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Old 10-03-2014, 06:35 PM
 
8 posts, read 9,940 times
Reputation: 17

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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost half a year. Recently we started to talk about moving in together and getting serious. Yay!!! Anyway to make a long story short, he recently was told that I was with a guy he's heard of. That guy has a rep and it's not good. He asked me if we dated and I said yes but that it didn't mean anything and was for a really short period of time. Of course he asked if I slept with him. I didn't want to lie so I said yes but again emphasized that it didn't mean anything. He then asked why we waited a while to get intimate and again I was truthful and told him I thought what we have is special and really meaningful so I didn't want to jump into "things" quickly.

He just doesn't seem to get this. He sees it sort of opposite and feels weird. I don't know how else to explain it to him. To the guys here, is this how guys think? Also, to the women here, how can I better explain it to him? It's sort of started to affect us and I want him and me to be like before.

 
Old 10-03-2014, 06:41 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,376 posts, read 41,922,817 times
Reputation: 83333
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatieG14 View Post
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost half a year. Recently we started to talk about moving in together and getting serious. Yay!!! Anyway to make a long story short, he recently was told that I was with a guy he's heard of. That guy has a rep and it's not good. He asked me if we dated and I said yes but that it didn't mean anything and was for a really short period of time. Of course he asked if I slept with him. I didn't want to lie so I said yes but again emphasized that it didn't mean anything. He then asked why we waited a while to get intimate and again I was truthful and told him I thought what we have is special and really meaningful so I didn't want to jump into "things" quickly.

He just doesn't seem to get this. He sees it sort of opposite and feels weird. I don't know how else to explain it to him. To the guys here, is this how guys think? Also, to the women here, how can I better explain it to him? It's sort of started to affect us and I want him and me to be like before.
1) It sounds like he is jealous because he knows that guy. It makes it easier to picture, which is harder to get over. You cannot change that.

Act normal. You have a past. I assume he does too.

2) Do NOT move in together.
 
Old 10-03-2014, 06:44 PM
 
Location: Sango, TN
24,889 posts, read 21,072,627 times
Reputation: 8620
I'm not sure, no I don't think that way. We all have one night stands and short flings just to get back in the swing of things. You obviously wanted this guy to think more of you.

My opinion is, he sees this guy as better looking then him, or possibly having a better game, so its a threat to his masculinity. I don't think thats any reason to do anything rash with your current boyfriend, but my advice is to put on some sexy nighty and do something extra special for him tonight that you don't normally do with other guys. Make him feel special, throw some of that loud loving on him.
 
Old 10-03-2014, 06:45 PM
 
Location: Earth
4,565 posts, read 3,802,888 times
Reputation: 6911
Well, going on some guys here, when a woman puts out quickly for one guy, and makes another wait, the one waiting is the chump she's using for security, and the guy she put out fast for is the one she's hot for.

It's not popular when guys know you slept with others easily, or casually, then try to make them wait, because it seems like a lie. One poster stated "trying to pose as a good girl."

If I understand correctly from older threads

As for explaining, you could tell him it was just lust, pure attraction, and you didn't want him for a relationship. But him, not only were you attracted, but saw him as a guy you could be serious with and maybe love, thus you wanted to build your emotional intimacy, and get closer non-sexually first. You took your time with him, because you felt he was worth your time.

But, who knows if he'll accept that.
 
Old 10-03-2014, 06:59 PM
 
8 posts, read 9,940 times
Reputation: 17
I did tell him about building emotional intimacy as you suggested. He was all for that but he doesn't get why we waited to be intimate. And yes, the other guy is good looking but that was about it if you know what I mean.
 
Old 10-03-2014, 07:05 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
14,698 posts, read 8,501,199 times
Reputation: 29413
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
1) It sounds like he is jealous because he knows that guy. It makes it easier to picture, which is harder to get over. You cannot change that.

Act normal. You have a past. I assume he does too.

2) Do NOT move in together.
This, this, and this. I will reemphasize something Wmsn4Life posted. Do NOT move in with your boyfriend. You have nothing to gain by living with him, especially if he's the jealous type.
 
Old 10-03-2014, 07:13 PM
 
Location: Montana
783 posts, read 642,038 times
Reputation: 1296
You don't have to answer but just think to yourself. How long did you wait before being intimate with the hot guy? How long did you wait before being intimate with him? Vanillachocolate got it right.

With guys it is a little tricky when it comes to sex and a bit of a double standard. We like women to be prude with everyone but us. It bothers us when a girl hops into the sack with some other guy right away but makes us work and wait for it. It also doesn't help if the other guy is a known player or a guy that we don't like. It comes down to women dropping their panties for the bad boys and making us work for something they gave away to some other dude that we don't like or respect.
 
Old 10-03-2014, 07:16 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
138 posts, read 128,042 times
Reputation: 338
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate View Post
Well, going on some guys here, when a woman puts out quickly for one guy, and makes another wait, the one waiting is the chump she's using for security, and the guy she put out fast for is the one she's hot for.

It's not popular when guys know you slept with others easily, or casually, then try to make them wait, because it seems like a lie. One poster stated "trying to pose as a good girl."

If I understand correctly from older threads

As for explaining, you could tell him it was just lust, pure attraction, and you didn't want him for a relationship. But him, not only were you attracted, but saw him as a guy you could be serious with and maybe love, thus you wanted to build your emotional intimacy, and get closer non-sexually first. You took your time with him, because you felt he was worth your time.

But, who knows if he'll accept that.
For the love of all that's holy DO NOT tell him it was just lust. That'll just feed the jealousy. Tell him it was a mistake and go with the idea of doing something special for him that can be just his.
 
Old 10-03-2014, 07:18 PM
 
1,728 posts, read 1,333,287 times
Reputation: 1080
It sounds like the both of you are quite young.

You can tell him that you have always heard that guys do not respect girls who put out too quickly, and the guys will often not want to be in a relationship with a girl like that. With the other guy you really didn't care about that because you weren't in love with him.

Then tell him that with him you were afraid he was going to look down on you and would not want to be with you in a relationship if you put out too quickly, so you waited because you totally love him unlike the other guy. Make sure to also add that you really, really wanted to have sex with him sooner, but because of all that other stuff you had to fight that urge, and tell him it was so hard doing that.
 
Old 10-03-2014, 07:33 PM
 
8 posts, read 9,940 times
Reputation: 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashleynj View Post
It sounds like the both of you are quite young.

You can tell him that you have always heard that guys do not respect girls who put out too quickly, and the guys will often not want to be in a relationship with a girl like that. With the other guy you really didn't care about that because you weren't in love with him.

Then tell him that with him you were afraid he was going to look down on you and would not want to be with you in a relationship if you put out too quickly, so you waited because you totally love him unlike the other guy. Make sure to also add that you really, really wanted to have sex with him sooner, but because of all that other stuff you had to fight that urge, and tell him it was so hard doing that.
Actually, this is great and spot on. Thanks. I'm pretty sure the topic is going to come up when he comes over so this is what I'll say. Thanks bunches!!
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