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I really want to know what I need to do to lock one of these women up.
I don't want to just date for the sake of dating; that's not my style. I want an actual long-term relationship. I've been putting forth my best effort to make this happen, but it's not thus far. I need some guidance or something to get me on the right path.
Last week, I created a thread about this girl I've been seeing. She's been sort of wishy washy, but she actually initiated a date last week. The date went great. We went to a movie and then out for drinks. I even got her a flower, which she seemed thrilled with. I texted her on Sunday, we had a small exchange. That's been it. I didn't hear from her at all yesterday. Texted her this morning and still no response (though she may be busy, so I'm not overly concerned). If this fizzles out, I'm at a complete loss. I thought I did everything right and to the best of my ability, and it's still resulting in failure.
I just need to figure out what the edge is I need to actually attract the type of woman I would like to be with (no, my standards are not off the charts either). Some people make it sound so easy, that all sorts of great women are chasing after them. So what is that they're doing that I'm not?
They're developing rapports with women that make women actually want them before dating them. And they're more upfront when they are attracted to a woman instead of letting women chase them.
Every guy I've ever dated who I met online was someone I'd already had something of an online friendship with, where neither of us knew each other through dating sites nor had any intent to have romance.
All this is true, and more noticeable in OLD vs. real life because of the medium/format in which you get the information.
If someone feels like debating the trivialities of why, I'm more than willing...I love that stuff. But none of it leads to a "solution". So it really depends on what you're trying to get out of it. Venting makes everyone feel better, but at the end of the day, nothing's changed.
Acknowledging that women have more options than men in dating isn't going to GET you a date. At best, it might make you feel better about not having one. If the objective is to actually GET dates, there are other options that need to be sought out. (when I say "you", I don't mean YOU specifically, just a generic message to men in general)
^^^This nicely sums up the relationships forum. It often makes me wonder if people only want a platform to spew the garbage floating around in their heads, rather than an actual relationship.
If attractive women don't approach you and ask you on dates offline, why do you think that would happen on OLD?
I don't understand what this question has to do with my comment. I never said I was expecting them to. I was just discussing who, IMO, has the comparative advantage given that all variables are equal.
And attraction is relative. I'm not looking for super models to chase after me, nor am I chasing after them. There have been plenty of cute, chubby girls that I'd have loved to start some type of relationship with, but it went no where. I'd say I'm an average, but decent-looking, clean-cut guy. However, I understand my personal limitations and I set my expectations with this in mind. Yet, even average or below-average girls aren't particularly chasing after me in droves (though admittedly I've had a few in the last few years).
If only half the men on here put the same effort into improving themselves as they did into figuring out why women don't want them.. It might actually fix their problem?
They're developing rapports with women that make women actually want them before dating them.
Every guy I've ever dated who I met online was someone I'd already had something of an online friendship with, where neither of us knew each other through dating sites nor had any intent to have romance.
I do that as best I can through OLD. Usually that entails sending a few messages over the course of few days prior to setting up a first date.
I don't understand what this question has to do with my comment. I never said I was expecting them to. I was just discussing who, IMO, has the comparative advantage given that all variables are equal.
And attraction is relative. I'm not looking for super models to chase after me, nor am I chasing after them. There have been plenty of cute, chubby girls that I'd have loved to start some type of relationship with, but it went no where. I'd say I'm an average, but decent-looking, clean-cut guy. However, I understand my personal limitations and I set my expectations with this in mind. Yet, even average or below-average girls aren't particularly chasing after me in droves (though admittedly I've had a few in the last few years).
Why would women who you see as "below average" chase after you who sees them as below average??? That's your problem.
I do that as best I can through OLD. Usually that entails sending a few messages over the course of few days prior to setting up a first date.
That's not what I mean. That's you intentionally looking for dates through a medium designed for dating. I'm talking about befriending women, any women, who you share common background or interests or life goals, whose company you enjoy with nothing romantic in the way. Keeping them as friends, and then someday it might turn into more if you develop an attraction.
How many single women on CD do you think you have a rapport with and enjoy their conversations, but never thought to say "hey look we live 45 minutes apart. I'd love to go to this hockey game next weekend with you, if you're interested."
I don't understand what this question has to do with my comment. I never said I was expecting them to. I was just discussing who, IMO, has the comparative advantage given that all variables are equal.
And attraction is relative. I'm not looking for super models to chase after me, nor am I chasing after them. There have been plenty of cute, chubby girls that I'd have loved to start some type of relationship with, but it went no where. I'd say I'm an average, but decent-looking, clean-cut guy. However, I understand my personal limitations and I set my expectations with this in mind. Yet, even average or below-average girls aren't particularly chasing after me in droves (though admittedly I've had a few in the last few years).
You defined major success on OLD as attractive women initiating contact and asking you for dates, and that absolutely doesn't happen for the majority of men online or offline. If that's what you're hoping for, of course you'll be disappointed.
I don't understand what this question has to do with my comment. I never said I was expecting them to. I was just discussing who, IMO, has the comparative advantage given that all variables are equal.
And attraction is relative. I'm not looking for super models to chase after me, nor am I chasing after them. There have been plenty of cute, chubby girls that I'd have loved to start some type of relationship with, but it went no where. I'd say I'm an average, but decent-looking, clean-cut guy. However, I understand my personal limitations and I set my expectations with this in mind. Yet, even average or below-average girls aren't particularly chasing after me in droves (though admittedly I've had a few in the last few years).
From what you have posted you seem to have a good response rate. Sounds like your issue is something that is happening once you meet / or during the first few dates. Now it could just be the women you select or it could be something you are doing - probably a little of both.
Your definition of success in OLD is different than what women consider success.
Last edited by ncsualum2004; 10-14-2014 at 12:03 PM..
Reason: .
If only half the men on here put the same effort into improving themselves as they did into figuring out why women don't want them.. It might actually fix their problem?
I have a degree from one of the top public universities in the country (which I paid for by myself). I was the first person to go to college in my family on top of it, so no legacy to ride on.
I have a great job with great benefits.
I lost 20 lbs over the last six months or so. I'd say my body-type is pretty athletic at this point.
I'm active, outgoing, and personable. I have a great group of friends who appreciate me.
Despite some minor social anxiety, I've put myself out into otherwise uncomfortable social to make myself more comfortable dealing. And it's worked! I'm significantly better in these situations now.
I'm always reading and trying to learn new things.
I travel (mostly domestically) as much as my time permits.
What else can I do to make myself more marketable to these women? Instead of just writing this off as in someone's not doing enough, why don't you inquire more about what they do have going on to get a better feel for their situation. And then, maybe you can offer some useful advice.
Last edited by Lafleur; 10-14-2014 at 12:12 PM..
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That's your problem.
