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1. The talk about moving in together is very premature. You haven't even been through a full set of seasons.
2. Your past relationships are none of his business. You do not owe him any further explanation. Once you said that yes, you dated the other guy, he should have shut up and left it alone, and when he asked you about whether you had sex with the other guy, you should have told him that further details were none of his business. Unfortunately, the cat is out of the bag, and now your boyfriend is showing you that he is a tool more concerned with how quickly you satisfied his penis than how well he gets along with you. That he is busy comparing "wait times" with the other guy means he is nowhere near as mature as necessary to live with someone.
3. That you don't see this and have to ask strangers on a message board about it means you're not experienced enough or mature enough to move in with someone, yourself.
If you want to continue dating this guy, tell him that your past sexual encounters are between you and the people you had them with. If he doesn't like that, he can take a flying leap at a rolling donut.
This is right on the money......if the guy you're talking about is over the age of 35. I don't know any guys that would have accepted this approach when they were in their 20s. Most of the guys I know that are well into their 30s or older would be fine with your approach.
A twenty something male likely has too much ego and not enough confidence/self-awareness. You can tear him down and call him immature and whatever, but the guys you're suggesting the OP should be with are all going to be 40 years old.
He then asked why we waited a while to get intimate and again I was truthful and told him I thought what we have is special and really meaningful so I didn't want to jump into "things" quickly.
He just doesn't seem to get this. He sees it sort of opposite and feels weird. I don't know how else to explain it to him. To the guys here, is this how guys think? Also, to the women here, how can I better explain it to him? It's sort of started to affect us and I want him and me to be like before.
Some men don't really understand the bolded.
They think because they are a man with a penis, and he was a man with a penis, they should all be treated equally. These types of men think with their penis. Fine one that actually uses his brain and you won't have this problem.
He needs to grow up. You gave him a very reasonable and honest explanation and that should be enough. You don't mention whether he was a virgin or not when you met (!) or whether he gave you any details on his past. If not, this seems very one-sided and would point to some red flags. Jealous for a minute or two, fine - but beyond that and it's wrong of him or at the least means you're not compatible. After all, you can't change your past so he either needs to accept it or move on (or you move on!). Definitely wait before moving in with him - maintain your independence!
I know some people are all about being open but I think its a bad idea, nothing good comes of talking about the past, people can't help but get images in their head of their loved one with someone else. In the grand scheme of things this was before you were with him, you really have nothing to explian, if he can't get past this its his issue to deal with or leave the relationship. As far as not telling him, if asked be honest but who goes out of their way to tell people stuff like that.
I wonder if there is anything that is the reversal for women in this case? A man that has no problem taking another woman out to dinner and entertainment, but then is cheap as hell with you for the first 3 months because he thinks you are special?
I did tell him about building emotional intimacy as you suggested. He was all for that but he doesn't get why we waited to be intimate. And yes, the other guy is good looking but that was about it if you know what I mean.
Some guys do not get that people wait awhile for intimacy because they think that person is important and they don't want sex to complicate things negatively. Basically the person/potential relationship is more important than any instant gratification.
Some guys just want to pout because all they see is you gave another dog a treat, sooner than they got theirs.
It's very immature not to realize all relationships are different and you wanted different things at different times, or because of what you thought of the person you were dating.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost half a year. Recently we started to talk about moving in together and getting serious. Yay!!! Anyway to make a long story short, he recently was told that I was with a guy he's heard of. That guy has a rep and it's not good. He asked me if we dated and I said yes but that it didn't mean anything and was for a really short period of time. Of course he asked if I slept with him. I didn't want to lie so I said yes but again emphasized that it didn't mean anything. He then asked why we waited a while to get intimate and again I was truthful and told him I thought what we have is special and really meaningful so I didn't want to jump into "things" quickly.
He just doesn't seem to get this. He sees it sort of opposite and feels weird. I don't know how else to explain it to him. To the guys here, is this how guys think? Also, to the women here, how can I better explain it to him? It's sort of started to affect us and I want him and me to be like before.
6 months and already moving in? Interesting...
How long did you wait to have sex? Moving in together is a big step and he clearly doesn't want you sleeping around, especially with guys with a "rap." I personally would never ask a question like this simply because I have far better screening "techniques" that do not require directly asking you a question in particular, like what he asked for example. The way he asked just stemmed from insecurity. So, how long did you wait to have sex with him and are you having sex with him now?
I wonder if there is anything that is the reversal for women in this case? A man that has no problem taking another woman out to dinner and entertainment, but then is cheap as hell with you for the first 3 months because he thinks you are special?
Probably. Perhaps the guy stops the whole dinner and a movie things, and decides to ask her hiking. Because he likes her, enjoys her company, and wants to share something he enjoys. Meaning he stops the seduction routine, and starts wanting to know her as a person.
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Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
I wonder if there is anything that is the reversal for women in this case? A man that has no problem taking another woman out to dinner and entertainment, but then is cheap as hell with you for the first 3 months because he thinks you are special?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
Probably. Perhaps the guy stops the whole dinner and a movie things, and decides to ask her hiking. Because he likes her, enjoys her company, and wants to share something he enjoys. Meaning he stops the seduction routine, and starts wanting to know her as a person.
Yeah...see now I would prefer that!
I guess men and women don't see this particular issue the same way. A man that throws stuff at you (gifts, expensive dinners..etc) in the beginning to impress just seems off the mark...like he's trying to buy you. I would never be interested in someone like that.
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