Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I can tell you what some men would think - WOO HOO!!!
There are men who prefer to know they aren't sleeping with someone who's been sleeping with other guys in the recent past.
And if there is reasonable explanation for the lack of a relationship I think most guys would be willing to give you a shot
Pretty much agree with this.
I myself have gone on long breaks from dating. Not sure I would even discover this piece of info early on unless volunteered. When eventually discovered it won't matter; we will want to continue or not for other reasons.
A very classical reason for this is a lady who has been widowed. It can take her years to get to a mental place where she can date again. In at least 3 cases, I have interacted with a widow, if that gets to the crux of your question OP....
What do Men think of Women who have not had a relationship, and sex for 8 years?
Would it make you steer clear away?
Or??
Please explain what you think.
Hmm. Haven't run into that. If I were single (I'm married so this is just for fun), my 100% honest opinion, as a man, who would be looking at such a woman, these thoughts would cross my mind:
1. She must not have much sexual desire. Sexless Relationship Watch has been issued by the National Relationship Weather Service.
2. She's "too independent" for commitment.
3. She doesn't like anyone or has ridiculously high standards.
4. There's some other major thing wrong.
Sorry, but that's what I'd think. Doesn't mean I wouldn't date her if I liked her, but at least for a while, I'd have those concerns until she proved otherwise.
im thinking im looking pretty good in the comparison department , id be the best she had in almost a decade...
My concern would be that she doesn't really want to "have it" and that would pose a problem about 9 months in, once the honeymoon period wears off a bit.
second question is: why? why haven't you had a sex or relationship is 8 years?
third question: what's changed to think it could be different with us?
then we will see if there is any chemistry, compatibility, potential re just being friends or anything romantic, long term. i wouldn't run away, but the burden is on you to prove you are ready and capable of being involved in an emotional relationship cuz your history already says that you don't have a good track record for that.
sorry, you wanted honesty. but i do wish you have gotten over your issues and that you make an effort to left those impediments behind in your past. good luck.
Yikes! All these men thinking that a woman who hasn't been in a relationship hates sex. I love sex and would do it every night if I could find a man to keep up, lol. But it's going on five years since I had a relationship (almost had one... or at least I thought I had one until the guy got weird on me and decided he no longer wanted a long distance relationship and he rather chase a married woman. We were never "official" though -- as in told family and friends we were a couple. So I guess that doesn't count. I don't know.)
I better hurry up and get in a relationship because I don't want to end up with a guy who he doesn't like sex and things I don't as well because I haven't been in a relationship in years.
OP, us divorced mom's have it rough. It's just the way it is really. People judge you and assume all kinds of things. First, a lot of men figure the divorce was all your fault because you are the woman (which is why I really actively spell out.. my ex came out as gay and LEFT ME). These men are just raw from their own divorces where they wife left them and they see every woman as being "just like the ex-wife." Most men will heal over time, but a few hang on the the bitterness. It's like they are physiological masochist who want to assume the worse in life. They are best avoided anyway, so no big loss.
Some men figure if you are single and raising kids that you have baggage and are damaged goods. Doesn't matter what the reason is: you husband left you, your husband died and you are a widow, or you and your baby's father didn't believe in marriage and split up. A lot assume you are looking for some man to pay for your kids and raise them as their own (I always find this offensive... like they think they can just move in with a woman with kids and take over her life because they are dating her).
And then, after the divorce, you are so broken (both heart and as a person) that if you take time to heal and don't jump right back into a relationship, then you are "scared to commit" or there is something "wrong" with you. God forbid you take a few years after a multiple year marriage to get back on your "emotional feet." And if you don't act like loose and give sex to every guy you meet, then you "hate sex."
It seems like you just can't win... but the truth is you can. It just takes more effort and such than before marriage is all. There are a lot of good men out there who won't assume the worst about you just because you've been a young single mom for a few years. They can be hard to find (or at least seem that way), but they are out there.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
Yikes! All these men thinking that a woman who hasn't been in a relationship hates sex.
I hope you didn't put me in this boat. It's two different things. A good chunk of my female friends haven't been in a relationship for years. Of course, the ones that really love having sex still have plenty of sex. They just don't have relationships, or committed / LT ones anyway.
I don't care about the no relationship part. That's cool. I like independent people. The not having sex for 8 years or whatever gives pause for concern.
I hope you didn't put me in this boat. It's two different things. A good chunk of my female friends haven't been in a relationship for years. Of course, the ones that really love having sex still have plenty of sex. They just don't have relationships, or committed / LT ones anyway.
I don't care about the no relationship part. That's cool. I like independent people. The not having sex for 8 years or whatever gives pause for concern.
I didn't have sex for 10 years. Most of that time I was married and my ex didn't want sex (hey, he's openly gay now, so that explains why). Then I was divorced and didn't date or anything--I just recovered both emotionally and financially (I was in not spot to date. I was living on a shoestring to pay of divorce debt).
But I love sex and would have it every night if I could. I just don't like casual sex for a variety of reasons... but mainly because I get attached and then really hurt. For me, it's worth waiting for a solid, stick around guy before doing the deed. And then I will give him no rest and no mercy! Buwahahaha
Yikes! All these men thinking that a woman who hasn't been in a relationship hates sex. I love sex and would do it every night if I could find a man to keep up, lol. But it's going on five years since I had a relationship (almost had one... or at least I thought I had one until the guy got weird on me and decided he no longer wanted a long distance relationship and he rather chase a married woman. We were never "official" though -- as in told family and friends we were a couple. So I guess that doesn't count. I don't know.)
I better hurry up and get in a relationship because I don't want to end up with a guy who he doesn't like sex and things I don't as well because I haven't been in a relationship in years.
OP, us divorced mom's have it rough. It's just the way it is really. People judge you and assume all kinds of things. First, a lot of men figure the divorce was all your fault because you are the woman (which is why I really actively spell out.. my ex came out as gay and LEFT ME). These men are just raw from their own divorces where they wife left them and they see every woman as being "just like the ex-wife." Most men will heal over time, but a few hang on the the bitterness. It's like they are physiological masochist who want to assume the worse in life. They are best avoided anyway, so no big loss.
Some men figure if you are single and raising kids that you have baggage and are damaged goods. Doesn't matter what the reason is: you husband left you, your husband died and you are a widow, or you and your baby's father didn't believe in marriage and split up. A lot assume you are looking for some man to pay for your kids and raise them as their own (I always find this offensive... like they think they can just move in with a woman with kids and take over her life because they are dating her).
And then, after the divorce, you are so broken (both heart and as a person) that if you take time to heal and don't jump right back into a relationship, then you are "scared to commit" or there is something "wrong" with you. God forbid you take a few years after a multiple year marriage to get back on your "emotional feet." And if you don't act like loose and give sex to every guy you meet, then you "hate sex."
It seems like you just can't win... but the truth is you can. It just takes more effort and such than before marriage is all. There are a lot of good men out there who won't assume the worst about you just because you've been a young single mom for a few years. They can be hard to find (or at least seem that way), but they are out there.
Good luck!
Good points all.
I personally said I'd have concerns, but that I'd still give her a chance if I liked her. I realize you weren't addressing me personally, but wanted to get that out there. I think a lot of guys would agree - yes, its' a concern, but not enough of one to avoid dating her, as are the other concerns. EVERYONE has a story, though.
It is tough. For anyone. Just any guy who has ever been in a sexless relationship will be very gun-shy and look for "red flags", that being one of them. I was, and thankfully did NOT marry her, now the one I did marry - no problems in that department. However, I stuck around with the sexless one longer than I should have, naively hoping it would get better and never did.
I didn't have sex for 10 years. Most of that time I was married and my ex didn't want sex (hey, he's openly gay now, so that explains why). Then I was divorced and didn't date or anything--I just recovered both emotionally and financially (I was in not spot to date. I was living on a shoestring to pay of divorce debt).
But I love sex and would have it every night if I could. I just don't like casual sex for a variety of reasons... but mainly because I get attached and then really hurt. For me, it's worth waiting for a solid, stick around guy before doing the deed. And then I will give him no rest and no mercy! Buwahahaha
I'm not saying this is you (and have no reason to believe so), but a lot of women say they love sex, but yet, somehow, their SO's would say otherwise.
In some cases, the guy sucks in bed or something else is lacking, but I think there are some women, a small percentage for sure, but enough to be significant, who say they love sex because they're "supposed" to, but could honestly take it or leave it.
I have a relative who went about that long. In the interim several things happened:
1. She had insanely high expectations of men.
2. She became a grandmother (and she loves, loves, loves kids).
3. She had four interstate moves (NY to FL to NY to MD).
4. She went through a significant period of un- and underemployment during and after the recession.
5. One of her kids died.
Of those, four will keep you out of the loop without seeming like something is wrong with you.
It's that first one that's a killer.
When she finally started dating again, she went on POF, the very worst site anyone could go on to find anything more than a hook-up, met a few weirdos, was bored, decided to alleviate that boredom by just going for it with sex, had a lousy experience with a guy who couldn't keep the flag raised (she's in her mid-50s and so is he), got disgusted, and is back to having insanely high expectations of men again.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
