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Some of you men on CD think you're the only ones who've been disappointed, hurt or rejected. You think you're the only ones afraid of being mistreated or misunderstood.
Well, ya know what? We're all walking wounded (or at least anyone over the age of about 25 is). Every one of us. If we haven't had our hearts broken in love, then we've lost dear friendships or relationships with family members. We've all suffered and cried and cursed and mourned. We've all recovered to the best of our abilities and learned to get on with it, battered and bruised.
Sure, it'll make you a little apprehensive and cautious. Of course. But angry? How's that going to help? The only one you're hurting with all your anger is yourselves.
I'd rather be apprehensive and cautious than allow another woman to screw me over like the last 2 did.
There have been a good amount of guys in my life who have told me after the fact that they had had a crush on me for a long time. I never knew this and would never have guessed it, because they acted so cold towards me, aloof, to the point where I felt like they wanted nothing to do with me. I felt insignificant to them.
They said they acted that way because they didn't think I would go for them and they didn't want to put themselves out there to be shot down. But the truth is, had they just told me, it would have been a different story. Instead they acted like they didn't care if I existed.
Why do some guys do this? Are they that afraid of rejection that they'd rather hide their true feelings no matter what?
Yes.
Let me clue you in on something.
The aggressive macho guy? That's actually maybe 1/3 or 1/4 of the population. They're introverted to start with, and then girls after the guy works up the nerve to ask her out, get shot down, are they likely to try again as easily?
Look. Do the guy a favor, give his nerves a rest! Girls tend to learn the fine art of conversation since childhood, guys have trouble going up to random people and starting a conversation, because unless they are *******s that don't care about rejection because they don't care about the feelings of people, they actually are hurt when the girl turns them down.
He could be seeking you out. He likes knowing that he has your attention when he wants it, and now that he doesn't he's chasing after you.
I once knew this guy who seemed to have a crush on me but he kept doing stupid, childish things like flirting with other girls in front of me to make me jealous. This really irritated me so I stopped paying attention to him altogether. Once he realized his antics weren't going to work on me and would actually push me away, he was INSTANTLY into me even more. I think he was used to being able to walk all over women and still get what he wanted, and when I didn't play his game he was quite impressed by that.
I don't want a guy like that lol. I'm done with him, he won't get another second of my time. I think that he takes advantage of the idea that I have to be friendly to him at work, but I'm not one of those people who thinks they have to be friendly to people who tick me off. If he doesn't cool it, I'm eventually going to snap and then I'll really chase him away!
I don't want a guy like that lol. I'm done with him, he won't get another second of my time. I think that he takes advantage of the idea that I have to be friendly to him at work, but I'm not one of those people who thinks they have to be friendly to people who tick me off. If he doesn't cool it, I'm eventually going to snap and then I'll really chase him away!
Do it! Put your foot down. I bet he'll respect you for it.
How is my thinking faulty? Sure, I can get into a relationship but feelings change. What's to say she won't turn on me after a month? After casually dating 2 women, it's enough to have my guard up towards them all.
In dating, as with every single thing you do in life, you get out of it what you put into it.
You are are not willing to be serious and get to know someone, therefore no one is going to take you seriously or want to get to know you.
Two-way street.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27
I'd rather be apprehensive and cautious than allow another woman to screw me over like the last 2 did.
I don't often say this, but it sounds like you need the help of a qualified, board-certified therapist. To be so timid and frightened after casually dating only 2 women speaks of a fear of intimacy that is pathological on some level.
Really. Casually dating 2 women barely qualifies as dating experience, and it most definitely does not qualify as relationship experience. There is no way they could mess you over if it was only casual.
Please, get some help. It really sounds like you need it.
In dating, as with every single thing you do in life, you get out of it what you put into it.
You are are not willing to be serious and get to know someone, therefore no one is going to take you seriously or want to get to know you.
Two-way street.
I don't often say this, but it sounds like you need the help of a qualified, board-certified therapist. To be so timid and frightened after casually dating only 2 women speaks of a fear of intimacy that is pathological on some level.
Really. Casually dating 2 women barely qualifies as dating experience, and it most definitely does not qualify as relationship experience. There is no way they could mess you over if it was only casual.
Please, get some help. It really sounds like you need it.
He had 2 full-fledged relationships, though they were short-lived. Both women cheated on him.
Okay, so because it took you three tries to adjust your woman-picker to "good," it's okay for you to generalize about an entire gender save one? And of course, it's all your ex-wives' fault your marriages failed. You had nothing to do with it all, eh?
And if you refuse to adapt and live in the world you currently occupy and are miserable for it, you have only yourself to blame. Time marches on and progress waits for no one.
Man, I would hate to have such a rose-colored and undoubtedly inaccurate idea of the past that I fixate on it at the expense of the present. You say marriage was good for men in your grandparents' time. Well, it sucked for women. Those WWII people you talk about? That's my parents' generation. I know them more intimately than you do. Part of what makes your grandparents' marriage seem so great is because the bad things just weren't spoken about in polite society. When you grow up seeing it first hand as a child, though, you get a much clearer picture from among your aunts and uncles, your parents, and your parents' friends. Imagine choosing between being dominated and/or man-handled and a roof over your head/food in your children's stomachs. That's something you men have NEVER had to choose between, and now that there is a little bit of equality, y'all want to throw a tantrum like so:
Cry me a river. Really. A big, damn, long, flowing river.
Oh please. Even if women were oppressed (which I don't believe that they ever were), YOU did not experience it. You have only experienced the numerous benefits of the feminist movement for women. So (maybe) your gender was oppressed. But YOU were not.
However, as men today, we actually ARE currently oppressed. It's great that many generations before us ruled the world. Unfortunately, none of us men today get to experience that.
Reagan and Bush 2 cut back on taxes for the wealthy, AND financial markets were deregulated (oh, and did I mention the wars we can't afford?), and all of a sudden, the US economy is in the toilet, government lacks the basic funds to cover Social Security and maintain infrastructure (let alone--to develop new infrastructure), and masses of people end up homeless and we're in a recession, which ripples through the global economy, putting everyone on shakier ground.
And your solution to the huge tax rollbacks, stock market deregulation/chaos, and wars we can't afford is...what? Send women back to the Victorian Age, but let financial institutions keep up their shell games, let the wealthy keep skating on paying their share of taxes, let Social Security and state pensions crash, and keep bombing and droning entire nations and innocent people into oblivion?
I don't think you have a clue how much this says about you, and what, exactly, it says about you.
We're beyond solutions now. The only thing that can save us is a time machine. So, no, my solution is not to go back to the Victorian Age. I don't believe there is a way that the US can be saved anymore. My personal solution is to be on the right side of the decline of the middle class and income inequality (which is working out for me so far). Money solves all problems.
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