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I have a touch of social anxiety (always have), so to say I'm shy is an understatement. But yeah, I am.
Good point RE: intelligence. I rarely meet men that interest me, and that comes off as sounding conceited to some, but I can't help that a big part of it is intelligence. Most men *I* meet can't hold a conversation with me that gets my attention...I need to be mentally stimulated by my mate, and for some reason I don't meet many men that fulfill that requirement.
The social anxiety you can do something about. There are therapists who specialize in that. Outgoing people tend to have magnetic personalities. They give out a vibe that draws people to them. So that's something you can work on.
As for how to zero in on the right demographic for your brain power, that's more of a challenge. Are you in a job that fully utilizes your talents, so that you're in a position to meet people who are your true peers? Consider going back to school, if that's an option, (Part-time, or whatever) to boost yourself to a higher level. Try going to professional conferences in your field, or volunteering at museums, going to book readings/signings at bookstores, doing activities that draw intellectual people (or whatever your groove is). Figure out how to target the kind of people you're looking for.
But before you can do any of those strategies, resolving the social anxiety would be fundamental.
Well, it's not your looks, that's for sure. You are smokin hot.
I think it is a lot of factors that play in. Your environment, your expectations, your standards, .....
Thanks *blushes*
But seriously, I know there are a lot of contributors. Sometimes I just wish I had someone I could ask, "Hey....what, if anything, am I doing wrong here?" And maybe I'd find it was nothing. I'm just saying it would be nice if it's me...to have some sort of confirmation. I guess what I'm getting at is I'm not exactly sure I'm insightful enough to be able to tell if it's something I'm doing or not doing that's affecting my ability to be in a relationship.
It's especially hard when you have friends that go straight from one relationship to another....even if they're long term relationships. I have friend that are just....never single. I'm just realizing I'm pretty much 'the single friend'...the one that's always alone. Not that that title bothers me, but...I'm just thinking about it more lately I guess.
It's especially hard when you have friends that go straight from one relationship to another....even if they're long term relationships. I have friend that are just....never single. I'm just realizing I'm pretty much 'the single friend'...the one that's always alone. Not that that title bothers me, but...I'm just thinking about it more lately I guess.
People who are more average have less trouble finding partners, because average is, obviously, the majority position. Also, a lot of people aren't all that discerning. You see them going from one relationship to another, but think of it this way-- they're also going from one breakup to another. They have a lot more drama in their lives, because they're probably not making good choices.
IMO your basic issue is the social anxiety. Wallflowers, even hot ones, get overlooked. You're sidelining yourself. Addressing that issue with some professional help will be a good investment in yourself.
I think the majority of people who claim to want a relationship and put themselves out there, but have little to no success probably have self-destructive tendencies. In that, I mean that they are probably not making themselves as available as they need to be, or they're overly discounting the people who show interest in them.
The idea that there is a perfect match for people is extremely rare IMO. I don't buy it. I think if you look at any relationship, there's more than likely going to be some compromises going on between the two parties. Yet, I believe there are still people out there that buy into this silly notion that unless the other person is an absolute perfect match, then they're not going to waste their time. The no compromise mentality is fine if that's how you want to manage things. However, you should probably be prepared to be single for a long time, because perfect matches are extremely rare.
I see people of all walks of life in relationships. Ugly, fat, skinny, stupid, beautiful, intelligent, rich, poor, exciting, boring, etc. The garbage spewed on this forum that you need to have X, Y, and Z in order to attract a mate is bogus pseudo-logic at best coming from people who haven't a clue what they're talking about. The difference between those people in relationships and those who can't lock it down is that, at some point, they decided to compromise on certain expectations and accept their partner for who they are (flaws and all).
Don't get me wrong. It's good to be picky to an extent. Obviously there's got to be something between you two to make it work. However, if you start tossing people aside because they have a slight physical imperfection, or they're not as tall as you'd want them to be, then yeah, it's totally you who has problems.
For me it must be looks and/or perhaps something attractive is missing. After twenty years of knowing women are not interested its hard to think women could actually could be interested as well.
It's especially hard when you have friends that go straight from one relationship to another....even if they're long term relationships. I have friend that are just....never single. I'm just realizing I'm pretty much 'the single friend'...the one that's always alone. Not that that title bothers me, but...I'm just thinking about it more lately I guess.
That doesn't mean anything. I used to go from one long term relationship to another within a few weeks. It might just mean they have low standards.
I am single now since a while because I don't want to make these mistakes again.
I am single (going on 5 years) because I am taking my time--I want to "go slow" and get it right this time. I've been married, went though divorce when my ex walked out on me and I am not having any more children, so I don't have the "biological clock" ticking in my ear rushing me to "get married" and "have kids." I have a happy and fulfilling life and plenty of close family and friends, so don't have a "need" to be in a romantic relationship. Don't get me wrong, I am not looking for a "perfect" man--but I am looking for a man who is right for me (and me right for him too). I am not going to settle for someone out of convenience, fear, desperation, etc. Yes, I'd still like to be in a close, loving relationship with a man, but there is no reason for me to force it or rush myself into one. I have plenty of time and if it happens and I meet a good match, it happens... if not, I have no regrets.
Last edited by jillabean; 10-15-2014 at 03:03 PM..
Reason why I'm single is because I choose to be. I've never struggled dating/obtaining a woman, however, keeping them by my side has been an issue. Perhaps, I'm just not geared to be in long term relationships, or I just haven't found the right woman (shrug shoulders).
Whatever the case, I'm very happy with my singldom; casually dating without commitment, enjoying my hobbies, traveling around the world on a whim, doing whatever I want, date whomever I want, spending ridiculous amounts of money on stuff I don't need, etc, Lol. My life is very unencumbered and I'm loving it
Oh yeah, I got some relationship issues, but I really don't care to address them, to be honest. I'll cross that bridge when I find the right woman
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