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Old 12-30-2007, 07:26 PM
 
Location: in drifts of snow wherever you go
2,522 posts, read 288,398 times
Reputation: 692
Quote:
Originally Posted by cantana View Post
Thats about what it seems like to me too miu. and I sure dont know how to fix it. We're actually talking about going separate ways.
I dont want a relationship where i am made to feel bad when i just want to be left alone.
I don't blame you. I don't think I could endure a relationship like that very long. I'd rather have a partner that cares about me and my needs too.
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Old 12-30-2007, 07:27 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
12,992 posts, read 21,778,067 times
Reputation: 10145
You've got a 2 year old child together so you both should try to keep it all together. Does taking care of your 2 yr old make you tired also? Your husband sulking when he doesn't get sex makes him sound like a child himself.

Well if I were you, I would tell your husband that you'd like to bring the romance back into your marriage. Just tell him that you're interested in making love, but his attitude has turn it into sex and a wifely duty which is a turnoff to you. And to ask him to have some patience since your 2 yr needs extra nurturing at this point in its life. Do you have a family member like your mom that can take the child once a week for you? Or even once a month would be a start. Did you and your husband both want this child equally? Is he a good dad? Can he help you out with the evening chores at night so that you have more energy later on?
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Old 12-30-2007, 07:28 PM
 
12,503 posts, read 17,905,037 times
Reputation: 13479
Quote:
Originally Posted by gbone View Post
He wants what he wants when he wants it!?!? He's just acting like any 2 year old. Tell him to grow up and realize that a healthy relationship is about both people's needs with compromise on both sides.
I agree. He sounds machismo and she is supposed to be subservient. Riiiiiiight. If he wants "relief" then he can take care of that himself. If he wants a relationship then he needs to romance you and place you in the mood, not sulk if you don't get all excited when he snaps his fingers. This is only going to get worse if this isn't addressed and corrected now. Sorry.
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Old 12-30-2007, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Obama playing field
716 posts, read 1,369,375 times
Reputation: 361
Quote:
Originally Posted by SmokyMtnGal View Post
I agree. He sounds machismo and she is supposed to be subservient. Riiiiiiight. If he wants "relief" then he can take care of that himself. If he wants a relationship then he needs to romance you and place you in the mood, not sulk if you don't get all excited when he snaps his fingers. This is only going to get worse if this isn't addressed and corrected now. Sorry.
Wow... That would certainly set me straight .. +reps
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Old 12-30-2007, 07:37 PM
 
Location: the show-me state
672 posts, read 1,495,559 times
Reputation: 742
Quote:
Originally Posted by cantana View Post
Thats about what it seems like to me too miu. and I sure dont know how to fix it. We're actually talking about going separate ways.
I dont want a relationship where i am made to feel bad when i just want to be left alone.

Well, you said you wanted to hear from us men too, so here I go. First off, I've never been a "player" type of guy, but I've had a few relationships, been married once, and am currently engaged to a wonderful woman. And, I have never, ever, in all my time been with a woman who wanted sex each and every day. Your man just needs to edcucate himself on how hormone changes can affect desire in most women, and some men as well. I think miu said that making love, and just having sex was very different. And that is so true. If my woman is in one of those "lets get this over with" type moods, then I'm more content to just wait until our passionate feelings are more in line with each others. It just has so much more meaning when it can be that way. I really don't have an answer for you here, except to say that I'm on your side. You aren't being unreasonable in this situation, he is the one being that way. Whatever you two decide, I wish you good luck.
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Old 12-30-2007, 07:37 PM
 
Location: Menver, CO
388 posts, read 21,199 times
Reputation: 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by cantana View Post
and i said at least 4x a wk.... there are plenty times he does get daily, or darn near close.
It's just that 4 times a week doesn't sound like much. I understand you want time to do other things, but how long does sex take? 15-30 minutes? I don't think he's asking too much from you.
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Old 12-30-2007, 07:41 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,002 posts, read 13,023,795 times
Reputation: 12208
I don't think 4 times a week is very much either.

Cantana, how was the relationship before you were married and before the child? Were you doing it every day then??
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Old 12-30-2007, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
5,097 posts, read 9,995,671 times
Reputation: 5750
Cantana, I also think he's being unreasonable. Let him spend the entire day with a 2-year-old, and see how much energy he has at the end of that day! He might rethink his position on this issue.

I don't understand men who think that just because they're married, they can suddenly demand sex on tap. You're trying to be a loving wife, and yet he's still dissatisfied? I shudder to think what would happen if you got sick and couldn't have sex for two or three weeks.

You deserve time to yourself as well. Maybe you could ask him to watch your 2-year-old for an hour each night or even every other night, so you can soak in a bubble bath and read, and get some general "down time"? We all need that!

On the other hand, maybe he has heard stories about how sex becomes much more infrequent after a couple gets married and has children, and maybe he's scared that this is going to happen to you guys. His way of dealing with it isn't the most mature, but men can't always communicate the way we'd like them to.
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Old 12-30-2007, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Orlando
8,183 posts, read 11,202,621 times
Reputation: 49394
Quote:
Originally Posted by ditto View Post
It's just that 4 times a week doesn't sound like much. I understand you want time to do other things, but how long does sex take? 15-30 minutes? I don't think he's asking too much from you.
I'm shaking my head at your comments...truly...have you ever had to care for a toddler, keep tabs on teenagers, keep the house up, and a meal on the table every night just to have your man demand that you cater to his "needs" because he "deserves" it?

I agree with the others....making love and having sex are two different things. Make him bring the romance back......
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Old 12-30-2007, 08:12 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
12,992 posts, read 21,778,067 times
Reputation: 10145
Quote:
Originally Posted by ditto View Post
It's just that 4 times a week doesn't sound like much. I understand you want time to do other things, but how long does sex take? 15-30 minutes? I don't think he's asking too much from you.
How old are you and what's the longest relationship you've been in? And have you ever lived with a s/o?
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