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If he wants what you want, then telling him all the stuff I quoted here will do the opposite of scaring him off -- it will make him want to get closer to you.
Thank you for this perspective - I think you are totally right!!! Guess I will find out soon.
He is not treating you like he wants a serious relationship. It appears that you are only a FWB to him. Hold the discussion and the sex and see what happens. When a man wants you for a serious relationship, you will know because he will treat you like he wants you for more than just sex.
I won't be having sex with him until I get a bit more clarity, but I don't plan to hold off both, either. I really appreciate your perspective, though.
Honestly, it's a combination of things, but I usually will have sex with a guy before I feel out whether or not I'd want to be in a serious relationship with him. Maybe it's my high sex drive, maybe it's a slight fear of commitment that I have... I'm not sure. I'm more comfortable with my sexuality than I am with my vulnerability, that is for sure. Definitely am trying to work through it and change this pattern though, because I do want a deep, lasting relationship.
But as for this specific guy... it's too late for that, thus my predicament.
Do not take it as moral policing statement but as a suggestion only: try not to sleep before there is some sort of a deeper understanding of the other person which then gets solidified by that act. This will allow for better outcomes for you.
Early stage of dating you both need time to figure out what you both want. So give a bit of time try to understand who he is what kind of a person is. Don't assume things.
Not all men and women your age (or any age) see the purpose of dating as "pairing off". If your objective is to pair off, then tell him that and ask him what his objectives in dating are.
He is not treating you like he wants a serious relationship. It appears that you are only a FWB to him. Hold the discussion and the sex and see what happens. When a man wants you for a serious relationship, you will know because he will treat you like he wants you for more than just sex.
Except that, if he is interested in long term, "withholding" sex might cause him to believe that sex will be used as a weapon down the road, and a lot of guys will just say "f--- this" and leave, even if they might have otherwise been interested in more.
Why not just try to start a more deep, emotional conversation with him? Nothing TOO out there, just something more than "what movies/music do you like" type stuff.
If he wants what you want, then telling him all the stuff I quoted here will do the opposite of scaring him off -- it will make him want to get closer to you.
I agree - this will help clarify things. If he runs, it wasn't going to happen anyway.
Hah - I swear I've been in this dilemma so many times as a woman. Dating someone and you really start to like them and see relationship potential, but you have no clue if he's on the same page and you don't want to come across as needy by initiating a where is this going conversation. I think if a guy is really into you he will initiate the conversation or bring up being exclusive because the last thing he wants is for someone else to come along and take you away from him. But, a month is still not that long. I think I would hang in there awhile longer. I think guys appreciate women who have their own lives and give them a little breathing room. I hope things work out for you!
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