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You do realize women can (and probably are) reject you for your personality, right? I've talked to some gorgeous guys who I passed on, once I had a chance to talk to them.
There's something to this. Average, even plain, dudes can clean up with attractive women if they have a certain way about them. I've seen this in action. But it's not something just anyone can come up with. Some dudes just have a gift. Or maybe some of 'em have worked hard to overcome an obstacle. The guy who fends off bullies in gradeschool by becoming the class clown can win with women, because he can make 'em laugh, for example. But for someone like highlife, it might not be so easy to reinvent himself as a charmer. Sounds like he's found his level, anyway.
There's something to this. Average, even plain, dudes can clean up with attractive women if they have a certain way about them. I've seen this in action. But it's not something just anyone can come up with. Some dudes just have a gift. Or maybe some of 'em have worked hard to overcome an obstacle. The guy who fends off bullies in gradeschool by becoming the class clown can win with women, because he can make 'em laugh, for example. But for someone like highlife, it might not be so easy to reinvent himself as a charmer. Sounds like he's found his level, anyway.
Should read "a small percentage of average, even plain, dudes can clean up with attractive women". NP you have some odd notions about how average and plain guys should, in your estimation, be successful with women. Again and again on thread after thread you put forth these "notions" to guys in whom women are not interested. Yet you try to convince them otherwise. A tweak here, a change there, and viola you can be attractive to women. While it might have been true for you, it is not true for the majority of unsuccessful men. I have twenty years experience that proves you wrong beyond a shadow of a doubt. The truth is if you are an average or plain guy, not including the small percentage mentioned above, you are not going to be successful with women. Facts are facts and cannot be ignored. These posters you try to change know their situations better then you ever could. I have been accused by another poster of possessing "constant negativity" and I am sure some will see negativity in this post. I am actually an optimistic person whom refuses to deny the harsh realities of life and one of those is being unsuccessful with women. I come to CD to see if I can find any ideas to change my position, but only find the same untenable ideas, such as yours, rehashed over and over again. Yet I continue to be hopeful.
You have been here - what - 3 months and you have reached the point of this rant already? As at least one other user has pointed out already - this post came across as more of a rant than anything else. Have you considered that perhaps the issue lies with your tolerance rather than the forum?
Your observations do not match my own. I find that this forum is very open about making sure people get advice when they ask for it.
If you feel the forum is lacking in good advice on it's threads - then simply step up to the plate and keep giving some on those threads.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer
Masculine energy was founded on a simple principle: Happiness by motivation through passions and hobbies.
What has that got to do with "masculinity" at all? How does happiness by motivation through passions and hobbies not apply exactly equally to women and children too?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer
Men are "naturally" independent for that sole principle.
How have you established that men are naturally independent? We are a social species and our independence is highly mediated by this. Also are you suggesting women are somehow less independent than men in some way?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer
You just want a girl to have sex with and potentially get a relationship with.
Speak for yourself. You certainly do not speak for me - or any guys in my circle.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer
Why are you being a feminine man?
Which attributes exactly are you defining as "feminine"? Stalking? Is that not just misogynist gender bashing?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer
it's really not her(Generally) it's you being this weak and needy man.
Why does it have to be one or another? Sometimes people simply do not want to be in a relationship with the person who wants to be in a relationship with them. Its not about anyone being "wrong" or being "weak and needy". It is just as simply as human attraction is not present in these situations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer
A confident and masculine man
How are you defining "masculine man" exactly? So far your definitions of masculinity have been either absent, or really off kilter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer
will not bend over backwards for a girl, especially one he has just met. He will not over analyze situations in regards to women. He's never negative even in bad situations. He will not rely on other people, not only women, for happiness.
Again things you are applying to masculinity appear to be things that apply equally to women too. Nothing you have listed in this paragraph are "man" things. They are "people" things. Both sexes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer
One that is comfortable in his own skin and enjoys what he does.
This is probably the only thing in your post so far that I can agree with. It is certainly a strength in life - for BOTH sexes again - to simply be comfortable being who it is you are. That comes across. And as I said it applies equally to both sexes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer
you do not like yourself at this moment. Accept that at this moment in time you basically suck.
That is unhelpful. And it does not follow. Perhaps you can be correct to suggest they do not like themselves. Many people suffer from this. But that does not mean they suck. Not at all. And telling them that they do will only compound their self-dislike further. Pushing people with a self image or self loathing problem further in that direction by telling them they suck - when there is no reason to think they do - is not a helpful or accurate approach. It is simply a mean spirited kicking of people when they are down. And I do not recognize the pedestal from which you presume to do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer
Neediness IS a feminine trait.
That form of unsubstantiated and false generalization about the female sex as a whole is not likely to cause people to put much stock in anything else you say.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom ford38
You left out the most important one some men aren't attractive to women no matter what they do.
This is not something I have ever agreed with or seen reason to agree with really. I agree some men and women might have that perception of themselves. But that does not mean those perceptions are warranted - at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Memphis1979
And the best advice of all, lower your standards.
That is not the best advice at all - it is one of the worst. We are attracted to who we are attracted to. Simple as. We should not compromise who we are - or what we want - just to get _something_. That is neither fair on yourself - or the person who ends up with you - who should be with someone who actually wants them fully - and not with someone who just settled for them because they could not get better.
I would want to be alone forever before simply compromising and ending up with someone I did not really want to be with at all.
You have been here - what - 3 months and you have reached the point of this rant already? As at least one other user has pointed out already - this post came across as more of a rant than anything else. Have you considered that perhaps the issue lies with your tolerance rather than the forum?
Your observations do not match my own. I find that this forum is very open about making sure people get advice when they ask for it.
If you feel the forum is lacking in good advice on it's threads - then simply step up to the plate and keep giving some on those threads.
What has that got to do with "masculinity" at all? How does happiness by motivation through passions and hobbies not apply exactly equally to women and children too?
How have you established that men are naturally independent? We are a social species and our independence is highly mediated by this. Also are you suggesting women are somehow less independent than men in some way?
Speak for yourself. You certainly do not speak for me - or any guys in my circle.
Which attributes exactly are you defining as "feminine"? Stalking? Is that not just misogynist gender bashing?
Why does it have to be one or another? Sometimes people simply do not want to be in a relationship with the person who wants to be in a relationship with them. Its not about anyone being "wrong" or being "weak and needy". It is just as simply as human attraction is not present in these situations.
How are you defining "masculine man" exactly? So far your definitions of masculinity have been either absent, or really off kilter.
Again things you are applying to masculinity appear to be things that apply equally to women too. Nothing you have listed in this paragraph are "man" things. They are "people" things. Both sexes.
This is probably the only thing in your post so far that I can agree with. It is certainly a strength in life - for BOTH sexes again - to simply be comfortable being who it is you are. That comes across. And as I said it applies equally to both sexes.
That is unhelpful. And it does not follow. Perhaps you can be correct to suggest they do not like themselves. Many people suffer from this. But that does not mean they suck. Not at all. And telling them that they do will only compound their self-dislike further. Pushing people with a self image or self loathing problem further in that direction by telling them they suck - when there is no reason to think they do - is not a helpful or accurate approach. It is simply a mean spirited kicking of people when they are down. And I do not recognize the pedestal from which you presume to do it.
That form of unsubstantiated and false generalization about the female sex as a whole is not likely to cause people to put much stock in anything else you say.
This is not something I have ever agreed with or seen reason to agree with really. I agree some men and women might have that perception of themselves. But that does not mean those perceptions are warranted - at all.
That is not the best advice at all - it is one of the worst. We are attracted to who we are attracted to. Simple as. We should not compromise who we are - or what we want - just to get _something_. That is neither fair on yourself - or the person who ends up with you - who should be with someone who actually wants them fully - and not with someone who just settled for them because they could not get better.
I would want to be alone forever before simply compromising and ending up with someone I did not really want to be with at all.
His standards are unrealistic. I have a thing for Mila Kunis, but I don't wait for her or a woman like her. I date others that I find attractive.
His idea of attraction is to high for who he is. Lets face it, we aren't all Clooney and Pitt.
so OP, let me respectfully disagree and suggest something for your to think about:
stop offering these "losers" advice. just stop and accept the fact that when a guy is ready to make a change in his life to improve his relationship with women, he will do it. and no amount of advice and encourage will help until he is ready to do so.
it's like the old psychiatry joke: how many shrinks does it take to change a lightbulb? one, but the lightbulb really really really has want to change
and here is another reason, survival of the fittest: not all men desire, are equipped, or are capable of developing a relationship with women. some men are just at the end of their genetic line for reproduction purposes, so no matter what advice you have to offer, won't make a difference for them. their dna was just unable to adapt to modern mating and reproduction challenges.
seriously, there is an old thread posted by one of our feminist regulars that has some revealing information regarding a CDC study indicating only 40% of men reproduce while 80% of women do. what does that mean?
--that means 40% of men are getting laid and having kids and the rest don't make it that far
--or more specifically, that means MEN COMPETE WITH OTHER MEN for finding women to reproduce with and to carry on their genetic matter into the future
yes, in other words, 60% of men are dead enders dna wise and the remaining 40% are banging 80% of women, with some men having multiple mommas.
so like i said, stop giving guys advice who aren't taking it anyway or sadly are looking for pity parties.
just stop, you are wasting band with and time you could be buring on yourself.
MYTH ... She posted that the 40% figure is mythical. Another poster pointed to stats from the CDC, saying that roughly 80% of men and women reproduce by age 40.
Should read "a small percentage of average, even plain, dudes can clean up with attractive women". NP you have some odd notions about how average and plain guys should, in your estimation, be successful with women. Again and again on thread after thread you put forth these "notions" to guys in whom women are not interested. Yet you try to convince them otherwise. A tweak here, a change there, and viola you can be attractive to women. While it might have been true for you, it is not true for the majority of unsuccessful men. I have twenty years experience that proves you wrong beyond a shadow of a doubt. The truth is if you are an average or plain guy, not including the small percentage mentioned above, you are not going to be successful with women. Facts are facts and cannot be ignored. These posters you try to change know their situations better then you ever could. I have been accused by another poster of possessing "constant negativity" and I am sure some will see negativity in this post. I am actually an optimistic person whom refuses to deny the harsh realities of life and one of those is being unsuccessful with women. I come to CD to see if I can find any ideas to change my position, but only find the same untenable ideas, such as yours, rehashed over and over again. Yet I continue to be hopeful.
It sounds like CD isn't the forum for you, then, if you come looking for ideas you never find here, and only find the same untenable ones. Why keep coming back for more of the same?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by jma501
Should read "a small percentage of average, even plain, dudes can clean up with attractive women". NP you have some odd notions about how average and plain guys should, in your estimation, be successful with women. Again and again on thread after thread you put forth these "notions" to guys in whom women are not interested. Yet you try to convince them otherwise. A tweak here, a change there, and viola you can be attractive to women. While it might have been true for you, it is not true for the majority of unsuccessful men. I have twenty years experience that proves you wrong beyond a shadow of a doubt. The truth is if you are an average or plain guy, not including the small percentage mentioned above, you are not going to be successful with women. Facts are facts and cannot be ignored. These posters you try to change know their situations better then you ever could. I have been accused by another poster of possessing "constant negativity" and I am sure some will see negativity in this post. I am actually an optimistic person whom refuses to deny the harsh realities of life and one of those is being unsuccessful with women. I come to CD to see if I can find any ideas to change my position, but only find the same untenable ideas, such as yours, rehashed over and over again. Yet I continue to be hopeful.
There is nothing untenable about getting in shape, dressing decently, and being fun to be around and interesting to talk to. That is all that is needed. It is completely tenable for almost everyone.
Heck, I don't even have that all going for me yet I have some success.
It sounds like CD isn't the forum for you, then, if you come looking for ideas you never find here, and only find the same untenable ones. Why keep coming back for more of the same?
I would think my last sentence would be an obvious answer to your query. Nice cherry picking past everything else though.
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