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Who said anything about marriage being based on sex?
Nobody, but some people seem to think that simply questioning sex or lack thereof, or expressing a desire for a better sex life within your marriage equates to "marriage is based on sex" or something.
See... Now this is a clear example of why staying together "for the kids" just creates even more chaos for some people. OP- your relationship w/ this new woman can never advance until you physically seperate and divorce from your wife. It will take some time and space, but if she's worth it, and meant to be, then you will only find out after re-establishing yourself as an individual. You really have to be honest w/ yourself about whether or not you can handle staying in an unhealthy marriage where cheating is somehow justified..
So give up? There has to be another way. There has to be.
"Give up"?? That's what you got out of my post???????????
For the record, I am in no way advocating that you stay in this affair. But this line ^^^ is very telling.
You need to snap out of it.
You are a married father. You need to sort this crap out as best you can and start thinking like an adult instead of a fictional character.
It's not "giving up." It's being mature. It's taking charge instead of letting your ego rule your life. You have put off dealing with your problems for as long as is "tolerable." Now you HAVE to face more discomfort. There is NO EASY SOLUTION to the problems you have gotten into. There is no pain-free ending here.
See... Now this is a clear example of why staying together "for the kids" just creates even more chaos. OP- your relationship w/ this new woman can never advance until you physically seperate and divorce from your wife. It will take some time and space, but if she's worth it, and meant to be, then you will only find out after re-establishing yourself as an individual. You really have to be honest w/ yourself about whether or not you can handle staying in an unhealthy marriage where cheating is somehow justified..
My wife is awesome person, smart person, awesome mother, very educated.
But I dont wanna live like this "for the kids". I think the kids deserve a chance to see their parents not fighting about something they cant understand, and being happy on their own.
Will it provide for one awesome marriage, after the two are destroyed.
Don't you think the two marriages were destroyed to begin with, otherwise this wouldn't happen?
Relationships are fluid. A marriage is only "destroyed" if the parties in the marriage aren't both willing to address the problems.
I thought so too. Then I had an epiphany, why not have both.
Nature (or God, if you are a creationist), puts sexual desire in our hearts for the purpose of reproduction - survival of the species. There comes a time in most marriages (if they last long enough), where that urge is not longer present, at least in the female, since she can no longer reproduce.
Yes, men have a stronger sex drive because they can "distribute their DNA" throughout their entire adult lives, which again is a survival of the species adaption. I suppose you could argue that it is somehow unfair to the man to provide him life-long companionship, genuine love and affection, non-sexual nurturing, compassion and understanding without including a sexual relationship. But it pains me to think that any human, especially a human who has made a formal commitment and vow before his family and friends and his god to "love, honor and cherish" someone "until death do us part", would place the requirement for carnal sex above any of those other factors. It pains me greatly that any human could be that shallow.
As for women, people might argue that marital sex is a obligation that a wife has to her husband and I suppose that is a valid argument. I suppose if a wife makes the conscious decision to withhold sex from her spouse that he might have the right to call the marriage off. My opinion is that if a man is capable of throwing away someone who truly loves him because of that, the woman is infinitely better off without him as MANY older women are discovering.
Nature (or God, if you are a creationist), puts sexual desire in our hearts for the purpose of reproduction - survival of the species. There comes a time in most marriages (if they last long enough), where that urge is not longer present, at least in the female, since she can no longer reproduce.
Yes, men have a stronger sex drive because they can "distribute their DNA" throughout their entire adult lives, which again is a survival of the species adaption. I suppose you could argue that it is somehow unfair to the man to provide him life-long companionship, genuine love and affection, non-sexual nurturing, compassion and understanding without including a sexual relationship. But it pains me to think that any human, especially a human who has made a formal commitment and vow before his family and friends and his god to "love, honor and cherish" someone "until death do us part", would place the requirement for carnal sex above any of those other factors. It pains me greatly that any human could be that shallow.
As for women, people might argue that marital sex is a obligation that a wife has to her husband and I suppose that is a valid argument. I suppose if a wife makes the conscious decision to withhold sex from her spouse that he might have the right to call the marriage off. My opinion is that if a man is capable of throwing away someone who truly loves him because of that, the woman is infinitely better off without him as MANY older women are discovering.
20yrsinBranson
Such a male chauvinistic view of world, to think that sex is desired by men and given up by women as an obligation.
Last edited by messedupinthehead; 10-14-2014 at 03:02 PM..
Seriously? You are joking right? Just the fact that you have written "Wife" and "Girlfriend" in the same sentence is insulting to them both.
Fix your mess at home, leave the woman at work alone and seek professional therapy for your own issues.
Mentioning them together is reality.
Insulting them and name calling is not appreciated.
Thanks!
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