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But seriously - I am well into living with my partners - but I also do value personal space in relationships too. We have our own rooms and sometimes we are alone in them - sometimes we are not. But the option is always there.
So while the not living together does not work for many people - myself included - there is certainly a useful middle ground of separation that can be used while living together.
I love a rainy weekend day where we're both in the house but doing our own thing, in separate rooms on separate floors. We might bring each other a snack or a drink when we take a break from whatever we're doing, and sometimes we'll even text each other. Just doing our own thing, separate, but still together.
I don't understand why she doesn't realize people live together out of convenience. The goal is to be together longer and with longer hours on the job and commute times, the only way to do that is to live together. No one moves in together because they are curious how the other brushes his teeth or does his bed time routine. No one moves in together to lose their independence. Those are sacrifices you make just to spend a bit more time together. Obviously if I lived 5 minutes away from my significant other, moving in together wouldn't be on top of the list.
I don't understand why she doesn't realize people live together out of convenience. The goal is to be together longer and with longer hours on the job and commute times, the only way to do that is to live together. No one moves in together because they are curious how the other brushes his teeth or does his bed time routine. No one moves in together to lose their independence. Those are sacrifices you make just to spend a bit more time together. Obviously if I lived 5 minutes away from my significant other, moving in together wouldn't be on top of the list.
Convenience of what? The author mentioned its cheaper to combine households and living separately is not a good option if your going to have children. I think one of the points is that you do not want to necessarily spend a bit more time together.
I liked the article. I feel the say way.
Some people on the forum that know me, know that I've been with "Mrs. Chow" for 20 plus yrs, we're not married. If things come up and someone we don't know might make some kind of reference such as your wife or your husband, we usually half the time don't bother with correcting them, I mean we do sometimes, but whatever, it's just easier to not always have to explain. Just today I just went to lunch with some co-workers and someone asked me if I ever got married, he knew was with the same woman for a long time. I just said no and said it wasn't for us.
The not living together part, I can see some couples doing it, and matter of fact, I hear it's becoming a popular trend these days. People can have their own space, aren't in each others way, etc etc. I don't balk at the idea, it does make some sense.
That being said, it's not for me. Mrs. Chow might feeling differently at time though....
Last edited by Chowhound; 10-16-2014 at 01:43 PM..
In my experience, sex life stops with marriage---- guaranteed. sex life does not stop with cohabitation it stops when she quits her job and stops paying rent.
I like having my own space. I do hope to do the whole married with children some day, but for now it's just me and my doggy Max. I do spend 2 or 3 weekends a month at his place, but I know I can always retreat to my own little cozy sanctuary. Living with someone else just doesn't appeal to me at present whether it be a b/f or just a roommate.
This is how I feel about it too. I am part of the 23% the article said would prefer to live separate from their lover. I do think this feeling is more common among people like me, who have been married and are now divorced. I took a big hit both emotionally and financially when my ex-husband left and the divorce happened. I've been living on my own now for five years (really for the first time in my life since I went right from college to being married) and I really don't want to give it up. And I've known couples just like what it mentioned in the article... together for YEARS but living apart. They seem happy. That's what I want.
Funny thing, when I've brought it up in this forum in the past, posters get mad at me saying I want my cake and eat it too. That what I want is "impossible."
"This is how I feel about it too. I am part of the 23% the article said would prefer to live separate from their lover"
I'm with you and other like minded people on this one.
I think we're rare critters, but believe me you're far from alone in totally getting the author's point. I'm holding onto that article, thanks.
PS:
Call me old fashioned, but I strongly suspect women are (still) under more pressure to marry than men. If married, then almost-always living together and having children with the spouse.
There are plenty of other people in this world like that author...2.2 million in the U.K., apparently...and she makes a good case there should be more. I am pretty much like that, too, btw hence empathized pretty closely with her perspective.
When men don't get married and "start a family," including cohabitation, they just assume we're closeted gay, weird, or (best case) eccentric. I have no problem with gay or weird or eccentric people, so find it all a bit amusing. And here I was, damn fool believing the American Way was in-fact about "rugged individualism" and "independence, by God." Or so I was taught. Perhaps I learned too well.
Much like the guy mentioned in that story, the (late) cartoonist, I have my own place that is tastefully decorated and ain't gonna have a wife and house full of kids running around. Ever. At this point, it'd be absurdly inconvenient for everyone and would explode like a mushroom cloud in about six months, financially and otherwise. The points mentioned in the article, for both men and women, totally resonate with me.
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Fixed that for you...
