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Old 10-09-2014, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Oviedo, FL
138 posts, read 128,387 times
Reputation: 91

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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Your choice either way but I think having the need for a label is putting too much unnecessary stress on everyone involved.
Do you really "need" to be labeled any more than you already are?
Do you really "need" to be referred to as boyfriend/girlfriend?
Do you really "need" to state "I'm in a relationship"?

Or are these purely 'wants'?
Well by definition, these are "wants".
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Old 10-09-2014, 02:38 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,107,581 times
Reputation: 11796
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Why is it required to be defined or labeled? Why not just go with things and see what happens then at the point where you are no longer interested or think it is going nowhere make the decision that is best for you and move on.
Some people want the label and others don't care. There's nothing wrong with either approach. I think it also depends what you're looking for. I've been seeing someone for a little over 2 months, but I haven't pressed him for any labels and I'm still fine leaving things in a gray area, BUT I'm not going to invest six more months into dating him only to find out he was just being casual and never sees this going anywhere. I think a lot of people want a definition after a few months if nothing else than to make sure both people are on the same page about the kind of relationship they want.
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Old 10-09-2014, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Oviedo, FL
138 posts, read 128,387 times
Reputation: 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
Some people want the label and others don't care. There's nothing wrong with either approach. I think it also depends what you're looking for. I've been seeing someone for a little over 2 months, but I haven't pressed him for any labels and I'm still fine leaving things in a gray area, BUT I'm not going to invest six more months into dating him only to find out he was just being casual and never sees this going anywhere. I think a lot of people want a definition after a few months if nothing else than to make sure both people are on the same page about the kind of relationship they want.
Even that's a stretch. Some people want to know after a few dates...and I don't blame them...I don't want to date someone for six months only to find out that they had no intent for this to go anywhere. Actually, I don't even want to spend that long in a grey area anyhow.
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Old 10-09-2014, 02:41 PM
 
Location: Ohio
1,724 posts, read 1,601,922 times
Reputation: 1896
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
I think this is a valid question. I've had situations where the other person wanted to be a couple right away and others where after dating for a few months I still wasn't quite sure where we stood. I try to never assume anything even if the other person treats me like we are in a relationship I know that doesn't mean they think we are. It can be frustrating to not know where you stand and I think it's often looked upon as being needy or clingy if you ask the other person to define the relationship.
I read these types of threads, and honestly, I'm surprised I've managed to have successful relationships and a successful marriage.

Because, really, it is hard to know the "right" way to do things.

Common questions that I often don't know the answer to myself, but have managed to handle correctly enough in my own life:

Quote:

Do I kiss her on the first date? What if it's too soon and she runs? What if I wait too long, and she thinks I'm not interested?

Do I assume we're exclusive? Will she get offended if I ask and she does assume we're exclusive, now she'll think I haven't been? Or think I'm clingy if I ask?

She seems unsatisfied in bed. If I ask, will I appear weak? If I don't ask, I can never fix the problem, and she isn't willing to tell me.
Sometimes, the fears are overblown, and make an assumption that saying one wrong thing, or making one move too soon or too late, will just end it then and there, when in reality, most people, if they actually like you, give you a bit more leeway.
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Old 10-09-2014, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Ohio
1,724 posts, read 1,601,922 times
Reputation: 1896
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
Some people want the label and others don't care. There's nothing wrong with either approach. I think it also depends what you're looking for. I've been seeing someone for a little over 2 months, but I haven't pressed him for any labels and I'm still fine leaving things in a gray area, BUT I'm not going to invest six more months into dating him only to find out he was just being casual and never sees this going anywhere. I think a lot of people want a definition after a few months if nothing else than to make sure both people are on the same page about the kind of relationship they want.
I get that feeling.

I used to try to start conversations that were mildly sexual early in relationships (even if we had only kissed or not even that) to gauge her overall sexual nature - was she fairly open, was she a bit closed off, etc - I didn't want to waste time on a cold fish.
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Old 10-09-2014, 04:39 PM
 
Location: Oviedo, FL
138 posts, read 128,387 times
Reputation: 91
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperDave72 View Post
Sometimes, the fears are overblown, and make an assumption that saying one wrong thing, or making one move too soon or too late, will just end it then and there, when in reality, most people, if they actually like you, give you a bit more leeway.
I think you might be on to something man. It's like if a man woman liked you enough, he or she wouldn't mind such little things. And a man/woman should like you that much in a relationship so...
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Old 10-09-2014, 06:19 PM
 
73 posts, read 84,762 times
Reputation: 54
You sound like me dude before my first relationship. It's not something you can explain. It's more of a feeling/emotional thing. Stop thinking of the outcome and start thinking more along the lines of having fun and hanging out together. If you both have commonalities and enjoy hanging out together, you're naturally going to get closer to the point where you'll be in a relationship with out ever having to bring it up. You'll just know it. The same way you make friends. It's not a robotic/checklist process.
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Old 10-09-2014, 06:26 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,165,372 times
Reputation: 22276
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Why is it required to be defined or labeled? Why not just go with things and see what happens then at the point where you are no longer interested or think it is going nowhere make the decision that is best for you and move on.
For some people, it's not a requirement to be defined or labeled. For others, it is. If I'm serious about someone, I like to know exactly what is going on and that we are on the same page. I like defining things. I don't think I could have a real relationship with someone with out that. But that's me.
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Old 10-09-2014, 06:30 PM
 
37,611 posts, read 45,988,534 times
Reputation: 57194
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous_U123456789 View Post
Even that's a stretch. Some people want to know after a few dates...and I don't blame them...I don't want to date someone for six months only to find out that they had no intent for this to go anywhere. Actually, I don't even want to spend that long in a grey area anyhow.
I don't see why you have to. You meet someone, date a few times, and then if you really like them, ask them to be exclusive. If they don't want to, then move on. Period. Easy peasy.

Why do people make this so difficult. It ain't rocket science, yanno??
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Old 10-09-2014, 06:48 PM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,994,575 times
Reputation: 6849
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperDave72 View Post
I get that feeling.

I used to try to start conversations that were mildly sexual early in relationships (even if we had only kissed or not even that) to gauge her overall sexual nature - was she fairly open, was she a bit closed off, etc - I didn't want to waste time on a cold fish.
There is zero correlation between how wild someone is in bed and whether they want to talk about sex with a stranger.

I used to be totally shy about talking about it (but not about doing). Now i can talk at any level of detail you want, with anyone. But how I am, in bed, has not changed. I've always been very sexual.
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