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i know i am going to get some hate mail based on my subject but please do hear me out.
About a year ago i travelled to another country on a business trip and on that trip I met a colleague who works in my firm but in an office located in a country different to mine. As we were all there for work there wasn't much downtime but there was this weird chemistry between him and i, fast fwd a few weeks, we both went back to our respective countries and after a while started chatting, one thing led to another and I expressed my likeness for him. We started chatting alot and soon the chats got slightly pg18. During chats we established that we were friends with benefits maybe and by then we were both eager to met up. Seeing as though we were both from different countries or continents rather we choose a country that was in the middle for both of us. So 3 moths after we started chatting we met and hooked up. Everything changed since that day. From talking day and night to zero talk/chat. Almost as if he wanted to ignore what had happened. i tried to talk and even confront him to which he said he did want to talk about what had happened but just cant find the time. I gave him many chances and even had a few heated conversations. one time he did say that he would meet up again but "its complicated". All the while some of the things he said led me to believe that he has developed feelings for me. i always told him that I like him right from the start (And now i feel like my feelings have gone past like to something more) or did i scare him?? Also i must say that not only are we living in 2 different continents but we're both culturally and religiously different.
My whole dilemma is and why i haven't been able to make peace with it is that why wont he just talk about it. We decided that whatever the case maybe we will talk about it and move on. Even if its along the lines of it was horrible and i never want to do this with you again. we talk about it and move on like adults. But thats not happened and i dont think it will as we go months without talking. It breaks my heart though how quickly we went from chatting 24/7 to not talking in months. You might think i am a fool to think so but my heart says he not one of those people who was just in it to get into my pants and he has feelings for me too but is scared to admit. or maybe i really am silly and naive.
Sorry for the rather lengthy post. Please help!
Last edited by Mikala43; 10-28-2014 at 06:05 PM..
Reason: gender bashing / painting with broad brush
Awww, OP, that's a classic hump and dump he did there. But wow that's just interesting how he rides the plane to get some though. What I want to know is... did you even talk after the deed? I mean like immediately after you had sex you at least talked right? And spent the entire night together.
Also, you really can't force anyone to do what YOU want. Knowing you're continents away, you could have had at least the common sense to face the fact that you really may not have heard from him ever again which is what happened. He didn't force you to sleep with him though. You also wanted it to happen. So it's not ALL his fault.
There is never any guarantee that the other person is going to discuss an issue in the relationship. Many people (men & women) claim up rather than discuss their feelings or get stuck in a confrontation.
That doesn't make a person stupid - that's just how they deal with it. It seems a little junior high, but looking at it from a different POV, it's better to say nothing than say something you might regret later. Not talking can cost the entire relationship, though.
To answer the question from the title of your thread: Mod cut; Orphaned (thread title has been changed)..
After that, you both got what you wanted which was sex with each other and from what you wrote it was understand it was sex only.
Now you want to "talk about it"; what is to talk about? You had sex with him, he had sex with you, over, done move on.
Talk to the dog about "it", you will get a faster and more logical response.
You live in different countries. Sounds like he wanted to have some fun and maybe it wasn't as great as he thought. Or he probably sensed you wanted more than just a fling. Now you keep bothering him to have a serious conversation even though you aren't in a relationship? You don't need to talk about it. Move on and leave this dude alone.
@meaning , thankyou. no we didnt talk much that night. He kissed me on the cheek and went to his room. however when i was planning the trip and booking hotels he did say why dont you spend the night and i said no cuz i thought that was a slippery slope. the distance was never a problem before. also why wont he just say even if its like it ws horrible and i dont like you etc etc
How about not making gross generalizations of all men... I get that's easier to do when you're feeling frustrated....
You might get more answers here instead of you got "pumped and dumped" by some guys on the forum.
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I don't think so.
