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Sounds like he is just playing you big time. He also sound like a seasoned veteran at this game and know full well what he is doing. Stop being played, you can do better or should want better.
I feel that too.. from my own experiences. There was a time my ex also shows me that he is trying very hard to change
hi i have been with an older man for around 1.5 years, at the beginning of the relationship he had cheated on a number of occasions with different people. he has in the last 9 months put in a lot of effort to curb his past behaviour, i know he is trying. he previously could not grasp certain concepts which were what i considered normal in a relationship, he has recently discovered that he may have borderline personality disorder which i would usually consider as an excuse for someone acting like a douche he actually does present with these traits associated with bpd. we have trust issues as you could imagine, and he seems to only have female friends who are almost all past "lovers" potential mates or people who he has found on dating sites. I would like anyone to comment and tell me whether i am being unreasonable with what i ask....
1) that when you decide to see these female friends that i am told, and that the meeting be in a public setting (so not in their house).
2) that the communication not be hidden (deleting texts, emails etc... my reasoning is if the closest person to you can't read it, it must be something that you want to hide...aka inappropriate)
considering our history and the very hurtful things that have happened i do not think i am being unreasonable...what do you think?
I have a better idea, dump him and find someone better. Oh wait, he makes your 'gina tingle so you can't do that!
There's a saying that floats around every know and then and that is:
"Don't try and make a Wh*re a housewife."
he is not currently in therapy... its not something he can not afford at the moment so it will be a few months before something worthwhile gets done. i suppose i don't enjoy giving up on him when i know that he is trying and he says it seems like what he is doing will never be enough but he takes such small steps then expects some type of celebration which i find hard to do as its normal for normal people lol..... anyway i would hope that one day i would be afforded the same patients that i am offering him, we all mess up and lose our way and struggle with things so i have always had faith but yeah maybe a bit misplaced....
he is 41 i am 30... and i am showing signs of crazy lol :S
There are ways to get free therapy/counseling if one really WANTS to. Your guy has no plans to get therapy, trust me.
Yes, we all make mistakes, and when we do we have to pay for those mistakes. If there were no consequences we would never learn and change for the better. In your case it seems like YOU are the one paying for HIS mistakes.
Someone else mentions that he is playing you, and I agree. If you are happy with being with someone like that, then have fun.
yes we are still together, i don't think he is cheating at the moment or lately or has the intention to... i do think he is trying his best to do away with past behaviours. i really just wanted to know if i was being unreasonable in what i was asking of him? it is most definitely something i am willing to do myself so...yeah....
No, not being unreasonable. But borderline personality disorder is some serious baggage. They say it's very difficult to treat therapeutically. I would look for someone who's more well-adjusted. This dude isn't LTR material.
i was naive as i noted in one of my posts i found out about them later, i didn't know that it was occurring at the time and i rained hell down on everyone involved on an epic proportion. i am a girl who had been in 2 5 year relationships and that made up the entirety of my rs history.... i wasn't aware that people lied or cheated because i had managed to steer clear of them... what i do is i try and fix and i am way too understanding but i most definitely didn't teach him how to treat me...... the reason i know he isn't doing that stupid **** at the moment is because i have been teaching him. if not for myself for him and the next female who comes along.
i was merely here to show him that what i say is true, and I'm not going overboard with my requests....
bpd means he sometimes doesn't recognise normal so i used this medium to try and show him
hi i have been with an older man for around 1.5 years, at the beginning of the relationship he had cheated on a number of occasions with different people. he has in the last 9 months put in a lot of effort to curb his past behaviour, i know he is trying. he previously could not grasp certain concepts which were what i considered normal in a relationship, he has recently discovered that he may have borderline personality disorder which i would usually consider as an excuse for someone acting like a douche he actually does present with these traits associated with bpd. we have trust issues as you could imagine, and he seems to only have female friends who are almost all past "lovers" potential mates or people who he has found on dating sites. I would like anyone to comment and tell me whether i am being unreasonable with what i ask....
1) that when you decide to see these female friends that i am told, and that the meeting be in a public setting (so not in their house).
2) that the communication not be hidden (deleting texts, emails etc... my reasoning is if the closest person to you can't read it, it must be something that you want to hide...aka inappropriate)
considering our history and the very hurtful things that have happened i do not think i am being unreasonable...what do you think?
I think you are de-valuing yourself by staying with him.
Due to the fact that he has done whatever he wanted and you stayed, he has no incentive to change his behavior nor does he care about you. He isn't going to change.
You are better off without him and he won't even miss you.
the reason i know he isn't doing that stupid **** at the moment is because i have been teaching him. if not for myself for him and the next female who comes along.
i was naive as i noted in one of my posts i found out about them later, i didn't know that it was occurring at the time and i rained hell down on everyone involved on an epic proportion. i am a girl who had been in 2 5 year relationships and that made up the entirety of my rs history.... i wasn't aware that people lied or cheated because i had managed to steer clear of them... what i do is i try and fix and i am way too understanding but i most definitely didn't teach him how to treat me...... the reason i know he isn't doing that stupid **** at the moment is because i have been teaching him. if not for myself for him and the next female who comes along.
i was merely here to show him that what i say is true, and I'm not going overboard with my requests....
bpd means he sometimes doesn't recognise normal so i used this medium to try and show him
It's not your job to fix him.
He's 41 and you are 30. You should have the upper hand in this situation.
What is it that keeps you with him? Is it money? Is he so good looking that no one else can compare?
Or is it that you feel like you need to have a project? You need to help someone else? You need to feel needed?
Women often fall into the trap of being the healer to men who are bottomless pits of problems. You are being naive in thinking you can help. He will suck you dry and leave you exhausted and used up, regardless.
Don't waste your time. Don't waste your energy. Take care of YOURSELF, not some man with the medical diagnosis of high-drama user. And don't believe taking care of him will help you in the long run. It won't.
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i have been with an older man for around 1.5 years, at the beginning of the relationship he had cheated on a number of occasions with different people. he has in the last 9 months put in a lot of effort to curb his past behaviour, i know he is trying. he previously could not grasp certain concepts which were what i considered normal in a relationship, he has recently discovered that he may have borderline personality disorder which i would usually consider as an excuse for someone acting like a douche he actually does present with these traits associated with bpd. we have trust issues as you could imagine, and he seems to only have female friends who are almost all past "lovers" potential mates or people who he has found on dating sites. I would like anyone to comment and tell me whether i am being unreasonable with what i ask....
