Need advice. (boyfriends, girl, family, kissing)

[miu]

You said that you are shy by nature. Part of her appeal to you is that she is nice to you and you feel comfortable around her. Maybe she has a younger girlfriend that would be a good match for you and you all could double date?

I think it understandable that you like your brother's girlfriend so much. You and your brother have a lot of similar tastes and values, so of course you would approve and like his girlfriend a lot.

[goldenmom7500]

Hey,

This is a tough one, just in terms of what to advise you to do. I just ... don't think that she is going to say that yes, she has similar feelings for you. I just haven't heard anything to indicate that she's crossed a line beyond kindness and warm 'appropriate' affection. And I think you know that that wouldn't work out anyhow.

So what I'm wondering about in my head is if you think anything else helpful would come of just telling her that you have feelings for her. Like, just getting it out in the open so that you don't feel like you're going crazy. [I don't want to sound patronizing, but I have told a couple of the teachers at my daughter's elementary school that she is 'in love' with them just in that way that you say something like that, just so that they will be extra delicate with her feelings, give her extra waves, tell her she's wearing an extra cute shirt, that kind of thing]. It just might help to get it out in the open, especially if it won't hurt, if you sort of know what to expect and your brother won't disown you.

Clearly you can't pursue this, but it doesn't sound like you expect to pursue it. Am I understanding this somewhat correctly?

If I tell you this will pass, that you'll find someone else, you'll say no ... because we've all been there and we all felt that way and I think we all said that. I think it's *part* of the hormonal swings of being 19, but still it happens at all ages. It is somewhat rare to have very strong feelings like this, but only rare in an "every few years" sense - not in a "once in a lifetime" sense.

[Clutch718]

Originally Posted by DiamondD

It's one thing to be around her with other family members present for holiday gatherings. It's another to be around them kissing and touching. You know the difference, you know your motives. If you're this absorbed in the woman, it is an obsession, and that is not healthy, for either you or your relations with your brother. Ask a counselor for their input.

It's extremely depressing.

[Clutch718]

Originally Posted by pirate girl

Don't do it- you'll just create a very embarassing situation for yourself. Even if she wasn't your brother's girlfriend, she is eleven years older than you- that's a massive age difference right now.

Keep your distance for the time being and most important, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. She could be the woman of you brother's dreams and you don't want to make waves for them- she could be around for the rest of your life- as your brother's wife, as the mother of your future nieces and nephews. The last thing you want is to feel uncomfortable because you made a move on her.

I promise you, there is a girl for you out there. Go find her.

My brother's girlfriend kind of came to me. I don't really search for love, I expect it to come to me. That's why it was the more convenient.

I don't want to be one of those losers who keeps getting turned down at clubs, bars, whatever.

[Clutch718]

Originally Posted by miu

You said that you are shy by nature. Part of her appeal to you is that she is nice to you and you feel comfortable around her. Maybe she has a younger girlfriend that would be a good match for you and you all could double date?

I think it understandable that you like your brother's girlfriend so much. You and your brother have a lot of similar tastes and values, so of course you would approve and like his girlfriend a lot.

I'd like to let her know how I feel. Maybe then, just walk away.

[Clutch718]

Originally Posted by goldenmom7500

Hey,

This is a tough one, just in terms of what to advise you to do. I just ... don't think that she is going to say that yes, she has similar feelings for you. I just haven't heard anything to indicate that she's crossed a line beyond kindness and warm 'appropriate' affection. And I think you know that that wouldn't work out anyhow.

So what I'm wondering about in my head is if you think anything else helpful would come of just telling her that you have feelings for her. Like, just getting it out in the open so that you don't feel like you're going crazy. [I don't want to sound patronizing, but I have told a couple of the teachers at my daughter's elementary school that she is 'in love' with them just in that way that you say something like that, just so that they will be extra delicate with her feelings, give her extra waves, tell her she's wearing an extra cute shirt, that kind of thing]. It just might help to get it out in the open, especially if it won't hurt, if you sort of know what to expect and your brother won't disown you.

Clearly you can't pursue this, but it doesn't sound like you expect to pursue it. Am I understanding this somewhat correctly?

If I tell you this will pass, that you'll find someone else, you'll say no ... because we've all been there and we all felt that way and I think we all said that. I think it's *part* of the hormonal swings of being 19, but still it happens at all ages. It is somewhat rare to have very strong feelings like this, but only rare in an "every few years" sense - not in a "once in a lifetime" sense.

You got it all down.
I know what to expect, but I just don't want to continue hanging out with her like it's friendly for the both of us. I'd like to let her know what's been going on in my head. The frustration of loving somebody who you know won't love you back just bends the mind. It's unbelievably hard.

[Jadel812]

There are certain lines that you just don't cross when it comes to relationships. She is your brother's girlfriend and whether or not they break up, you need to keep your distance. Ask yourself, is this girl worth losing the relationship you have with your brother? If it were to come out about your feelings for her and even if you two were to have a relationship it will be quite awkward. Not only that, your brother will NEVER EVER TRUST YOU again. Is it worth all that? You are infatuated by her and the feelings you are feeling is typical with a younger guy attractive older woman syndrome. I suggest you forget about her and find a hobby to occupy your mind.
If you tell her she will also distance herself from you and would probably be scared to treat you as the younger brother se views you as. Please don't bother with her, it's not worth the turmoil that it will cause in your family nor is it worth losing your brother's trust.

[goldenmom7500]

Originally Posted by Jadel812

There are certain lines that you just don't cross when it comes to relationships. She is your brother's girlfriend and whether or not they break up, you need to keep your distance. Ask yourself, is this girl worth losing the relationship you have with your brother? If it were to come out about your feelings for her and even if you two were to have a relationship it will be quite awkward. Not only that, your brother will NEVER EVER TRUST YOU again. Is it worth all that? You are infatuated by her and the feelings you are feeling is typical with a younger guy attractive older woman syndrome. I suggest you forget about her and find a hobby to occupy your mind.
If you tell her she will also distance herself from you and would probably be scared to treat you as the younger brother se views you as. Please don't bother with her, it's not worth the turmoil that it will cause in your family nor is it worth losing your brother's trust.

Under many scenarios, I would also worry about the relationship with the brother - but from the description here it sounds like clutch is saying he's perceived as the "annoying little brother" (i.e. not a threat). My bigger worry is that I don't know if she has the right emotional makeup to handle his feelings and to say the right things to help him through this. I tend not to think it's going to be one of these big deals, a la "While You were Sleeping". The brothers are just too far in age, and I think clutch is working through his feelings which are strong and new to him, not trying to have an affair with his brother's girlfriend.

[Marlow]

Hmmm, why am I humming "Jessie's Girl????"

Anyway, you have a mega-crush on a girl who is, at this time, unattainable. You need to focus on your life and going away to college and meeting your own honey. Don't confess to her or your brother. And when you do meet a girl, don't start comparing her to Miss Unattainable. Nothing good will come from that.

You're just going to have to be a man and suck it up.

[Marinacusa]

She probably just looks at you as the little brother and has some maternal feelings for you. She is a lot older and with your brother.
Find something else to focus your attention on. There are a million girls. One is of you.....just not that one!