probably do, but so do thin women. And the feedback I get is that they're being friendly, talking with randoms, but it doesn't go anywhere. They don't look for hot guys, they're just giving out positive vibes into the general environment, smiling and talking to whoever's there in the check-out line, or at the refreshment concession stand at the concert, at a party, or whatever, wherever. They're trying, but not getting anywhere. They can be cool to talk to, but if the visual aspect isn't there, like sweetjess said, it's not gonna do them any good, in most instances.
The deal is, we're all gonna strike out most of the time, male and female. It's to be expected, because a certain percentage of the people we approach are taken. Of those that aren't, at least half, but usually most (unless the guy or gal who's approaching is especially attractive) are looking for "their" type. They're looking for classy, but the person approaching is casual or hipster. They're looking for arty-creative, but the one approaching is conventional. The dude is looking for curvy, but the approacher doesn't measure up.
That's just life, people. It's gonna be challenging for most individuals of whatever gender. And by the roll of the cosmic dice, it's gonna be easier for the ones who were first in line when good looks were being handed out. Everyone else has to figure out how to rise above what they were dealt. Women didn't get a special deal, they're in the trenches with the rest of us. No free pass, as far as I can tell.
Last edited by NewbiePoster; 09-23-2014 at 09:46 AM..
Guys have it way better! I can't imagine how someone could think the opposite. Let me count the ways:
1. We don't have to worry much about our physical security when alone with a date.
2. The consequences (social and physical) are generally much less severe if we engage in reckless behavior
3. Less stringent reproductive schedule
4. Less barriers to balancing work/relationships (in many circles)
5. No social incentive for women to try and "play" us for sex
6. Bad habits/hygiene slightly more socially acceptable
7. 99%+ "success" rate for sexual encounters
I am sure I could list many more if I thought about it.
If it's not easy on them, it's there own doing. They tend to make their own trouble going after the hot guys and soon learn they're not the only one in the rotation they withdraw.
That's their own fault. Besides women choose their boyfriend's and husbands.
Anyone at any time can be passed over by someone they want because that person doesn't want them back. Doesn't matter why because people don't know why they were rejected 99.9% of the time. They just assume they know and the assumption is always, quite conveniently, their insecurity.
A guy who's insecure about his wealth will assume he doesn't get women because he's not rolling in dough. A guy who's insecure about his height will assume he doesn't get women because he's not 6'5". A guy who's insecure about his job will assume he doesn't get women because he's not more successful.
People need to explain rejection. They need to assign a reason to it in order to process it and react and that's fine. What's depressing is that people are conditioned to such insipid, coffee table approaches to dating that they're incapable of considering they might have been rejected for some reason other than what they have a bug up their own butt about or something other than this very limited view of "it's either money, status, or looks!"
Twice as depressing is that they've convinced themselves of the validity in that so profusely that it's the only way they can reconcile relationships they see that they don't "understand". Wait, how come that other short dude has a hot girlfriend? He must have tons of money. Hmm, how come that other dude working at Burger King has a hot girlfriend? It must be because he has more muscles than I do.
And when they can't force reality to fit into that tiny box of dating logic, when they look at a couple and just don't "get" why they're together, they can't just accept that maybe dating isn't as stupidly cut and dry as they think. Maybe people come together for a lot of other reasons too.
And that even if their reasons are the same, those reasons are relative because the definition of attractive, of successful, of wealthy are all SUBJECTIVE. Maybe you fancy yourself an attractive guy because you're tall and in shape. Good for you. It doesn't mean every woman agrees. There will still be plenty who look at you and think, "He's not my type."
Maybe they don't like your face. Maybe they don't like how you walk or your voice or how you smell. Maybe they just get a weird vibe from you. Maybe they prefer someone of a different color. Who knows?
It amazes me that anyone could ever think they're inherently a catch in one aspect or another to the extent of being puzzled why someone wouldn't want them or rather not considering that this thing they think is an objective pro may not be. Not only is it too basic, it's strangely egotistical.
Let's all be honest. If you rejected someone and they said, "Um, how could you possibly reject me? I'm hot/have money/am important/etc?" Wouldn't you think that was an obnoxious opinion to have of themselves? To think some self-valued trait elevates them above your individual taste?
There are people out there whose dating standards are as rigid and simplistic as "I'm not attracted to brunettes". And there you might be, brunette in full, and get rejected by them and immediately think, "Ugh, it's because I'm too fat/too skinny/too short/too tall. It's because I wasn't dressed right/wear glasses/wasn't more assertive/was too aggressive".
There are people out there whose dating standards can't be pinned down because they're just attracted to whatever they're attracted to. I've been turned off in one person by the very same things I was turned on by in someone else.
Why is it really this hard for people to stop simplifying something that's not simple? There is no trait that will guarantee you will find someone you want to be with and no trait that will guarantee that person will want you back once you do find them, not even being rich and famous, not even being an international supermodel.
And I'm not directed any of this at you, I'm just using your quote as the starting point for the comment.
Most of the time, I knew why I was rejected. And I knew it had nothing to do with looks most of the time because I do not approach women unless they give me noverbal cues to approach them like consistent eye contact, smiling back when I smile at them etc. If a woman is purposely not making eye contact with you before you approach, its usually not worth it 90% of the time because you more often that not will be rejected because she is making nonverbal cues that she is not attracted to you or not looking.
Last time I was kinda sorta rejected by a girl who was up to my physical standards, she turned out to be a blatant gold digger type. She was making eye contact with me, and she was the first to speak to me when I got close enough to her. I met her at the local bar (bad place to meet a woman, but not impossible to meet a good girl there) during a Superbowl party. She asked me if I had a college degree and if I had a good job doing what I went to school for. Then she said that she was looking for a guy to "take care of her" financially. She said that she would be up front in that before she got involved with anyone. I asked her what her job was and if she had a college degree. She worked at a supermarket for some low wage and didn't have a college degree but expected me to have a six figure job. Of course I lied to her and said I had a great job, after all she was drop dead gorgeous, and I gave her my number, but she never called. We were both pretty drunk by the end of the night. I saw her later a few months later at another bar and she was still acting very into me, but she was playing massive head games telling me she would approach me when she wanted to talk to me later in the night.
Being rejected by some women, you get no feedback like after a job interview. Other women will tell you that they are looking for someone to take care of them, someone with a ton of money or some will rudely tell you that they don't like men of your racial background or whatever. This is especially common in the shallow bar scene where people have been drinking. But everybody is different. There is someone for everybody.
That's their own fault. Besides women choose their boyfriend's and husbands.
And the boyfriend and husbands choose the women. People chose each other. If someone approaches, they chose to go after the person they're approaching, so apparently, they wanted them. And if the person approached is interested, they chose to get involved. So, men and women are equal-any couples chose each other, unless a gun was held to their head, or blackmail was involved.
Your girlfriend chose you, and you chose her. She approached, and you accepted.
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Of course I lied to her and said I had a great job, after all she was drop dead gorgeous, and I gave her my number, but she never called. We were both pretty drunk by the end of the night. I saw her later a few months later at another bar and she was still acting very into me, but she was playing massive head games telling me she would approach me when she wanted to talk to me later in the night. 
