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I'm too picky, and I actually like being alone... which doesn't exactly motivate me to find someone, lol. I'm very old fashioned, conservative, and have strong values. That doesn't mesh well with the modern dating scene, or most men in general. I don't really want to be intimate with someone before a relationship is established and I really consider them a close friend and feel a love connection, and I don't want to date someone who drinks or hooks up with random women, parties etc. On the other hand, I'm not overly religious, so I also don't want to date someone who's too far on the other side of the spectrum. Obviously trying to find someone like-minded who isn't already taken is a challenge. I probably could if I put in the effort, but the second issue is I just genuinely enjoy my freedom and having my own hobbies and interests and spare time, that I don't have to delegate to another person. Relationships are a lot of time and work, and I want to focus on myself, advance in my education, career, and if the right person comes along, so be it but I'm not going to worry about it. I also live alone for the first time (I previously had renters) and I love it. I don't really want to give that up just yet.
Other than this refreshing post, this thread it very depressing.
Only a few here are single and seem to enjoy it. Everybody else who isn't single by choice and knows their issues - why not work on yourself? Too much effort and you rather keep complaining? Hmmm.
I like it here, and have invested too much of myself here to move to a city with better public transportation options, right now.
Just had this conversation with my still single 40 something yr old girlfriend. She's had a string of relationships that seem to fizzle early on and who's starting to think it's HER. I happen to think she's perfect. We've been friends since we were toddlers. She's beautiful, well spoken, intelligent, so much fun, loves to travel…could it be the guys she's attracted to that are the problem?? Who knows. But I don't know what she's like in the context of a relationship. I only know what she's like as a friend. So I can't give her much input
I'm not 40 yet, but this describes me! I can attract guys here and there, and they seem enthralled by my intelligence and wit so we go out on a few dates and then they disappear. So it's hard to know just what I do that turns them off since I don't get actual feedback
I've been wondering the exact same things lately. Through the years I've asked male friends and exes if there's anything I need to change. They mostly say nothing. The one thing a guy friend said was the problem is something I can't change and has nothing to do with me as a person. Another friend who ruled me out as a potential partner for the same reason years later confessed to me that it was a mistake, I'm a good woman and he regrets not giving me a chance.
But for the most part, my guy friends have told me I'm the full package and they don't understand why I am perpetually dateless.
The issue I have is that men find me really attractive and develop feelings for me (and confess these feelings), but they never want to pull the trigger I recently met a guy who I gave my number to. He said he really liked me, thought I was sexy and that we should spend time together. I never heard from him again after that. Men have told me that they like but they don't want to date me. So far I have not been able to figure out the problem.
It seems it is only married men who actually want to go out with me, while single men want nothing to do with me. But I don't mess with married men so they are never even a remote consideration for me.
I'm also great at attracting the married men while the single guys barely glance at me (and I'm with ya, no messing with the married guys)
I have a touch of social anxiety (always have), so to say I'm shy is an understatement. But yeah, I am.
Good point RE: intelligence. I rarely meet men that interest me, and that comes off as sounding conceited to some, but I can't help that a big part of it is intelligence. Most men *I* meet can't hold a conversation with me that gets my attention...I need to be mentally stimulated by my mate, and for some reason I don't meet many men that fulfill that requirement.
Yeah, this is an issue for me too.
I can date nice men who are reasonably attractive, but they do nothing to stimulate me intellectually.
Most men are terrible at seducing too (both emotionally and physically). They don't know how to woo a woman. If I have to prod someone along, then I feel like I'm their big sister or something. It just kills all sex appeal.
I've realized there are lots of hideous people, in terms of looks and/or inner person, who are in relationships. There is nothing so terribly wrong with me (or many others who are single & would prefer not to be) that it could not be overlooked just as with the many flaws others possess; such individuals are deemed deserving of love and able to function as good partners, imperfections and all.
IMO, the issue with "flaws" is not often how bad they are, but how common they are. The more common you are (including your flaws), the better chance you will have to find someone who will understand your flaws enough to overlook them. Being unusual, including in your areas of deficit, makes it harder to find someone compatible. You start to join very narrow pool, and the narrower the pool, the less success you'll having in pairing off. The catch-22 is, if you seek to broaden out and have wider appeal, then you end up with people you don't find all that appealing or compatible, even if you've managed to attract them.
I put myself down (will address later)
i don't put myself out there (will address later)
have high standards
not really interested in dating
do not approach strangers
The reason why I put myself down is because I always find flaws in me which I think most women would not find attractive. Even though I have my finances in order with nice house and cars and such, I am still searching for a career. (and that's what I'm focusing on now) So i guess you can say finding a career supersedes finding a partner as of right now. And since I don't have that career, i feel that I'm not good enough. Since I am overweight, (not moribly obese ) I FEEL like i have to have that career to be an attractive option for a female. I also have high physical standards. And I know it's not fair and I'm starting to change my views on that. Don't get me wrong, I am attracted to most women with different shape, but a "hot girl" has a huge advantage over an average looking girl. I won't even give the average looking girl two looks before i deemed her as "not dateable" But if the girl is hot, I would deem her as "super dateable" (im getting better at this since I'm meeting more women and starting to get more attracted to average looking women) And I NEVER approach a stranger that's a female unless we have something in common. (i like her shoes, if she likes a certain sports team, etc...) I wouldn't know what to say to her anyways if I did. (i missed out on a huge opportunity earlier today; still kicking myself)
I know that I'm not trying too hard to find myself a gf or even a date. I don't do OLD due to personal preferences, and I don't ask friends to hook me up with their single friends. Right now, I'm focused on getting that career and trying to figure out which step to take first. I do have attractive qualities since quite a few female friends find me attractive with my sense of humor and they feel "safe around me." Even though I am not a lost cause, I think I need to try harder than the average Joe to get a girl friend.
I also feel that I've been relying way too much on online dating.
Although there is nothing wrong with online dating (I met a man I ended up falling head over heels in love with online about 3 years ago), I still feel like my chances of meeting someone that's right for me is way higher out "in the real world"....
I want to show my intent on pursuing a wholesome relationship. Sex is just a "thing" most men fall for, but in my mind a relationship is much more than that. I'm thought of as hookup material by girls in their early 20's, but not relationship material.
I want slightly more matured women, is it ok to start searching for someone 3-5 years older than me ? Will they give me a chance ?
I'm not the online person, I prefer to meet up in person and talk about things.
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