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Old 10-11-2014, 08:28 AM
 
Location: Denver and Boston
2,071 posts, read 2,198,242 times
Reputation: 3831

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Samara7915 View Post
Is it really possible for a guy to want to marry a mother who is busy raising young children?
Yes. I am not one of the those guys. But I do know 2 guys that are in such relationships. I assume it is because they can't have kids of their own, but I have never asked them as it would probably insult them. Your ability to find such a guy is greatly affected by what you bring to the table looks and personality wise.
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Old 10-11-2014, 08:32 AM
 
2,135 posts, read 5,474,433 times
Reputation: 3146
You have to be in shape and have your life together, but yeah it happens. You can't be picky though typically yourself however. Or I guess you could, but like the one poster said you could be patient, but that could take years. This is horrible to say, but if you are younger (sub 30) and in shape and decent looking, your chances are a lot easier.
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Old 10-11-2014, 08:36 AM
 
Location: Northville, MI
11,879 posts, read 14,148,128 times
Reputation: 6376
Get out there and check for yourself.
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Old 10-11-2014, 09:15 AM
 
Location: Montana
783 posts, read 846,303 times
Reputation: 1314
Quote:
Originally Posted by Samara7915 View Post
Ok, so, I'm just curious but I'm interested in hearing from single mothers and men who might have some experience with this. To begin, let me first say that I realize that there are some men who would never date a single mother for various reasons & I also know there are a lot of guys (mostly younger but not always) out there who just don't want to deal with kids or the "inconvenience"... but I am not talking about them. So here are my questions for you all...
Is it really possible for a guy to want to marry a mother who is busy raising young children? Is it too much to ask or expect a man to share a woman with her children if she is their only caregiver & has no family to help or give her time alone with him on a consistent basis? Is that fair? Do you think that such a man exists that is capable of feeling a fatherly bond with a child who is not his regardless of the age and be willing to care for & about him in a similar way? Perhaps a stranger question, how likely is a white guy able to accept a women with 2 mixed children & does that have any influence over his decision to be with her in a serious/lifelong relationship? Would he feel awkward accepting them too equally? I know this is really dependent on the man himself but I am just starting to wonder if my situation in itself means that I should just expect that if I am to ever find "the one" it will be more likely to happen after my children have grown up? Lastly, is it fair to say that most men steer clear of women who have had a lot of trouble in her life, even if she remains kind & loving despite it all? Like I said all strange questions but I am interested in hearing helpful thoughts. Please keep all ignorant remarks to yourself. Thank you.
I have recently started considering the idea of dating a single mom that has ONE kid but wants more. I have yet to actually date a single mom so I don't know how I will actually feel or possibly bond with her kid nor do I know the different challenges of dating a woman with a kid.

In order for me to consider a single mom she would need to be attractive to me both physically and personality wise at the start. I would have to have a lot of up front interest in her in order to consider her still worth the time and effort to continue pursuing. She would also have to make time for me as I will not be a distant 2nd or 3rd to her while she is my #1.
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Old 10-11-2014, 09:38 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,931 posts, read 11,669,651 times
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I married a single mother. She didn't want me to develop a fatherly bond with her child. He already had a father, active in his life. Her early behavior taught me that her son would always be her first love. Her late behavior taught that the grandchildren came 2nd and 3rd.

I did teach her son calculus and encouraged him to go the University. He got a Ph.D about 6 months ago.

My wife and I have what i can only call a fabulously intimate and affectionate relationship. Her son and I are close friends. The grandkids and I will be.

I couldn't have asked for more.

Besides, I'm not sure I could have handled first through third place.
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Old 10-11-2014, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Montana
783 posts, read 846,303 times
Reputation: 1314
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frihed89 View Post
I married a single mother. She didn't want me to develop a fatherly bond with her child. He already had a father, active in his life. Her early behavior taught me that her son would always be her first love. Her late behavior taught that the grandchildren came 2nd and 3rd.

I did teach her son calculus and encouraged him to go the University. He got a Ph.D about 6 months ago.

My wife and I have what i can only call a fabulously intimate and affectionate relationship. Her son and I are close friends. The grandkids and I will be.

I couldn't have asked for more.

Besides, I'm not sure I could have handled first through third place.
So your ok with being 4th place?
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Old 10-11-2014, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,645 posts, read 34,140,114 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanaguy04 View Post
So your ok with being 4th place?
It's not a competition. A woman can care for more than one person at a time. And even if you get involved with a childless woman, if you eventually have kids, those kids are going to take up a lot of time and attention. Obviously she shouldn't ignore her partner's needs, but if you're the type who's going to be jealous of a woman's love for her children, then maybe you should stay childfree.
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Old 10-11-2014, 10:06 AM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,963,524 times
Reputation: 6848
I've known guys who bonded deeply with their gf's kids. Some married, others broke up but continued to be close to the kids.

Real-life men love kids -- it's biological, and it has nothing to do with whether the kids are genetically theirs. You only hear otherwise from young guys who have not had the experience yet.
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Old 10-11-2014, 10:55 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,772,233 times
Reputation: 6561
I have very recent experience with this. I recently broke up with a divorced mother who I thought I was going to marry. She has a 4 year old daughter and was previously married to a man from Lebanon. The Father is out of the picture (and out of the country). Horrible choice of who she married, but thats beside the point. I was prepared to raise her daughter as my own and have another child with her. We broke up, but it had nothing to do with her daughter, who I adored. I used to steer clear of single mothers, but am much more open to it now. Ideally, she would have only one child and want another, but would consider a woman with 2 children, depending on the circumstances. So it is possible. As for some of your other questions, I'm not sure. Could be a deal breaker, but maybe not.
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Old 10-11-2014, 11:54 AM
 
21 posts, read 18,993 times
Reputation: 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
I guess it depends.

Were you married? Did you cheat on the father? Do your children have different fathers? Do you live on assistance? Does the father see his kids regularly?

Just a few...
To answer your questions...
No, I've never been married & I've also never cheated on anyone I've dated. My children do have different fathers but they are 10 years apart. Neither one of their fathers have ever had any involvement in their lives nor do they provide any assistance for them. Although I'm extremely financially strapped, the only government assistance I have applied for & receive for them is health care.
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