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Old 10-31-2014, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Canada
11,771 posts, read 11,986,606 times
Reputation: 30284

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Quote:
Originally Posted by YaFace View Post
The OP is going to look like a fool if she says something. Of course she is the controlling type, because she has serious trust issues. This is going to end badly, and not because of the husband. She will accuse someone of something that is not true. Sex life hasn't changed, and he has no unexplained time (apparently she has him clocked to the second) so why make up stuff that isn't true.
I don't think you were reading the OP that is in this thread because none of what you said applies. The whole premise of the post is wondering if there might be an issue with this woman trying to get close to her husband, a woman who is his coworker and is also supposed to be the OP's friend.

Her gut is telling her something may be off with the woman's intentions, but I don't see anywhere that the OP's husband is acting inappropriately, or that the OP is being insecure or a control freak. There is nothing wrong with protecting your marriage.
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Old 10-31-2014, 07:05 AM
 
Location: east coast
2,846 posts, read 2,962,947 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
Her gut is telling her something may be off with the woman's intentions, but I don't see anywhere that the OP's husband is acting inappropriately, or that the OP is being insecure or a control freak. There is nothing wrong with protecting your marriage.

You are absolutely right. HOWEVER, there are several factors at had. The co-worker needs to respect their marriage. The husband needs to respect and set boundaries. And the OP needs to stop counting the % of who initiates the texts, to what extent the coversation moves along from work to mundane, also stop having tri-text parties. She shouldn't be so heavily involved. She too needs to keep a distance and avoid going crazy.
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Old 10-31-2014, 07:11 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
... he discloses everything, she knowing every detail about their conversation makes me think this guy has a curfew.
No, it's called openness. It's a choice. It shows that he respects his wife and trusts her reaction. Now it's her turn to trust that he will handle this woman if something crosses a line.

Secrets breed sickness in marriage.
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Old 10-31-2014, 07:15 AM
 
12,030 posts, read 9,307,218 times
Reputation: 2845
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrueRulz View Post
This past spring, my husband introduced me to a woman he works with. We both have a lot of the same interests, so he thought we'd make good friends. She actually lives in our neighborhood, so we have met up a few times now and have become friends - she and I really do get along well, and I don't have many other women friends here in OH.

I'm 37 and so is my husband. This woman is 28, single, and gorgeous. I have no reason to believe my husband has any alterior motives here, he rarely talks to her outside work in person unless she and I are doing something and he comes along or she's at our house. They do text but she initiates it 99% of the time.

However, here and there, I've suspected that this woman has alterior motives regarding my husband, and might have more of an interest in him than would be appropriate. She does occasionally text him at home, usually for work purposes (he fully discloses and doesn't hide anything), but then they usually chat a bit about other mundane stuff once the work discussion is over. She texts me too, however, often simultaneously.

Then it got a bit worse. Several times, she has made comments to me (usually without hubby around) that my husband is adorable or that I'm lucky to have him. These comments are becoming more frequent.

I told my husband about the "adorable" comment. He said "yeah, she says that at work sometimes, too, but says it to a lot of people".

However, last week we went for a walk around the neighborhood (hubby, kids and I) and she saw us, looked straight at my husband, got these big wide eyes and smile, and then came up to talk to us.

I'm starting to think she's trying to use me to get to him somehow. I don't have a reason to distrust my husband, but it makes me a bit uncomfortable, even though I'm sure my husband wouldn't take her up on it if she tried to make a move on him. Just the idea she may try. Or, it could be her personality, since she is the type of woman that calls a lot of things "cute" that she likes. What do you think? Am I overthinking this?

I really don't believe an affair is happening, there are no odd late night meetings, my husband rarely goes out of the house for non-work reasons for any length of time, etc. No odd behaviors that would suggest he's hiding anything. If anything, I think he's totally oblivious to the idea that this woman might have a crush or worse on him. Our sex life hasn't changed, either.
Before the Internet era 99% of affairs began at the work place.

The work place provides a situation where co-workers of the opposite sex can spend a lot of time together. Through work they develop common goals and and similar points of views. The closeness often initiates flirtation and sometimes an emotional connection develops. Most folks having affairs at work will say that the affair developed spontaneously and that is was never planned. And then there is a conference away from home, available hotel rooms, and voilá------intercourse.


BTW, it has been said that if a spouses suspect an affair, there is a 90% chance she or he are correct.
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Old 10-31-2014, 07:20 AM
 
17,504 posts, read 38,984,566 times
Reputation: 24195
Not sure what advice to give - but I will say OP has good reason to suspect this woman's motives. Also, while hubby may seem (and be) very faithful, you can never 100% know what is going through his mind. If he is a healthy male, he most certainly is at least attracted to this woman. If she is persistent enough, something could happen. You just never know what could push someone over that edge.

I agree with those who say to cut off the friendship and perhaps discuss this with her husband. Saying nothing is not going to help matters.
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Old 10-31-2014, 07:21 AM
 
Location: east coast
2,846 posts, read 2,962,947 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
No, it's called openness. It's a choice. It shows that he respects his wife and trusts her reaction. Now it's her turn to trust that he will handle this woman if something crosses a line.

Secrets breed sickness in marriage.
Oh hello there! It's been a while!

True but your spouse doesn't need to know what % of who initiates your conversations. They don't need to know the flow of conversation to include when the subjects turn with every person you speak to. Is there anything to hide? No. But this is not disclosure, this is called control. There is a reasonable expectation of privacy. She acting this way doesn't demonstrate trust at all.

And by the way, it is clearly not a choice. He is told that he is oblivious and that he wouldn't do anything even if she ran up on him. She is controlling his every move and thoughts.
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Old 10-31-2014, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
She is controlling his every move and thoughts.
That's quite a leap.
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Old 10-31-2014, 07:35 AM
 
Location: east coast
2,846 posts, read 2,962,947 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
That's quite a leap.
You have figured me out. Should have seen that coming!
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Old 10-31-2014, 08:56 AM
 
3,636 posts, read 3,416,618 times
Reputation: 4324
Apologies for the delay in reply - but your inability to correctly use the Quote function slowed me down some.

Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
No but I know you see no problem in people doing whatever they please in relationships
Not something I have ever claimed anywhere ever. You are continuing this campaign of simply making up things about me it seems. For reasons only you appear to know.

Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
Of couse not but unlike you, some people rather keep a blind man blind and honest.
Then those "some" people - arbitrary, unnamed, unnumbered and uncited people - are just paranoid. However this does not remotely reply to what I am saying. I am saying there is nothing wrong with a guy introducing his wife to someone who he feels they could be friends with. No crime in that. No problem in it. Except when people like you read things into it that simply are not there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
She should be mindful of getting tangled in this triangle.
You are dodging the question. All she did was make friends with someone she was introduced to. You called this "her bad". What was her bad here? What did she do wrong just by making a friend? A friend that was introduced to her by her own husband.

Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
There needs to be a line between co-workers and family.
That is simply nonsense. There are innumerable people who have work-home relationship cross over. Many people make friends in work and those friendships exist outside the workplace. You are simply making up arbitrary nonsense social rules with no basis now. Where do you get this stuff?

Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
So knowing every conversation, knowing to what extent their converstation moves from work to mundane and the % of who initiates is something that strikes you with a hammer?
If she were demanding that or asking for it or seeking it you _might_ approach _nearly_ having a point. Sure. But read the OP again. Nothing of the sort is there. He simply volunteers this information willingly and openly himself for no reason other than he wants to.

My own relationship is much the same. Me and the girlfriends share a lot of our social circles and friends and so forth so when a message comes into one of us - it more often than not gets relayed to the others too.

Again - as I said - you are merely reading into things here stuff that simply is not there. You want it to be more than it is - so you are finding more than it is there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
Point taken. Next time I won't use myself as an example.
Would not matter if you used someone else as an example either. "one person does not do it - therefore no one should" is simply poor reasoning here. YOU claim you would not maintain friendships with co-workers outside of work in your first post - and then raminated this by saying "There needs to be a line between co-workers and family." in the next post.

Fair enough - you and SOME people think like that - but that is your subjective and arbitrary choice. Millions disagree with you and happily maintain work-social relationships that over lap. So you "should" and "needs" here all exist in your head. No where else.

Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
There you go again with everyone does it
There you go again with changing what I did say - into something I NEVER said.

I did not say "everyone does it". I said "LOTS of people". If you want to pretend that the english word "lots" is the same as the english word "everyone" then so be it - but you are talking to yourself in your own language then - not to me or anyone else in the language we all use.

The simple fact is - again - that no matter where you go there are innumerable people engaging happily and successfully in social relationships with people they also work with. You are building up some nonsense social rule that this should not be - but it is baseless - useless - and in no way reflects the reality around you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
She is controlling his every move and thoughts.
Another leap of fantasy with no basis. You really do like injecting fiction into the facts of peoples OPs dont you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
The more I read and dissect your OP
You are not diessecting it. You are putting spin on it.
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Old 10-31-2014, 10:44 AM
 
432 posts, read 361,388 times
Reputation: 308
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrueRulz View Post
This past spring, my husband introduced me to a woman he works with. We both have a lot of the same interests, so he thought we'd make good friends. She actually lives in our neighborhood, so we have met up a few times now and have become friends - she and I really do get along well, and I don't have many other women friends here in OH.

I'm 37 and so is my husband. This woman is 28, single, and gorgeous. I have no reason to believe my husband has any alterior motives here, he rarely talks to her outside work in person unless she and I are doing something and he comes along or she's at our house. They do text but she initiates it 99% of the time.

However, here and there, I've suspected that this woman has alterior motives regarding my husband, and might have more of an interest in him than would be appropriate. She does occasionally text him at home, usually for work purposes (he fully discloses and doesn't hide anything), but then they usually chat a bit about other mundane stuff once the work discussion is over. She texts me too, however, often simultaneously.

Then it got a bit worse. Several times, she has made comments to me (usually without hubby around) that my husband is adorable or that I'm lucky to have him. These comments are becoming more frequent.

I told my husband about the "adorable" comment. He said "yeah, she says that at work sometimes, too, but says it to a lot of people".

However, last week we went for a walk around the neighborhood (hubby, kids and I) and she saw us, looked straight at my husband, got these big wide eyes and smile, and then came up to talk to us.

I'm starting to think she's trying to use me to get to him somehow. I don't have a reason to distrust my husband, but it makes me a bit uncomfortable, even though I'm sure my husband wouldn't take her up on it if she tried to make a move on him. Just the idea she may try. Or, it could be her personality, since she is the type of woman that calls a lot of things "cute" that she likes. What do you think? Am I overthinking this?

I really don't believe an affair is happening, there are no odd late night meetings, my husband rarely goes out of the house for non-work reasons for any length of time, etc. No odd behaviors that would suggest he's hiding anything. If anything, I think he's totally oblivious to the idea that this woman might have a crush or worse on him. Our sex life hasn't changed, either.
She wants your hubby.

But he doesn't want her.

But she'll still persist!
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