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Old 10-06-2014, 05:23 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,289 posts, read 3,997,149 times
Reputation: 4313

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanaguy04 View Post
Having no kids was and still is a mandatory for me to be serious with someone because I don't have kids. I am not enthused about getting into an instant family situation with someone elses kids. Lately I have been rethinking this because of the preponderance of single moms out there. For every single mom I can only assume there is a single dad unless the same dudes are knocking up all the women.

I'd like to also hear from single parents (read, both men and women) how it affects your dating life. Do your standards raise, lower, no change? Not meaning to sound harsh or insensitive but having kid(s) already is a lot to bring into a relationship with someone that doesn't have kids, IE baggage. I could see myself getting serious with a single mom that has ONE child but wants more with me, but she would need to be extra special in other areas for me to consider her with other women that do not have a child yet.

And for the women out there considering single dads, how do you feel about the fact that his financial means are severely hindered by his ex? Friend of mine is paying $900/month in child support for ONE child. If he marries a woman it will factor in his income and hers to come up with a new higher number each month that he pays to another woman. Money that could be used in your relationship that is instead going toward another woman.
I have one daughter.I know for sure I am living much happy and healthy than lot other men who cries out there with labeling us as woman with kids IE baggage . For all I have to say this!

My child was not a barrier for my dating life as I know what I am looking for and what I need.
If there is a single dad I have no problem with it.Child is a child does not matter from whom. If he has to pay his children he has to pay. That is his responsibility, and if he needs my help I will do from my heart but that I am not thinking it as pays to another woman, I think it as supporting my step child. I am not living for money. May be that is only me.
And I am pretty concern not to date men who thinks having a kid is a disadvantage and big money. So this far having a child did not bother me at all. All the men who came to see me liked me I said NO. Because money is GOD in their lives.
At the moment there is a serious person who is dating me we took a step forward. He is not a dad never been married not wanting kids as he is close to 50. My daughter and him clicked very well too.
Good luck with your single momma!
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Old 10-06-2014, 05:27 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,289 posts, read 3,997,149 times
Reputation: 4313
Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanaguy04 View Post
So I recently signed up for Match.com Just went through the daily 10 matches and every single woman already has a kid(s). Disappointing. Out of all of them there was only one that had enough other things about her to get me interested enough to write. I have nothing against single mothers, I'd just rather not date them is all. I'm sure there are enough single dads out there for all the single moms, where are the single childless women?!

you say it like you are one and only man in the world. Keep looking go to the beach and think. oh boy guys like you will be thinking all the time till the ship passes you
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Old 10-06-2014, 05:58 AM
 
Location: D.C.
2,913 posts, read 2,436,376 times
Reputation: 4005
I don't have kids nor do I want them. The only way I would date a woman with kids is if they are grown and out of the house, preferably in another state. A woman with teens or younger? Nope, not happening.
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Old 10-06-2014, 07:08 AM
 
5,121 posts, read 6,785,577 times
Reputation: 5833
I always wonder where this assumption come from that you will be raising someone else's kids. No one else is raising my child but me and her dad... maybe I am not typical, who knows. But it really gets me that people think this. I find the whole idea that some man thinks he's going to have that much say right off the bat to be very presumptuous and maybe a little offensive (implying he thinks her dad and I, for some reason, can't do it ourselves).

Anyway, you asked single parents for their input to, so here it goes. I am divorced from my child's dad (he left me when he came out of the closet). But there isn't much drama in my life at all. My ex (my child's dad) and I get along really well for parenting purposes. Heck, we get along better now than when we were married, lol. We have joint/ 50/50 custody, although the reality of things is, I have our child 80% of the time. This does impact my ability to date, but I just make the most out of that 20%. I've also hired sitters on occasion (never for a first date, but for when I've dated a few times).

I am not interested in a man to "raise my child." Now, if you are going to think of dating as a means to marriage... I should note that I am not interested in re-marriage at all. I am interested in someone who can be a friend and lover. Not ruling out marriage, but it's not a goal of mine (if that makes sense). At best, at it's most extreme, a man who is dating me might play the same role in with my child as maybe an uncle or something. But most likely, the interact would probably be similar to the way my friends or other children's parents interact with my child.

Having a child hasn't lowered my standards, it's raised them. I will check criminal background now... something I never really did before. I am much more cautious when it comes to character as well... because it's not just me I need to worry about. And I also tend to prefer men with kids too--I want someone else who understands what it's like without making a bunch of stereotypical assumptions. Most of most men my age or in the age range I date are divorced with kids too if they are single. But it hasn't stopped men who have no children from asking me out and vice versa... with me, the man also being a parent is just a preference, not a necessity.

Men I date don't seem to care that I have a child and it hasn't been an obstacle at all to getting dates--planning dates might be challenging sometimes, but we can usually work around it. Then again, like I said, most men I date are also divorced single fathers (with a few exception of some divorced men who have no children). So they "get it." If men don't want to date me because I have a child, that's their choice/preference and I really don't care. Like I said, doesn't seem to effect me in the least bit.

Last edited by jillabean; 10-06-2014 at 07:31 AM..
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Old 10-06-2014, 07:12 AM
 
3,750 posts, read 4,944,088 times
Reputation: 3666
Honestly yes. It might sound cruel but I have no interest in raising another man's kids. I had a stepfather who was somewhat abusive to me and I think it was because he saw me as "part of the deal" and not like his own. We get along well nowadays though when I see him but yeah. I wouldn't want to be in his position.

Plus I'm old fashioned and I like the idea of being somebody's first love or at least the first person they married or had a kid with.
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Old 10-06-2014, 07:14 AM
 
3,750 posts, read 4,944,088 times
Reputation: 3666
I should note that I'm only 24 and if I'm still alone by the time I'm 35, 40 etc I'm not sure I'll have much of a choice but to become a stepfather or just be single forever. Then again I could probably date a childless 29 year old woman or a woman my age from some country like Germany where people don't have kids anymore. Hmm.
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Old 10-06-2014, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Terra
2,826 posts, read 3,979,273 times
Reputation: 3373
This topic again?

Yes it's a deal breaker. Will not seriously get involved with women with kids already. Some women may be lucky enough to find a beta-type man that will.
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Old 10-06-2014, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
10,216 posts, read 8,282,149 times
Reputation: 8628
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsun556 View Post
This topic again?

Yes it's a deal breaker. Will not seriously get involved with women with kids already. Some women may be lucky enough to find a beta-type man that will.
Same topic over and over lol. My answer is still a firm no when it comes to single mom's.
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Old 10-06-2014, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Ohio
1,724 posts, read 1,595,481 times
Reputation: 1896
I never did, mostly because of the concern of a child getting attached then a breakup. However, I've been married 15 yrs now.

If I were single today, at age 42, I think dating women with kids would be the only way to really be able to date much.

Widows would be a bit easier in many ways than divorced women, since there'd be no "drama", but the downside would be more difficulty in babysitting with no other parent around to go on dates.
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Old 10-06-2014, 08:56 AM
 
Location: Eastern Colorado
3,887 posts, read 5,731,421 times
Reputation: 5386
These kind of threads are weird to me, maybe I am really just that different from most people. While I am married now 2 of the 3 girls I dated before I met my wife had kids. The last 1 was actually getting pretty serious until she got a nice job offer in another state, which doubled her pay and paid for her to move. She asked me to go with her, but I was happy with my job and did not want to leave my friends and family.

Kids do not change if a girl is a drama queen, they are drama queens with or without kids. Fact is the single moms I dated were actually better relationships than the non parent girls, they did not harass me constantly about working to much, they never complained that my friends and family were too important to me, or that I was more worried about saving money as opposed to buying more junk.

They also do not want you to raise their kids, sure they may occasionally have money problems, but for the most part they are looking for the same thing we all are, they want someone that they enjoy being around and that will be good to them. Someone that will support them emotionally while also allowing them to be themselves and have fun. They are the parent, not you, the child has another parent, that is also not you. Most understand that, and in fact do not really want you to take part in any kind of parenting with the child especially for the 1st few years.

Plus most mothers are not as clingy especially early in the relationship. I am a very independent person, even after 15 years it still occasionally causes problems with my wife. In my experience when dating most single mothers are busy with their kids and their lives, so when I happened to decide to go to a game with my brother or cousins, than as long as I am not breaking plans with them they did not really care.

The biggest problem that some people seem to really have problems with is that you will never be the number 1 priority in your girls life (well some may make you the number 1 priority but I would question that girls morals), but if you can handle that it is actually not a big deal. The girl I married did not have children but it never would have been a deal breaker for me if she would have.
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