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OP, I would suggest that you read The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. It will teach you to not only pay attention to your instincts but to hone the skill of knowing who's a potential threat, in whatever way. My dad gave me a copy of that book when I was 18 and even though I already considered myself to be pretty smart about men (rigghhhttt....lol) that book gave me the tools to protect myself.
Like others have suggested before me, stop going to guys rooms and expecting it to just be a "make out" session. Honestly, it sounds as if you need to grow up a little and realize a few things about not only yourself but about the opposite sex. Stay a virgin as long as you want to and don't give it up to some fraternity ass&%le who will just brag all over Twitter and FB that he got lucky the previous night. You're worth more than that!
I thought it was but apparently not! We have had too many threads here from naive young girls who think it is OK to "cuddle" with a guy in his bed, or chastely sleep in their underwear next to some poor horny witless dude while making sure he knows there will be no sex.
I seriously can't believe you mentioned this. It happened to me and I told the woman to leave. This was a 30 something. I was traveling for work and had been in a hotel for over 3 months. I offered for her to come spend the night. She packed a bag and came over. We had dinner and came back to the hotel. Had some drinks, she was in her white long t-shirt and she pulled the breaks and said she only wants to cuddle.. I told her to leave ever so nicely.
She didn't understand why I didn't just want to cuddle.
I seriously can't believe you mentioned this. It happened to me and I told the woman to leave. This was a 30 something. I was traveling for work and had been in a hotel for over 3 months. I offered for her to come spend the night. She packed a bag and came over. We had dinner and came back to the hotel. Had some drinks, she was in her white long t-shirt and she pulled the breaks and said she only wants to cuddle.. I told her to leave ever so nicely.
She didn't understand why I didn't just want to cuddle.
Too many guys don't have their wits about them enough to do this. But they need to respect themselves too by having dignity enough to refuse.
Stop going back to guys' rooms and making out with them when you first meet them. Problem solved.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
I thought it was but apparently not! We have had too many threads here from naive young girls who think it is OK to "cuddle" with a guy in his bed, or chastely sleep in their underwear next to some poor horny witless dude while making sure he knows there will be no sex.
We used to have a not-so-nice name for girls like that. It's mean and manipulative.
Girls, go home and quit attention seeking.
Oh come on now, you're blaming the poor victim. How is she supposed to know being in a guy's bed half naked sends messages she wants it hard and fast
You are completely right, if I were him I would stop. I could wait and see a woman till we got to know each other better and then having sex. You two don't know each other well, so I understand your position. Good thing you put your foot down.
You set up an expectation by taking the steps to establish intimacy BEFORE you got close enough to feel comfortable with that person.
You went against your own feelings towards Sexual relations and confused the lines for the both of you.
In turn it made him feel rejected and you feel like a bad person
Next time try not to allow yourself to get caught up in the moment and what others want from you or think of you and stick to what you say is your truth.
You know it's a little known secret that's it's okay to not have sex and to remain a virgin until marriage. It cuts a lot of BS out of your life if you wait. Will you get an STD if you remain a virgin, NO. Will you get pregnant? NO. I could go on and on. You do what you feel comfortable doing. Dont let some guy that wont be around in a week pressure you into anything.
Absolutely not. I didn't mean it that way. I need to be friends with the guy and committed with trust established
Some wait until they are in a mutually edifying committed to one another relationship in which both hope to share more than their bodies but possibly want to consider sharing a lifetime instead...and quite frankly stated: That's Wisdom.
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It's Okay To Wait...
